Should I be getting divorced or am I just crazy? My wife and I have been together since we were 19.?

Question

We're 28 now, married for 5 years. I've never been in a remotely serious relationship with anyone else. For 19, she had a fairly serious dating history and had been through a lot. She has been my best friend for the past 10 years, but over the last few years things have changed. She took a job that set her hours opposite of mine, so we only see eachother an hour a day outside of weekends. I've gotten used to the bachelor lifestyle and have made new friends and social acquintenances. I'm a totally different person than the one she married. Our interests are now totally different, but thankfully our personalities still mesh. Over the years she has let herself go and has put on over 100 lbs. I have worked hard to take care of myself, I resent she won't do the same for me. I'm also very concerned about her longterm health. I'm only emotionally connected to my wife now, its hard to say I romantically love her. I find myself strongly attracted to another woman mentally and physically.

Answer 1

Maybe she feels the same about you...I cant believe that you have been together for 10 yrs and you are complaining about her weight. It all boils down to love....Do you truly love her...if so work on your relationship if not then file for divorce_

Answer 2

I think you are crazy at this stage.
There is no reason to get divorce unless you both become totally incompatible.
What I would suggest is you both need a counseling together.
You need to address few Q's together like;
Is money the only important factor left in your life? (paychecks for which she is away from you)
Can you afford to live with what ever both can earn by working at the same time? So the rest of the time you can be together.
Regarding her physical state you need to make her aware how she is growing from all sides, show her old pictures which were very interesting to her. Put up some pictures of her on the wall where you both can see it as often as possible.
There do not seem much problem, it is a starting of a problem and if you take correct action right now nothing has been lost.
Awake and arise for God helps who help themselves.
Regarding attraction to other women is caused only because there is a vacuum created in your life do not allow your desire to overcome your marriage responsibilities.
One more thing keep talking to her or writing to her when she is not with you all that you feel about her absence this will help you to increase the communication between the two.

Answer 3

You say you are emotionally connected to your wife. That's a very good sign since most affairs start out that way. That said I still think you have a chance with your wife. It's a shame that's she's let herself go. 100 pds is alot of weight, you can't help ignoring that especially if you take good care of yourself. Try going out on "dates" with your wife. You must find time to reconnect with with her and bond again, it's not too late. Being attracted to someone else is ok, just don't act on it. I know it's tempting, but remember your promise to your wife, otherwise rethink your position in your marriage.

Answer 4

If you have grown apart and no longer share the same life goals and ideals, then maybe you should consider going your separate ways. Not to mention the fact that you are now attracted to another woman. It would not be fair to your wife or yourself to stay in a marriage that is no longer viable.

I am in a similar situation....together with my husband my 18 years (we started dating as teenagers) and now have grown apart due to his job (he lives in another part of the state). We have decided to remain friends but no longer be married. It is a very difficult thing to go through but hopefully will remain friends for life. You have to be true to yourself and if you are traveling down different paths in life, you just have to let the other person go free. Good luck to you...whatever you decide.

Answer 5

Well you are the only one that knows what you want, don't listen to what others tell you and do as you please.

I would suggest if you do choose to stay, and to be honest I meet few people that relise the woman they married should be their best friend, you work out a change of lifestyle between yourselves, and get more time togetehr, there is no reason your new friends couldn't be her friends to, though it sounds like one of you would have to sacrifice a job.

Answer 6

I don't think love ever truly dies. Maybe the two of you need to sit down during that hour and have a talk about why things are the way they are and how she feels about stuff. Also, if you and your wife haven't, I'd suggest reading "The Five Love Languages." It's been a very good book for me.

Answer 7

Ok here's what I think:

Good for you for identifying the problems you feel your marriage has. I'm glad you're not out dogging around town, you seem mature and thoughtful.

Please have a direct and honest conversation with your wife about her weight. Because after everything you wrote, it seems to be the thing that's bothering you the most.

Answer 8

sounds like you and your wife need to have some time alone together and maybe rekindle your 5 years of marriage.. Try having a little weekend away or something.. Sounds like your still in love with her but your missing your wife... Stay away from the other woman if at all possble its bound to get you into trouble and maybe even ruin your marriage....Unless your willing to throw 5 years away with the women you seem to still be in love with......

Answer 9

This is why the divorce rate is out the door! Make sure you give her a chance, remember your wedding vows sickness and in health! If their is children involved do whatever it takes to make it work.DO NOT GIVE UP!

Answer 10

I would seek some out side help. Ten years is along time to throw away. Good luck.