Will it be ok if I tell my fiance I want to stop having sex until we're Married?

Question

My fiance and I have been engaged for about 7 months. We've known each other for 3 yrs. And because I believed him to be my true love we had sex and I got pregnant. We have a baby girl, now two months old. I had wanted to be married before our baby was born, but he was not ready. I think it was because of financial reasons. When I bring up wedding plans he seems to not really want to talk about it. We had plans to marry this Summer, but I don't want to rush him if he is not ready. Though I don't feel I should give myself to him anymore until I'm sure he is truly commited and that is in marriage. Is this fair to him? Or do you think that it would be likely he would cheat if he had to go without it for 6 months? Thanks in advance for any feedback.

Answer 1

if he actually cheat in this 6 months, it means that he isn't willing to commit to you and definitely not ready for marriage. it is fair, as i'm sure the both of you would want a great start in your marriage. abstinence in this 6 months would be a good experience. all the best. :)

Answer 2

Now that you have already had sex he may get the idea that you are cheating and have more doubts about your relationship . I think you really need to sit down and have some good serious conversation about your future and now is as good a time as any right? I think if he's waiting for every little thing to be perfect and hunky dory before marriage then it's not going to happen. I think with holding sex should only be used if he doesn't come to a concrete conclusion after a serious heart to heart talk about this , then sure do it . He has a responsibility to this child also though that isn't the point I'm speaking of it's certainly part of the picture , it seems he's become too comfortable with things as they are and you have every right to want more and have a committed family relationship . Talk it over and let him know this uncertainty is hampering your bright outlook for the two of you and marriage would make you both feel more secure and best for the child. Good luck to you , hope all goes well for you !

Answer 3

First, there should have been a discussion about when he intended to marry you BEFORE you had a child with him. He might see this as a way to trap him and he'll fight it for a while. It's too late to play keep away too because that might also seem to be a way to manipulate him into marrying you. But what's done is done and the only thing I can suggest to you is to just continue the relationship like you have been, (include birth control this time), and when he decides he's ready to settle down he will. Forcing the issue could cost you the man and then you'd be a single parent holding onto the hope that he'll come around and he will actually have moved on and you will have a baby on your hip when you've had enough of waiting and decide to move on as well. Be patient. Unfortunately you've given him the power in the relationship by having the child now instead of waiting until you were married. Big mistake.

Answer 4

Why are worried about him minding. Obviously his true colors are coming out. Don't tell him that you are "withholding sex" until you two are married, just tell him that you were intimate with him because you thought he was committed to you. Now that he has shown that he is not, you really don't feel comfortable being intimate with someone who obviously is having second thoughts. No man ever died of not having sex. He will either tell you he is madly in love with you and can't live without you and marry you or head for the door for the next pu$$y. In the end you will have a good man or you will be very happy you didn't waste anymore time with this jerk.

Answer 5

Well of course he doesn't want to talk about marriage because he has his cake and eats it too!! HAve you ever heard of this saying? It is true, you are giving it too him now so why does he have to marry you, he is already getting what he wants, the cake and eating it too ! If you mean it then stick to it!! No cake if he is serious about marrying you then he will wait and marry you , if he cheats becuase you want give him sex then you haven't lost anything have you?? !! because then you will know that he was no good!!! and you;ll be glad you didn't marry him!!! You don't want a man that can't be faithful do you?? You shouldn't live with him or be with him if you want to marry him and he doesn't want to do it or if he want even talk about it. most likely he is putting you off so he doesn't have to get married to you!!! Don't put your life on hold for him if he isn't serious then move on NOW !! A man that wants to marry you will do so and they don't have to be forced to do it!! If he has to be forced into it then he's not in love with you. If he wanted to marry you he would of done it!! If he's scared of loosing you he wouldn't let you leave or go!! Put your foot down , you have a baby together. he wants a family or he don't tell him. it's his chose, make him decide by making your move first!! tell him you need to know and you the answer if he is wants tio be with you or not!! Make your move if you live with him ,move out to show him you mean bussiness and let him know you will move on to find someone who loves you enough to marry one day!! tell him you can't wait 3 more yrs!!! Move on girl!!

Answer 6

You need to worry about you and that baby, and of course it is ok to tell him you want to wait till your married to resume your sex life regardless if you have been with him or not, and if he does not respect your decision you need to take a good look at your relationship before you marry this man. Sounds like you are making it way to easy for him by thinking it's not fair to him, or your rushing him, he can wait 6months,you'll have the rest of your life to make up that time. Just don't use this as alta madem that would not be fair to him. Bottom line, if it is meant to be it will be, if not you and your baby will be just fine. Don't define your life for a man or marriage. Your a strong woman and take care of that baby she is all that matters.

Answer 7

You Shouldnt Have Had Sex In The First Place And Doing It Once Has Now Gotten Your Fiance Hooked, And Wanting More. Just Dont Tell Him, Or Whenever He Asks You Tell Him Youre Not "in the mood". And It Will Work.

Answer 8

I told my wife, girlfriend at the time, that I wasn't ready to get married because I didn't have enough money. We then moved in together and I thought she understood where I was coming from, but she always held on to what you are saying, that I somehow wasn't committing to her because I hadn't asked her to marry me.

We are now headed for divorce because she was never honest with me about her fears, and over the years leading up to our marriage and beyond, she refused to commit to our life together and ruined everything.

My best advice to you is to talk about it now. Never be afraid to bring up something that you are concerned about, because the problems just get worse if you pretend they aren't there.

Answer 9

You have to stop having sex with him, this is more than fair. You are the mother of his child and he needs to honor you and make you his wife.

No SEX = GREAT INCENTIVE

PS> Don't worry about the cheating, men cheat when they are getting sex from their girlfriends/when they are not getting sex from their girlfriends so the bottom line is a cheater cheats but this is another issue let's assume he's not a cheater.

Answer 10

That's just stupid and crazy. "Give yourself to him"? Do you enjoy sex? This is 2007. Are you actually getting married in six months, or is your plan to withhold until he gives in, if that's the case, you'll never be married. Get married when you BOTH are ready, and live like happy couples in the meantime and enjoy your sexlife.