My husband is currently deployed, before he left we did a "Photo shoot" so he would have plenty of pictures to look at. Now that he has actually landed over there he has told me that he has been watching and getting off on porn... It really hurts me! I am 18 weeks pregnant and I have already been having the worst night-mares about him returning and not being sexually attracted to me, and being addicted to porn. He says that he does not do it that much and its just relieving, but it really does hurt. I dont want to ask him to quit masterbating because I honostly dont believe thats fair, but I dont want him to watch porn any more. I am unsure how to confront him. And then if I do how can I be sure he will continue to be honost with me? Take into consideration that I am pregnant and these hormones are FLYING, and horrible thoughts and dreams keep running through my head. Am I wrong for thinking and feeling this way?
2007-01-05 15:31:34 · 21 answers · asked by WeiNKauF 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I should have said before He and I have spent a lot of time talking about my past relationship and how my ex was addicted to porn and the way he treated me! My husband could only speak of how he was disgusted and how he himself felt like it was cheating and now... Also I dont believe that he should change the fact that he tells me things, just as I tell him things. I have told him the way that I feel, the dreams that I have had. He stopped for a short period of time and now he's doing it again. I also would like to say I am in the same situation as him, I may not be over there but I am here ALONE and it can feel quite the same expecially when he has a LOT of friends are over there! Not only that I am naturally just as horny as him, how do you think I am pregnant?! I dont look at any pictures other than the ones I have of him and let me tell you, they defanitly work for me. It just hurts I am not really sure how to explain it.
2007-01-05 16:05:26 · update #1
yes , i would be just as hurt as you are right now. no you are Not wrong in your feelings about this at all.
2007-01-05 15:33:56 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
No, it isn't wrong for you to feel this way, especially about "getting on single sites and talking to these girls". That goes from "just looking" to being more interactive. Unfortunately, that suggests that his interest is progressing. Some people can handle porn...they look occasionally, and that's it. They don't progress, they look and they are done for a few days or weeks or whatever. Other people develop something that is basically an addiction. They get to where they need to look more often, and at kinkier stuff to get adequately aroused. Often, it keeps progressing to the point of looking to talk to people (cybersex) or even meet people for sex. Of course, the further it goes, the more it affects the relationship the porn addict has with his gf/wife and the way he views women, in general. Unfortunately, it looks like your husband may be fairly deep into this stuff, to the point it will be very difficult to get out....especially if he won't admit he has a problem. If he is joining singles sites and talking to other women, he has probably lost control and you might have to consider leaving the relationship. While most men look at porn occasionally, most men also can limit it or quit altogether. If it is something that they know hurts their spouse, most men can get by without it, so you aren't wrong to have an issue with it or want your husband to at least keep it to the minimum. Do not assume that all men have to look at porn on a regular basis. Some will tell you it is OK, and for most it really isn't a big deal to look sometimes...but it does have the power to mess men up and ruin relationships when it isn't kept in check.
2016-05-22 21:51:17 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, your feelings are never "wrong." They are just your feelings. If your husband loves you and wants to make the marriage work, he needs to respect your feelings.
Now, it's good that you realize your hormones might have something to do with the way you are feeling about his use of porn right now. Most men realize that porn is a fantasy, but it seems like the women in their lives don't get that -- they feel threatened by it. So please remember this:
It is just a FANTASY to him.
Be glad that he's been honest with you about it. You could ask that he not tell you about it any more, but if you make a big fuss and ask him not to look at porn ever again, he might want it even more... that's human nature.
He is in a very difficult place doing a dangerous and frustrating job. He needs your support. At the same time, you are pregnant, and you need his support. Focus on the love you share and your future together, and try not to think about the day-to day details of how each of you is coping.
Good luck to you all.
2007-01-05 15:47:54 · answer #3 · answered by not yet 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It is natural for men and women alike to look at porn. Especially as he is away from you at the moment. Good relashiopnships are as much about finding mutal ground than anythng else. Perhaps you could film yourself one night and send him the tape, at least then you know what porn he is looking at, and pregnant women can be very attractive.
He told you about it so I wouldn't be to bothered about him hiding things, and would you rather he looked at porn or have the company of someone else, and as he told you he probably thinks of you too whilst he is enjoying what is only perfectly natural, maybe when he told yuo he was hoping for a diffrent response, maybe something from you to help him, he is away and feeling lonley, some dirty talk over the phone, it could be fun, agin if this is not your thing there is no harm from trying it, and if it feels uncomforrtable you know you have tried and your fella will appriciate the effort.
These questions get the same sort of response from me, Porn is not dirty as people make you belive it is, unfortuantly like masturbation it has strings attached to it that make people feel bad for doing or watching it, though it can be a great affrodisiac (spelling) and a great way to add some spice into a relashionship.
Final conclustions: don't be mad, be happy he told you, and think of it as a plea for something on yourside, make him feel wanted.
2007-01-05 15:42:11 · answer #4 · answered by trincanniere 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are not wrong. I don't think its right for a guy to look at porn when he is in an relationship. And since he has pictures of you then he should be set with that. The dreams you are having are just relating to how you feel. When something is constently bothering you it is normal to have those mean dreams. I get dreams like that when something bothers me to. Just talk to him and tell him that its important to you that he no longer does that. I hope everything turns out good. Also remember that your dreams are fantasy, they are not true.
2007-01-05 15:44:46 · answer #5 · answered by Nic 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Don't worry about him looking at porn. It's just an outlet. As long as he used the photo shoot pictures also, I don't think you have anything to worry about. He will still be attracted to you. Those damn hormones! I've lived through that 3 times.
2007-01-05 15:35:15 · answer #6 · answered by David S 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its a normal nature of women to feel hurt in such conditions, but there is nothing wrong in him seeing the porn.
If you are communicating with him keep him aware that you love him and ask him how much he loves you?
Don't try to control him, he will still do it and if you make him feel guilty of doing this next time he won't tell you and still watch the porn, what will you gain?
Always consider one thing men and women are different at many points and one of it is this.
There is nothing wrong in him, you have to understand him as he is away he may have nothing much to do.
You can divert him by bringing him in to spiritual and other issues of life into discussions.
Give him homework, so he gets occupied to do something for you in his spare time.
There is rarely a normal men who does not like to watch a porn, it is built in function of men.
Do you think all porn are made by women and for the women on this earth?
They are done because men enjoy it, let him enjoy he is great as human.
2007-01-05 15:51:05 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
NO you are NOT wrong! Its totally understandable that you feel this way. I suggest COMMUNICATING to your husband your thoughts and feelings on this issue. The ONLY way he will know your thoughts and feelings and learn how to hopefully control his sexual drive is if you tell him how you feel about him getting off on porn. TELL him that your scared he wont be sexually attracted to you, TELL him that it hurts you, TELL him about your nightmares, TELL him about your bad thoughts! TELL him that your skeptical about his honesty! You need to COMMUNICATE with your husband!
I wish you the best and please calm down I can tell in this message that you are VERY stressed over this. Just talk to him and pray about the situation. It doesn't do you or the baby any good to be stressed out!
2007-01-05 15:43:02 · answer #8 · answered by . 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gosh women, get off his back. He loves you, don't worry. But just imagine if you were away from home, and where you were at, you could ONLY eat one type of icecream...(not saying that he's cheating, because he is not) Would get pretty boring huh? Let your man look at porn. its no big deal! You are being very insecure about yourself and not trusting you man. Which by doing that, you are disrespecting him (and thats a turn off quicker than stretchmarks hunny..lemmi tell ya)
I was pregnant to, so I don't wanna hear the hormone crap..get over it. I left my ex becasue of his cheating, but came accross a new man who looks at porn alot, but thinks I am the most amazing, beautiful and sexually charged women he has ever been with, and wants nothing more than to please me and so on. And Let me tell you something, I have to c-section scar, i have the stretch marks, the saggin boobs from breastfeeding ect...but that doesn't change anything. He looks at porn, but he thinks I'm hot because he loves me.
You need to get over your insecritues and let your man have those other flavors. He's not messing around wiht another woman, so count yourself lucky.
Well, guess what, your past is your past. I can not belive that you haven't "gotten over" your ex! Thats almost cheating there!! If you haven't gotten over your ex and what he did to youm, WHY IN GODS NAME DID YOU REMARRY AND MAKE A BABY???
2007-01-05 15:38:23 · answer #9 · answered by Pandora 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Yes I understand you feel cheated and degraded. Every woman wants to think is is the apple of her husbands eye. So when his eyes are taking in this fantasy stuff that no women can live up to. She will always feel cheated and she is because porn has become his mistress.
2007-01-05 15:41:03 · answer #10 · answered by Roger W 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It would really hurt me too. But I've been told all men are like that and its just a fantasy and they'll come back to what they love, in this case you. I'm 'told' its perfectly normal. But I can totally relate because I would feel exactly like you would. Maybe express your feelings to him? He may even be turned on by a sexy pregnant pic!
2007-01-05 15:34:25 · answer #11 · answered by ~∂Їβ~ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋