She hears her heart pumping tonight
But, the pace is incorrect
Searching and scavenging to fill the void
The hands stretch far but it’s never enough
Still her heart pumps
One out of billions in the world
Making a difference in the world is her goal
Doubt and uncertainty pass her mind
She is me
Still my heart pumps
Waiting for miracles
Expecting failure
A lost soul needs to find the light
Light hails from far
Until then I smile on the outside
While my heart pumps slower day by day
The Mind is winning over my body
Yet, my heart pumps
2007-01-05 16:32:17 · 9 answers · asked by Vee 5 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Philosophy
I like it a lot, it's about a woman losing her virginity correct? Very poetic, the poem sounds good though i don't know what your intentions are. Like to publish it...? I enjoyed it, the words really sculpted a picture.
2007-01-05 16:36:03 · answer #1 · answered by Manga M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi! Vee, the poem is Gorgeous & awesome . It has a sweet melodious tone somewhere coming from inside a heart with marvelous background. It is a poem made for creating happiness inside a heart for the nature-love .
2007-01-06 00:36:21 · answer #2 · answered by Catalyst 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
as long as you choose each word carefully and precisely (with the right correlations and all), it will hold deep meaning.
in response to someone above me, replacing far with afar may be too preachy, and you need to think about what either one of those words connotes.
2007-01-06 01:17:07 · answer #3 · answered by hi_imamodel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's pretty good. i don't think i wouldn't have used the word "world" in two consecutive lines and i think the line "Light hails from far" would have sounded better if you had used the word "afar" instead of "far".
2007-01-06 00:43:09 · answer #4 · answered by notmyrealname 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dude, it's not about virginity.
it's about having a heart murmur.
i have a heart murmur and every now and then, my heart skips a beat and i think that's what this girl is going through.
2007-01-06 00:41:08 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's too coarse in the beginning. A poem must start out mellow and build from there.
2007-01-06 00:41:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think it is awesome! There are minor things I would change, but yeah its good.
2007-01-06 00:39:16 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It has a pessimistic tone !!
2007-01-06 00:35:22 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yea its good
2007-01-06 00:35:36 · answer #9 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋