Is It Normal To Question Your Marriage?

Question

I got engaged when I was 17, married at 18. Pretty young. Was I ready? Um, probably not. We've been married for 2 1/2 years now, and sometimes I find myself questioning my marriage. Like, do I really love him? Is this the man I want forever? We had issues and seperated for 2 months. I could be crying my heart out one day, and ok the next. Yet, I felt like I was missing something. Like I am not complete without him. I think I need him in my life.. I want to make this marriage work. We also have a year and a half old son together. I don't believe in divorce unless for a very good reason, such as if he cheated or something... I just want to make it last, and not waste my time and then we divorce later on. We been together since I was 16, and I am now almost 21. I figure the sooner I can figure this out the better so I can step forward in life.

Answer 1

Yes, it is completely normal to question your marriage. It is normal for younger couples to have problems in their marriages, too. They have a lot of growing to do, and sometimes they grow apart. It is not anyone's fault--they just age and mature and take different directions in life.

Many couples are able to work through this stage of growing apart and can cement their relationship for a life-long marriage. Other couples have issues that cannot be resolved.

It sounds like you have a good chance of making things work for you. You have a child together which gives you a great reason to work on your communication in the marriage. You both need to make your family the #1 thing in your life.

When you feel like crying your eyes out you need to let your husband know what is bothering you. It takes two people to work on a marriage. Try your best to never talk when either of you are in a "fighting" mood. You need to be able to discuss things clearly without accusing the other of being the "bad" one.

Answer 2

I met my husband when I was 16 too and I am 22 now. We got married a yr and a half ago. I think those exact same questions all the time too. I think it is totally normal to question your marriage...especially when you are so young like we are. I mean marriage is suppose to be forever...it's a big thing to think about. My husband is an over the road truck driver so he isn't home but for 3 days every 3 weeks...so that kind of makes us appreciate each other a lot more and makes us remember why we got married in the first place...makes us realize what we're missing and what we can't wait to get back to us!! Do you guys have fun together? Do you get along pretty well? If the answers to these questions are yes then you're alright...

Answer 3

Yes u got married to young but it doesn't mean you don't love him. You have already been through so much. There is a saying if you don't make it in 3 years then it wasn't meant 2 be. You are already past that. Now you are thinking about all the things you missed and sorry to tell you but LET IT Go. It is much better to deal with your decision then to try to get out on an excuse like "I Wasn't ready." Your son didn't ask to be born but now he has a family that makes him happy and that he knows.
Your time is not wasted it's just routine. So change a few things. get a new hobby ( not clubbing unless your man is fine with that), Really try to find out your hubby's fantasies and try to act them out together.
You are already committed, and it is normal to wonder if you made the right descion at your age (trust me I know) but when you come home to your son and you lay in that warm bed with your mate it is worth sticking it out.
Being mad and crying through lifes struggles happens to the best of relationships. It will make you both stronger. You might not know this but your son need a whole family , your hubby need you , and you need this. The bitter the start the sweeter in the end.
You are still young so hook up with moms in and around your age ,that are married of course (and plan to stay married) so you can have some support. It will help alot.
You deserve to be happy and you do need to do something for yourself so find something that is your own. At the same time love what you have. Many peolple are looking for a husband and a wife that would just marry them, you have them beat. don't give up something that can still fit in your dream of life. Be smart and take care. Look at the little things There is hope.

Answer 4

Widows I can understand. Divorcees may have had sound reasons for divorcing but to my mind they should not have done if they have children. You mention your age but make no mention of the guys age. You've been together for five years. You may have had your child too early but you now have that child so both of you should put him first. Things change slightly when you become parents. You should act responsibly and try not to ask the questions you are asking. You should be able to answer your own questions. Get a pen and a large sheet of paper and write down all the reasons for loving the guy and the reasons why you agreed to marry him. Write down what you love about being married and about the pair of you being parents. Now write down your doubts. At the age of eighteen you married because you wanted to be together for ever. It's probably natural that your opinions do change .. do you have common interests? Do you have a lot of mutual friends? Do you both work? I've friends who married about your age and are now in their thirties or early forties with several children ... some still at primary school. I hope you and your husband do stay together and things improve for you as it's sad to see relationships break down. Don't separate even for two months. Talk things through when you have issues and do not shout at each other. Make friends with married couples who are older than you. They should be able to advise you as what's happening to you is nothing new. It has happened to many people before you and will go on happening . It's called living life. Good Luck.

Answer 5

It's completely normal to question your marriage and relationship at some point. Everyone goes through their ups and downs. If we didn't, life would be perfect. :)

You're right that part of the problem could be that you've been together since you were 16. Maybe you feel that you've missed out on other experiences because of your relationship and you resent your husband for that? Even if that's not the case, a marriage and a baby is a lot to deal with, especially at a younger age.

The good news is that you sound like you're committed to making this work, which is great, but don't think so negatively about it possibly not working down the road. Focus on the present and getting through the rough patch. I think someone else mentioned this as well, but you should definitely look into marriage counseling. That way you'll be able to freely talk through your problems with your husband and an unbiased 3rd party who has the experience and training to help you get through the issues.

If your husband doesn't agree to marriage counseling, perhaps you could at least see an individual counselor just to talk things through and get an outside perspective.

Best of luck!!

Answer 6

If you didn't question it you would soon get bored.

Sometimes you feel like you don't love somebody, but when you live together and see each other consatnly, maybe other things in your life get in the way, money issues, stress. Its not that you don't love him, you may just not be happy with something else in your life and he is the easiest target to take it out on and vice versa. Take your kiddie and spend a weekend at you parents house away from each other, its not a split just time apart, when you forget about the other worries in your life, you will remeber just why it was you got marriedin the first place.

Answer 7

To question your marriage is perfectly normal. People of all ages question their marriage sometimes. I think since you have a child together this is best. I would advise you to make sure you don't have another child. One child is a responsibility but learn from the mistakes of others with two,three, four children AND then they are really tied down to their husbands. I think you want to leave him. You want a divorce. You are young and don't want to miss out on your "youth" while being tied down to him. I know you love him and want to do the right thing but the right thing is what is right (best) for you too.

Answer 8

Dear Isabel, I was married 1 month after I turned 18. I divorced him when I was 26. The one thing I can give advice on is if you're having to try to stay in love with him then maybe you should go now.

Answer 9

Too young? or was it a 'safe and made sence at the time' decision? You will only know the answer in your future, 2 outta 10 have great marriages the rest settle for less.

Answer 10

Marriage at a young age will make you think you are missing out on things, but really your not!! If you do not love your husband then you should not be with him, but if you do enjoy what you have got.