Do you agree with this?

Question

My husband has his own business in construction and doesn't have to work that much. He has several guys that work for him and therefore he only works 3-4 days a week. I am a stay at home wife and mother. I clean and cook everyday and take care of the kids constantly and if you are a parent, you know that little kids is a 24 hr. responsibility. My husband only eats, sleeps and watches tv . My problem is that I think that on his days off he could help me or atleast give me a day off so that I can rest. I've talked to him and he says that he will help out more but that never happens. I am wore out. Am I complaining too much or do I have a legitimate reason for being hurt?

Answer 1

You might as well talk to a wall as talk to your husband about your needs. He's obviously very self-involved.

My suggestion is to make some other arrangement for the kids with friends or relatives. Just take an afternoon once a week. Or an evening out with a girlfriend. Offer to take someone else's kids for an afternoon in trade for the same arrangement for you and your kids. I'm sure that there are several stay-at-home moms that would love to do that.

Be sure that you make this a regular reward for yourself. Don't just do it once a month - make it once a week. Make it your time to do whatever you want that recharges your batteries. You might want to invite Mr. Couchpotato with you, but if he doesn't act very excited about it, leave him watching Judge Judy by himself.

Now, do it. You deserve it.

Answer 2

Hurt? no. Disappointed yes
First, you allow it to happen.You have a legitimate reason to ask your husband to raise the children. That's means being apart of their every day life. Spending time alone with them.
if you are aware which day he is not working, I would have already planned my day, without children. I would have ever thing in place for him, write down their schedule for him. make as easy as you can the first couple of times. Now, remember to do this when he doesn't know he is on kid duty. That day while he is hanging out or watching TV. Make your move. Here is their schedule, lunches, snacks are made and located??. I shall be home around???, and don't forget to put the your laundry in the dryer. Love you bye. You may just have to do something of that nature. or try and have a friend call and you are needed in an emergency Then he will be to hear you when you are talking, he will now understand you work hard at home.and you need the same as the rest of us A BREAK.

Answer 3

He needs to help you....He is with you and in that case it's not a lets put in a half *** job in the relationship and 100% job at work...! He needs to be putting in 100% at home too. Just becuz he brings in the money doesnt mean that he still doesnt have a responibility at home! If I were you I'd stop cleaing up his messes and dont put food on the table every night for a "week" (well feed the kids) and see how he feels about this, and tell him " something to his repsonse"....As a mom I wouldnt stress out about sooo much at home and give yourself a break once a week not to clean the house that way, you can breathe, and spend one on one time with the children... the house will still be there to clean the next day...so it wont hurt to do so!

Answer 4

I was the same with my wife, its not that I didn't want to help out I just couldn't for some reason.

But from my expereince, my wife was always cleaning or doing something, my thoughts is she just needed to be busy, where I can relax infront of a tv or pc and have absoultly nothing to do, and not need to feel "busy" we had two kids and she always suggested I didn't play my part enough, but the truth is I spent alot more time with my kids than she did. Fine I didn't change nappies (only on the odd occasion) but this is beacuse she honestly does it so much better and I lack confidence , I was always afraid of doing things wrong, she did it everyday and I felt more of a hinderence when I helped. I found she had her own way of doing things and the only reason she wanted me to help is jealousy over how I didn't need to be busy all the time and could relax, if I did help, I was often shouted at after for not doing it the waay she liked. if I didn't help I was shouted at for not helping.

Are you sure you want his help or would you preffer to not have to be busy, but not be bored, maybe you should suggest on his day(s) off he takes you out, for the entire day perhaps a day for just you and him and a day for you him and the children. Or perhaps suggest he run you a bath and lit some candles and stayed out of your hair keeping the children out of your hair whilst you took some well earnt time to yourself, don't expect him to clean, I imagine you have your ways, you are the expert and have the house how you want it.

Answer 5

A marriage should be an equal amount of give and take, and all your husband seems to be doing is enjoying the easy life. You absolutely have a legitimate reason to be hurt, upset, or whatever else you feel. Just because you don't get paid for what you do doesn't mean it is any less difficult or straining. I'm not sure what to suggest to repair the situation, but I do agree that your husband is being unfair.

Answer 6

Sounds like your husband has put his family in a financial position where he can take some time off. You are part of his family, and should also reap the rewards. Hire a cleaning lady or something once a week. If he objects, then its his responsibility to help out. Money isn't something you can take with you when you die. Spend it on someone who is allowing you to live life, and not cleaning up thru it.

Answer 7

Doesn't he *enjoy* spending time with his kids? Arrange for him to take the kids out on the weekend - to the park, to the zoo, to Macdonalds for crying out loud. What father would refuse an opportunity to hang out with his children? This would give you a chance to have some time for yourself. Hire a maid to help with the chores; it need not be expensive, a couple of hundred bucks a month will get you someone to come out twice a month and deep-clean the house. Make better use of leftovers, this will cut down the on cooking time; get an Entertainment book, and go out more. Yes, ideally the husband would pitch in and help with the housework - but it sounds like yours may be lazy, and you will have to take matters into your own hands - or else you just fail to appreciate the amount of work he DOES do. My husband doesn't help out with cooking, laundry, dishes or grocery shopping - these are my chores. But then, I don't help out with yardwork, electrical work, plumbing, home improvement projects, computer repair and the like. I quite like having it this way... You wouldn't catch me in a million years crawling about in the attic pulling cables for the new lightswitch.

Answer 8

Yes he should help out .Have him take the kids out for a little while without you to give you a break. Maybe to grandmas or the park .Or pick 1 night a week & hire a babysitter so the both of you can go out & get a break away from the kids.The more you connect the more he will understand how you are feeling streesed & need the help around the house.

Answer 9

If he has extrad days off you should get one too.

You are an adult and so is he. When he is home leave the kids with him. Just tell him you are going ____ as you walk out the door. The kids are _____. I will be back in about ____ hours.

And if he screws up taking care of the kids while you are gone call childrens services.

I notices you said kids . And you had to know he was this way from the first baby. Stop having kids! Women's lib be damned, you are the one who has to carry them and care for them YOU have to take total charge of birth control!

Answer 10

I know just how you feel , I was married to a man like that for 15 years , now I have been a single mother for 10 years , find some friends with kids the same ages of your kids , you should each take turns babysitting for each other , and the rest of you go eat out or to a movie .Another thing me and friend did for each other was , we all took turns cooking every week , and we also babysat for each other for us to clean each of our house , hey it help out , and it is free .