Letting go of a married man?

Question

For the past year I've been having lunch with a married man. I felt it was getting too serious (we never had sex). Long story short, I told him I didn't want to see him again until he settled things at home. That was almost two months ago. Although we stopped seeing each other we still keep in contact via email (We work for the same company). I am leaving the company soon and am wondering if I should tell him. If this man is ever single I would want him in my life but I am afraid that if I will continue to keep in contact I will lose control. I don't know what to do. I've kept my distance but still want him in my life, even as a friend, more if he is is ever available

Answer 1

didnt you ask this already....I would still tell him espeically since he is your friend_

Answer 2

I really think you should leave him alone. He is a married man for crying out loud. Even if he settles things at home, why would you still want to see him? You think his wife would want him to have lunch with you?

If he is married and is working things with his wife, why would you want to keep contact with him through email? There is no need to even tell him that you are leaving the company. I am sure he will find out eventually. So, if I were you, there should be NO contact what-so-ever.

It seems like you don't know what you want. But leave this "married man" alone, he already has a wife.

You must move on with your own life and find someone who is single like you. Don't fish for married men!

Answer 3

It's really amazing how many situations like yours come up here.

1) Don't have regular lunches alone with a married man.
2) Don't become intimate (emotionally or physically) with a married man.
3) Don't listen to stories about a troubled home or a negligent wife.
4) Understand that if he is unfaithful to this wife, he will be unfaithful to you. It's a pattern.
5) Stop wanting him in your life. Cut the connection. Disengage from the relationship. It never should have started in the first place.

Repeat after me: "I am a quality person that deserves better than this. There are other single quality people out there that I will find or that will find me."

Now, get on with your life.

Answer 4

Speaking as a married woman, I say you need to leave him alone. Regardless of how his relationship is with his wife, good or bad, he is still somebody's husband. I don't know what you guys talk about in the emails but unless it is something you wouldn't mind his wife reading, I say it is inappropriate. And ask yourself how would you feel if your husband was having lunch with some woman every day. Good job to you for cutting that off. I don't mind my husband having female friends as long as they are MUTUAL friends that I feel I can trust. There's only been 1 in 4 years.

Now, coming at you woman to woman, I say you need to leave him alone. If he ever does become single, trust me when I say that whatever he is doing to his wife, he will do to you. He may not be cheating yet, but he is certainly playing with fire. What you need is a man that can give you his undivided attention.

Leave your company silently. It was fun while it lasted but move on. Things like this only get ugly especially once your feelings get involved. You already know you might lose control. Don't go there with someone's husband because karma is a b**** and I wouldn't wish that on anyone!

Answer 5

From a happily married woman, I really don't think I could date a married man because I would always have it in the back of my mind that he is screwing his wife and acting like nothings wrong, that's why so many women are shocked to find out their husband is cheating. I was married to my 1st husband a long time and he taught me what not to look for in a man. It took many years to even date but one man I fell in love with was a single whore and I had to let him go and the next one I fell for was single committed to me. Even though I do not think he would cheat my 1st took that innocence love from me and I would not be shocked if he did.

Can you really trust him if he becomes available knowing he going to work every day and eating lunch alone or with friends or with another women.

Answer 6

Listen, move to the new job, dont tell him, He will never leave his wife and if he does down the road you will be the blame if you two dont work out.. Dont get emotionLLY INVOLVED ANYMORE,You know that you will never see him as a friend, you know deep down that you want more. Look at where you want to be in the next 5 yrs if your still trying to wonder if he will ever be single again.

Answer 7

give it up it is pointless to hang on to a guy that is not yours even if he did leave his wife what do you think he would do with you marry you then start seeing some one else remember once a cheat always a cheat my mom fell for the same stuff they never leave their wives you are just the girl on the side that he is trying to get some of that's it don't waist your life on something that's not real honey as real as it may be for you believe me he doesn't feel the same baby find a man that can be all yours 100% yours OK

Answer 8

I read your question and I swear your my mother, hers and your situation are almost identical. I'll tell you what I have told her, let him go! My mother has spent years hoping and dreaming that the married man in her life would someday become available, but it has never happened. Her wait has cost her opportunities that, although not now, she will regret for passing over some day. Life is short, don't make a similar mistake.

Answer 9

Just keep in touch via e-mail as friends but you really don't need to let it escalate any further because he is married and i commend you on having the heart not to sleep with him as long as he's married you need to keep your distance because sounds like your a decent person and you know you wouldn't want anyone doing that to you. And besides you deserve better than somebody who has a wife with little time to offer you. Good Luck!

Answer 10

Long story short.You should tell him you are leaving the company.You should tell him the way you feel about him.Then you should put distance between the two of you,break off all contact with this man.It is easier said then done.When this man is already in your heart and on your mind.Yet it is the right thing to do.The decent thing to do for all people involved.

Answer 11

If he's married, you have to assume he is off the market permanently. If things were so bad at home for him, or if he saw you as a better match for him, he would already have left his wife. Married = NONO Besides, why hang onto someone who is not really into you nor available???