Is she gay?

Question

I've been wondering for a while if my best friend is gay. About a year ago I noticed that she started to touch me a lot (like tickling my sides and she puts her hand in my pocket to see "what's in there") Once we were laying on my bed and she started running her finger across my face and staring into my eyes. She is always bringing up the topic of gay guys in movies, and I seem to be numb to her gay guy statements now since she says then so often. but she also finds guys to be very attractive (never had a bf though). About 4 months ago I was sitting with a group of friends when I said that I had a boyfriend and she ignored me for about 3 days after (she seemed depressed). Ever since that day 4 months ago she has somewhat drifted away from me but still touches me a lot... She knows that I have absolutely nothing against gay marriage and that I am very accepting of people's orientation.

what are some other signs that she might be gay... and how can I ask her about her orientation?

I'm not gay. And she is not masculine at all... she's usually quite feminine... as am I. I really want to know what her orientation is because it feels that I am kinda detatching myself from her because I have a slight feeling that she is gay but she won't really admit to anything about her orientation... she's just really confusing me a lot and I'm getting frustrated about it.

Everybody says TALK TO HER ABOUT IT..... but, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BRING UP THE TOPIC? I don't want to seem too forward, I want to be respectful and caring?

Answer 1

You are friends--talk to her about it--she will appreciate it.

I suspect she is what everyone now calls "bi-curious"--she feels some attraction for other girls and is exploring th idea and feelings. I think most girls are to some extent bi (and perhaps guys--I don't know--but most have a hard time admitting it).

She is probably exploring her orientation and trying to resolve it. It is possible that she is bi--and she may be lesbian oriented.

To be lesbian-oriented there are two things: First, she must be attracted to other girls and Two, she must be repulsed or at least non-plussed by male sex.

Girls of all orientations are much more touchy than guys--so that alone does not mean all that much (though her touching is more than "normal"). The fact that she was depressed when someone said you had a bf is not dispositive--it possible that she just saw him as an intrusion on your friendship.

I guess in sum, I get back to where I started, talk to her about it.

Answer 2

One time when you two are alone or something, find some way for the topic to drift into you, or gayness, or you and her, etc. somewhere around there. Then, very gently, ask her if she likes you and make sure she knows that even if she does you wont care, but that you arent gay/bi yourself (unless you are, I dont think you say). There are no real signs to tell if a femme girl is gay/bi, but from what you've said she seems one of the two. I would say bi because she finds guys so attractive, but who knows. Girls are naturally touchy-feely with other girls, as I'm sure you know, since they aren't as phobic of their same gender as guys are, and can show feelings more than guys can, so its harder to tell if a girl is gay than if a guy is. However, ask her as I said and make sure you are gentle and make sure she knows you support her no matter what.

Answer 3

Get her alone and say this: "I want to be your friend, but it seems that there's something comming between us. Your friendship means a lot to me, and I want to deal with this problem before we drift appart more." If she acts like nothing is wrong and is dodging what you're saying/asking, try this one: "There's some things that I've been picking up on that make it seem like you're trying to hint at something. Are you gay?" Try writing it down if you need to and good luck.

Answer 4

ADDITIONAL DETAILS:
Oh, my friend also accidently licked my cooter one night when I was drunk. Does that mean she is gay?

COME ON LADY! Wtf is wrong with you? Of course she is gay. Why do you type all this when you already know the answer? If this was a guy, wouldn't you suspect he liked you? DUH!

She touches you all the time and sticks her hands in your pocket? You mention a boyfriend and she goes in to a spiral of depression? Man, you are very observant, but can't connect the dots very well.

I would just look her in the face and say, "You're gay aren't you?" And then when she gets over her flubbering and embarrassment, you can connect the dots for her if you are able to. Then just say, "I know you are gay, but you should know that I am not ok?"

This is the difference between men and women: Men get to the point, and women run all the way around the city just to get across the street.

Answer 5

Sammy is right. Ask her is she wants to talk about anything, leaving the ball in her court to answer. If she doesn't admit she has special feelings for you then tell her what you're feeling about your friendship with her. Maybe she's still too embarrassed or shy about it.

Answer 6

she is defently a lesbian darlin,u have all the signs which shows u that she is a lesbian or maybe bisexual but it seems like this girl has a very deep feelings for u,if u r not gay then try to tell her that in a way she won't get hurted

Answer 7

obviously this girl has mad feeling for you and she is a bit hurt that you have a bf. however, you guys are friends and that will never change. i suppose the best thing to do is to let her come to you about this and she will... until then... let her know that you care about her and just be there for her.... no matter what:)

Answer 8

Sammy hits the nail on the head.
My parents forced me to come out of the closet and I didn't appreciated it. (lucky for me they didn't get mad).
I should try to ask it gently. Say, if you are with her and she makes a little move again. (no, this isn't a very good idea)
As Sammy said, leave some space for her, ask her if she is struggling with something.

good luck!

Answer 9

Just say to her-
"look, this question has been on my mind for a while, and I need to ask it- I fear we are drifting apart. Is there any secret you are keeping from me?"

and if she doesnt respond, then ask if she's gay.

Answer 10

I both of you are open minded speak to each other, I suggest you both sit down and have the conversation now so it saves both sides the questions and awakward moments.