should i be insecure since my fiancée can't promise me things- like that she won't lie?

Question

My fiancée is always making me insecure with her comments. I just want her to promise me that she won't lie or cheat or anything of the sort. She can't promise me that we'll wed, yet she's sporting a beautiful diamond ring. I hate this insecurity and want to know if there's anything I can do. I try trusting but don't want my heart broken. Also, she is somewhat immature and doesn't want me to want to hang out with females and if that's the case, isn't it fair for me not to want her to not hang out with guys? sigh*

Answer 1

Perhaps she's one of those people who will NEVER promise ANYTHING--not because they don't have every intention of following through, but because they want a safety net. What I mean is in case ANYTHING should happen, they want to be able to say that they didn't lie.

I had an ex who was like that. He was and is a good person, but that drove me nuts about him. He wouldn't promise anything, even though he always ended up doing it anyway. My current boyfriend is like that to an extent as well, but I've learned to live with it mostly--because I understand it. If I didn't though, it would make me bonkers.

He always says that things are "his intention," without actually making promises. He does that because he doesn't want to "lie," in case the 0.01% chance that something goes wrong in a given situation. I think it's going overboard, but yes you can learn to live with it. (Annoying as it is...)

But that's with regard to promises such as promising to get married, promising to go out on such 'n such day, etc. If your girlfriend has real problems promising that she won't lie or cheat, then I think that's kind of a problem.

On the other hand, if you're pestering her, she may just feel bugged and not want to "give in" and promise just because of that. But if she makes random comments about not being sure that she won't lie or cheat, then I wouldn't blame you one bit for worrying.

As for the question about her hanging out with guys--yes if she thinks you shouldn't hang out with females, then she shouldn't hang out with males either. Simple enough.

Answer 2

Well, yes, I can understand you feeling insecure now, but if you marry that girl your insecurities now will only seem like a drop in the bucket because you have already shown her that you will go along with anything she says. Some would call you a "wimp"or "wuss", but I'll leave that part to you. If you want to live a few weeks, months, (I won't say years, cause that ain't gonna happen) unhappy and always feeling she is doing things you wouldn't like, then go for it. Personally, being of sound mind, I'd get out of that situation NOW and find someone I could trust.
Uh, did you buy and give her that beautiful diamond she's sporting and she hasn't even said she will marry you? If so, maybe "wuss" is the wrong word.

Good luck, you're gonna need all you can get.
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Answer 3

"She can't promise me that we'll wed, yet she's sporting a beautiful diamond ring. "

There's something wrong with this statement. If you've asked her to marry you and she said yes, then she should be fully committed to you and your future marriage. It sounds to me, from what you've written, that she's more interested in the diamond than she is you.

You were right about on thing though. She's definitely immature. If she can't promise that she is going to be faithful, then she should not have agreed to marry you. Honestly, it sounds like she has a lot of growing up to do before the two of you get married. I know that's probably not what you want to hear, but you deserve to be in a relationship with a partner who is 100% committed to you and your relationship.

Answer 4

Phew-
I am married-and hearing this it sounds as if you are already heading towards trouble with a immature, controlling, insecure fiancee.......hmmmm, she accepted your hand in marriage, but won't agree to a wedding?????? hmmm sounds a bit weird to me. It sounds as if she needs to sort out some stuff before she marries. She sounds like the problem, not you! If she can't be comfortable with you hanging out with females and your mates, how do u think she will be in a marriage? and if she is immature-what makes you think she will be ready for marriage? The answer is yes- you should feel a bit worried and maybe rethink if this is really the girl for you....good luck buddy

Answer 5

From what you wrote, I'm not sure you guys are ready for marriage. You don't sound like you're exactly sure about the whole thing, and based on what you said about your fiancee, I'm not sure she's entirely secure in this relationship either.

Have you tried marriage counseling? It might be a good idea for you guys to really access if now is the right time. I've had friends who jumped into the whole marriage thing only not to have really understood what it was all about and divorce after 2 years. If you take the idea of marriage for life seriously, I'd really try this.

Answer 6

You both are too immature to get married. End it now.

She's still tryint to tell you who your friends can be, and you are still trying to get back at her for doing it.

You are still trying to get her to promise the impossible.

Life is insecure. It's a risk. You have to take chances. Dump her now. Then when you have sufficiently grown up, find a new girl to marry.

Answer 7

She's obviously not ready to be married. sickness, health...better, worse...til death do us part? I'm not sure she's capable of that. I'm sure you really love her, but if she's not willing to sacrafice being with other men or to tell you the truth, then where's the point of being married to her? I'd suggest you ask for your ring back until she's a bit more settled and trusting of you.

Answer 8

*sigh* now you see, if your fiancee can`t promise you, you guys won`t get married, then i really really don`t think that you should be with her, espically since she doesn`t want you seeing other girls...you need to tell her that if she can`t promise you she won`t cheat & settle down about you having female friends, then you can`t be with her. it might be hard to do but it has to be done...you aren`t going to be happy not knowing if she`s cheating on you. trust is everything. goodluck

Answer 9

Is she asian? I had a girl like that for 3 months and it drove me nuts. She yelled at me for saying hello to the grocery clerk and she said hi first! Why are you getting married if you think she's imature. Your letting her walk all over you and you gave her jewelry. Be a man

Answer 10

I would say it is fair if you can not hang out with females that she can not hang out with males....Its a little weird that she cant promise that she wont cheat....I would re-think your relationship_