Having picture taken with my 2 1/2 yr old tomorrow. Invited ex?

Question

I invited her so she could be in at least 1 photo my son can have later in life that shows both his parents with him. She of course, was insulted, and told me that a picture of my Son and Me would never be allowed in her house. She is the custodial parent, why is it necessary for women to teach their children to be ashamed of loving their Fathers. I think a picture of her and him would be appropriate in my home. Loving his Mother is something I encourage, and so I don't understand this. What is it I am missing.

Answer 1

your not missing anything, on the contrary your motivation is sincere, genuine, mature and above all loving- you show a depth of compassion to be cheered not ridiculed, it's your ex that seems to have an issue and why that is who knows!? she may hold a grudge, she may still be licking her wounds-she may feel hurt, emotionally scarred- vengeful, unwilling to co-operate in any enterprise that shows you as a loving family, she may scoff at the idea of taking any photo that in her mind represents a "lie", you aren't happily married, this is not the fairy tale ending-so why should she feel compelled to portray it as anything other than it is- broken. she may simply be less adjusted to the change and harbor feelings of real resentment towards you- give it another year or two-who knows she may mellow.

Answer 2

I don't think you did anything wrong. If my husband and I were split I would do the same thing, whether I was the custodial parent or not. However, I would encourage the child to have the picture of the other parent in the child's room, and not the living room.

I believe, no matter what happens between the two of you should not effect the relationship the child has with either parent.

Answer 3

what was the reason for the divorce ? she could be still bitter . did you leave her for another woman that I could understand .I never taught my sons to be ashamed of loving their father i think you need to re do that sentence . Some women do not teach their sons that . I am appauled that you would even think that . did you make generalized statements like that when you were married no wonder she is still bitter. She does not want to take pictures with you you are no longer a family unit this is what you are missing . take seperate pictures from now on. understand?

Answer 4

I think that it all depends on the conditions of your breakup. I think it's very admirable that you are thinking of your son first. Only you and your ex know the conditions of your relationship and what lead to the breakup. She is obviously very bitter about it. It's sad that she can't put your son first. Maybe with time she will be able to better accept the current situation and be able to put the past behind her. One thought though, maybe you could suggest that you let her have a picture taken of just her and your son, in addition to the pictures of you and your son. You could explain to her that you feel that it's important for your son to have pictures of him with his parents, and that you feel that it's an important way for him to know, that even with the breakup, you were both there for him.

I hope your future improves with this. Some wounds take a long time to heal. You are definitely being very mature, and concerned for your son, and his future impressions. Best of luck to you all.

Answer 5

She has bitterness and anger towards you and only you know the reasons why. Having those emotions, she is blind to the nice and reasonable idea of yours, to have a family photo. She probably will regret this opportunity later, when she is completely over you and has moved on.
It is not 'necessary for women to teach their children to be ashamed of their father'. Why would you think so?

Answer 6

Be glad you didnt marry her!
Do your son a favor and stay VERY healthy.
HE defintely needs you around for a very long time.
To answer your question, alot of women think that they can have a baby and have an instant family.
Dont know what your situation was with her but it sounds like breaking up was the best thing you could have done.
Imagine if you had to go thru that shyt every day.
She said those things to try to hurt you
it is the sour grapes story (aesop's fables) (if I cant have you, i didnt want you anyway)

Answer 7

My sons father and I had a horrible relationship that involved physical abuse( only to me never our son). After I had enough and kicked him out I promised him that as long as he remained a good father I would never take my feelings for him out on our son. I do not bad mouth my ex in front of him and I don't deny him his pictures of him. Our son even has a picture of his father and I hanging in his bedroom. So your ex is being a real crone about the situation. I don't care how bad she may think you were to her as long as you are a good father it shouldn't matter.

Answer 8

shes angry about something. that's why she doing that, just take the picture of you and your son leave her out of it, give her time to cool off over whatever she mad about, hopefully she'll come around. and alot of times they use the kids to try to hurt you. so she must know that telling you this will hurt you and like i said she is angry about something. just keep encouraging your son like you have been and hope she comes around. because believe me when he's old enough he will see whats going on and then they will not get along because he wont understand why shes acting like that to you. she just using him as a pawn right now. i would just do you and him in the picture and when he asks tell him mommy didn't want to be in it. i hope things get better for you 2 for the baby's sake.

Answer 9

I thought your idea was a good one. You were doing it for your son. She sounds like a bitter hag. Keep encouraging him to love his mother. In the long run he will see who is putting him first and who is using him to get even. Nothing ever needs to be said, kids are very smart at picking up what the real deal is.

Answer 10

Well, there's a reason why she's an EX. Sounds like perhaps she's bitter about something that happened between you and her, and can't let go of it for whatever reason. I do agree with you, tho - when you have a child, your own personal vendettas have to be tempered and dealt with in a mature manner, without exposing the child to them.