My husband is a jerk...how do I deal with it?

Question

Every night my husband tells me he'll be home at a certain time. Without fail, he is late almost every time. The worst part is, when he is late, I will try to call him and he won't answer his phone. When I tell him that I think he is treating me badly he gets pissed off and says that he works 1000 times harder than me. He works full time, but I keep a spotless house, do all the laundry, go to school full time (and earn straight A's) AND I work 15 hours a week. I get so pissed off because I will make him dinner and light candles and make the house perfect and I feel like he is lying to me about when he will come home, and that he just doesn't care about me at all. What am I supposed to do about this?

When I say late, I'm talking an hour and a half to two or more hours late

When I say late, I'm talking an hour and a half to two or more hours late

Answer 1

I wouldnt wait for him...Try this...you leave and tell him your going to be there at a certain time...Come back late as he does...Do this several times, he'll get the message...

Answer 2

There are things you must do: I know you keep the house clean because you love being in a clean house as do I, but sometimes you have to let the laundry pile up and don't be so quick to put the dishes in the dishwasher. (Let the house be a mess sometimes - this is only temporary and to prove a point)

The next thing you must do is not light any more candles. If you fix lovely gourmet meals for your enjoyment as well this will be hard but you need to throw simple dishes together that can easily be reheated or even better buy some frozen entrees.

Then you need to stop calling him. I know he's your husband and you are thinking this is nonesense you can call him when you want but..it's not working, he's not answering and this is the only way.

Finally, none of this works if you don't get more of a "life" if only for pretend until he "gets" it. You spend some late evenings at the library/have a girls night out/go to the gym/or whatever hobby that interest you. You arrive home at the same time as he does or you just happen to arrive a little earlier/later.

You will have to do this for 2 weeks, he's really stubborn so maybe a month. Eventually, he will address the problem, when you aren't calling him, when there are not any candlight dinners to ruin, ie ie. Then you can innocently say that you wanted to give him space.

Jackpot!!!!

After this renegotiation he will not be perfect but he will be much better.

PS> You have to always try to look your best and stay in shape so he knows he have a prize. Also..
PPS. This works: proven over and over again but only if he loves you.

Answer 3

Don't ask him to change, don't give him an ultimatum, these will just caus arguments, tell him you are not happy, ask him if he is happy. Perhaps you need a little time away from each other, cramping each other a little, something like a few hours shouldn't make a diffrence.

Sounds to me like he deffiantly needs some time away from you, and I don't want to upset you, but phonecalls and doing all the house work, are you his mother or his lover? Perhaps he does work hard, and not saying that you don't but when he does get home you question him about where he has been and shout caus he was late, this will only caus him to be late again, would you want to come home to that, or owuld you turn your phone off and perhaps enjoy some time to yourslef.

You can try one of two things.
Pack your bags and move out for a short while, don't phone or call, soon as the house isn't clean and dinner is on the table he will call you back - but is that what you want? Things will soon fall back how they were

or

Don't mention his lateness, ask him about his day, perhaps suggest he phones a friend and goes out for a drink. when he comes home, and he is a big boy so let him choose the time, either be wating for him with a romantic night in, one he would run home for if he knew it was coming, siggestions in other posts suggest the sucking of certain parts of the body *shrugs* you know him better than we do. It may take a while but as soon as you ease off and enjoy each other company without the arguments or the accusations things may fall back into place. if this doesn't work there is always my frst option

Good Luck

Answer 4

First off there is DEFINITELY something that is keeping your husband late out at night. I get the feeling that there is a DEEPER issue here. Also you need to COMMUNICATE with him what your thoughts and feelings are about him treating you the way that he does. He obviously doesnt appreciate what you do around the house. COMMUNICATE with him how you feel about this. Just because you dont work as much as he does that doesnt make you any less of a person. Going to school full time and getting straight A's, keeping an immaculate house, doing things for him, and working is a very hard job to maintain. The ONLY thing you can do is COMMUNICATE with him about this issue. DONT make accusations about him lying or anything because that will make things worse. Just TALK to him and be straight forward with your thoughts and feelings. I wish you the best!

Answer 5

It sounds like your husband might have issues with his role in your life if he feels that by telling him how you feel you are in some way displeased with him. He is striking back defensively. Trying to "change" him isn't going to work. Doing unto him what he is doing to you will just make it easier for him to continue the way he is doing. I wouldn't hold dinner for him. As you stated, you are working just as hard as he is, if not more. Quit asking where he has been and try indifference. Leave a note and go take a good friend for dinner (girlfriend or close friend). You can show you care by preparing a meal and leaving it in the fridge for him, surely he can heat it up his self. Go on as if his tardiness means nothing. He will start to wonder what you are doing and might take a bigger interest in you. If that does not work, there could be other issues, and in that case, then all this won't matter. Others have accused cheating with another. I can't make that call, he could be a workaholic for all I know and just trying to prove his worth to you.

Answer 6

show him who's boss. dont cheat or do anything crazy, but take your friends out, dont tell him where ur going and dont answer ur fone, then cold turkey stop cleaning the house,doing the laundry and relax for a week, write him a letter about how you feel if talking wont get you anywhere. let him see what you do for him and ask him to change. if it doesn't work then reconsider why you are with him. if you've got any kids and you somehow decide (after a long time of no change on his part) that u want to leave him, still be with him for the sake of ur kids.

P.S. first try to talk it out and figure out why he is late.. is it that he's cheating or that he has a bad habit (like gambling) or is it really work.

Answer 7

Just continue to go to school and finish is the most important thing at this time. Because it sounds like your husband is controlling, and my experience with that and men it will not change unless you go to counseling and getting men to go to counseling is very difficult. So try both things, and stop the lighting of candles unless you enjoy them alone, and eat your dinner and resume to your studies, go ahead a prepare a future for yourself so you may find someone someday that appreciates you and what you do. Good Luck and try not to let him control your whole life. You are suppose to being sharing a life, its not the cave man days.

Answer 8

It's normal for guys to think that they work so much harder than their women but if he wasn't a shovenist he'd realize that women actually work 1000 harder. Going to work for a set amount of time 5 days a week doesn't make him all that busy. I'm suprised you're not asking if he's cheating. I think you should show up with dinner at his work.
Don't be there when he gets home.

Answer 9

Chronic lateness is caused by arrogance or disregard. He needs to say, "I'm shooting for 7:00" and learn to better manage your expectations.

His playing the "I work harder" card is a bad sign. It shows a lack of understanding of how you, as a couple, have chosen your roles and tasks.

Talk to someone you trust. You need support right now.

And it has to be ok for you to say something is not working for you. You should both be able to say it. If you are having trouble communicating, a counselor might also be very helpful.

Best wishes. You are not crazy and he should want you both to feel good about communication, roles, etc.

Answer 10

if he isnt working late then i would tell him dinner is at this time (when he should be there) if he isnt there then you eat and either throw his away or put it in the fridge so he has to fix it... and find yourself something to do besides worrie about him you cant live your life around him you have to make yourself happy... if you think he is cheating then follow him... if you dont and think he is just out and about then i would tell him one more time how this makes you feel and that you want him to come home and if he doesnt then you work on you and forget about him and maybe he will begin to wonder what your up to and start to come home on time

Answer 11

well, obviously, he is hiding something. whether it be another woman or his true feelings! Don't put up with it! You work just as hard, if not harder, and he should respect you! I have a friend in a similar situation and she is getting ready to leave him. a relationship should be a two-way street. I am sorry he is being like that to you! I will pray for you! what ever you do, dont lower yourself to his level. start acting like it doesn't bother you! trust me, this works!