tired mom + low libido = trouble in paradise?

Question

My son is almost 11 months old, but you wouldn't know it--I still feel like he's an infant! He's still up at least one time a night, refuses to be on a schedule, and whines most of the day. In addition to constantly dealing with a whiny baby, I feel like I'm constantly picking up after my son and my husband-- It doesn't matter how many times I ask him to hang his jacket up, he doesn't...or put dirty dishes in the dish washer and not on the counter, he won't...

From the time my husband gets home, he's constantly trying to feel me up, talking about sex, and begging me to have sex.

I feel like I don't have enough of myself to give. I'm up all night with a baby, picking up from my husband & catering to the needs of a whiny 11 month old all day, and then trying to give everything I have to my husband at night. It's not working.

First of all, how often do normal people with young kids have sex? How do I get my libido up?

Answer 1

Just give it a time, everything will come back to their places really soon!

Answer 2

people with young kids don't have that much sex, tell your husband that your so exhausted after your day that the only way you can have sex with him is in exchange for him helping you out for a while, for once asking you if there is anything he can do to help. Talk to your doctor about your son's whining, it could be because he knows you give him attention when he's whining. Your lack of sleep is probably affecting your libido and also your hormones are probably off balance from being pregnant and stressed and tired and over worked. My answer is talk to your pediatrician and your personal doctor, they probably have many suggestions for you. As for your husband, no help no sex. Just make sure to reward him with some loving when he does help you out. Like training a dog you have to reward good behavior.

Answer 3

I have twin two year old boys that get up at all hours of the night, school, and a not so clean husband.

You need to talk to your husband more and emphisize to him how much work you do during the day and if he did something simple, like picking up his jacket or a few toys, it would mean the world to you.

A way to get your libido back, do or wear something that makes you feel sexy. I do this even when my husband is gone and have delt with the boys all day. It just makes you feel better and may spark something.

As far as how often we have sex during the week, it usually is on the weekends once or twice.

Answer 4

It hard to deal with baby during the 24/7 mom thing and act like you did before kids. Your body has changed after the birth and you and your husband didn't get to "do it" before the birth and in his mind trying to make up for lost time. Shutting down can be very damaging to your relationship. Try to plan some adult time without the baby and in this way you can recharge and give your husband some attention that believe it or not you sound like you need some time for yourself too. Planning is the key. Good luck

Answer 5

I know how you feel! And I know that very few people have sympathy for you, esp. your DH that works all day and just wants a little "us" time when he gets home.

First of all, you said you feel like your son is still an infant.. HE IS!! 11 months old IS an infant and still requires enourmous amounts of attention and nurturing and one-on-one care.

As far as a schedule goes, those with babies on a schedule do not understand the frustration and unpredictability of the unschedulable child. My son was one of those babies that never stuck to a schedule no matter how hard we tried. He was never sleepy or hungry or poopy at predictable times. And he almost never slept even as an infant. Those who do not live with this type of baby are very unsympathetic. They think the mother is just a big pushover that allows her baby to run the house. THAT IS NOT TRUE! Your baby was born this way and it is just part of his inherent personlity and biological clock. Scientist call it "temperament" and a baby is born that way and there is very little you can change about it.

Now, that being said, let's move on. One thing that will help, is to get organized. Learn that there are some things you just have to let go. Dirty dishes can wait until morning. The floor can wait one more day to get mopped, etc. BUT you need to explain to your hubby that a lot of your "us" time is being spent cleaning up behind HIM. He doesn't have to clean the whole house for you but he can help by cleaning up after himself (like you said, dishes. coats, etc.) and lending a hand with baby care such as picking up toys, giving the baby a bath while you rest, etc. Explain how this will give you a chance to rejuvinate and feel more like paying attention to his needs.

Something that worked for us: put your baby in a safe situation, for example, in a play pen with some toys and put a video in the TV that he will enjoy or turn the TV to a baby channel and go in the bedroom and have fun! It won't hurt your son to be alone for a few minutes.You don't have to be in the mood, just do it anyway. You might be surprised that it actually helps!

Most of all TALK to your husband. Explain that he needs to help. Doing things together (even dishes or folding laundry) can give y'all together time to talk and connect and in the long run it will allow you more down time to relax and get "in the mood".

If you want more details on how to handle an unschedulable child, e-mail me. I've lived with one for 8 years!!

Answer 6

Normal???? What is that. The best thing you can do is start putting some effort into pampering yourself! This is very hard to do with a small child and a less that supportive husband. By supportive I mean feeling you up doesn't feel supportive to you. Can you get your son into a playgroup or trade with another mom 1 or 2 days a week?? Try and then take sometime for yourself. I go to a beauty college and get a facial as a special treat for myself, or have a pedicure. This is a small thing, but makes me feel good about myself. As far as the sex thing, I try to mentally prepare myself as I take time for myself. I think about the best sex we ever had, and concentrate on how it made me feel, to get myself in the mood. This can actually take allllll day sometimes. But, usually the effort is worth it.

Answer 7

You are undergoing a process that everyone goes through. thouhg your husband may be demanded sex, it is normal for him as he also requires the attention youhave been giving tohim. It is simply a matter of time when the child is litle older. I know life is very demanding on ladies as it is for this reason that they are respected in the society and remember it is always "ladies first" - they are offered seats before any man sits and so on. You are onthe top of the world as you have a family to look after. Do not get discouraged and I am sure your husband also understands the position. Everything will be wonderful.

Answer 8

This is a typical problem. Libido issue affects the man of the house as well. So you could ask him to help in daily chores that reduce your stress level.
You could locate a full time nanny to look after the mundane needs of the kid(mind you, managing the nanny could be another nightmare, if you didn't get the right one)
We(me and wife) continued as normal, 3 months after my kid was born(almost daily!but the lady was empowered to call the shots!)There are many conscious ways in which we worked on the libido issues!

Answer 9

It seems like they have the run of the mill. Stop picking up, cooking, cleaning, etc...
When he complains, have a chore list; for every one chore he does you do one.
Have him cook or buy fast food three times a week and you cook three times a
week. On the seventh day go to family or Friends house.
Plan to make trips to park, museums, boat ride, fishing.....
Let that whinny brat whine, pay no attention, soon the kid will notice it doesn't work
and try something new.
I really think in today's world couples should get sex toys both male and females,
how can you give of yourself when there is nothing to give. That's when the toys
come into play. I like sex three times a day, mornings-noons&nights but if I get it once
a week I'm lucky.

Answer 10

hi there......oh boy have i been here .......you need to get this baby into bed tonight and sit youre husband down and be really straight with him and if you want to get his attention do not start with the words do you know how tired i am .........he will turn his ears right of what you have to say is do you want sex .......to become a regular thing again ....well .......im telling you ,you will have his full attention i can promise you .......then you tell him ....note the word tell him that you know that he works hard at work all day but you need a bit of a chance to get soe time for you and that you need him to start picking things up or the next time you leave something behing youre back side you will find it in the bucket and do it .......you have to train him ......let him know that the reason there is no sex is because you are so busy lokking after every thing that you cant spend any real time on him .......you have to change words about for men if they think that they are being moaned at they shut down .....but if they think that they are going to benifit from something then they will come round to the idea ........explain to him you feel so unloved at the moment and that you need his help and what he is going top get back in return ...he will love ......dont panic this will waken him up a bit and as he starts to help you will start to relax and every thing else will fall back into place ....i hope this helps .....take care xx

Answer 11

The first thing you have to do is change your attitude. Having a loving, sexual relationship with your husband will give you the love, affection, and good feelings to help the rest of your world be more positive. Don't lose that part of you! Having a happy mom makes the whole household run more smoothly, both emotionally and practically. You need to make a sincere effort to reconnect with your husband; you are not being fair to him and your family.