He lives in next room in flat with new GF who works as a flight attendant gone for 3-4 days then back for 3-4 days. I have asked her not to go to or call/email/ otherwise bother him for almost anything that comes up she persists saying I cannot imagine my life with out him. He does not care and told me she is now my responsibility and girl now and can care less if she contacts him she keeps mentioning him all the time and taking any remote chance to insist upon contact. I have said she must now choose between contacting him or being with me. Is this controlling? Does this make me a control freek? please respond soon.
2007-01-05 15:31:09 · 17 answers · asked by firewooddelivered 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
See's an adult
2007-01-05 15:33:10 · answer #1 · answered by zen522 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
actually it does make you a bit of a control freak. Her contacting this ex is making you feel insecure, so you become upset and sensitive to her relationships. I can understand, and truthfully she should take your feelings into consideration. But for you to forbid her to contact someone is you lashing out to control her, to assure yourself. Instead you need to consider (and discuss with her) her not considering your feelings.
You can't and shouldn't try to change another person. You can share your feelings, express your opinions, but in the end that person will make their choices in their lives.
You do need to consider if this relationship you have is worthwhile. Does she respect you and your feelings? Is this a condition you want to be part of. You can only make choice for yourself.
Have you expressed to her how you really feel? How it hurts/bothers/embarrasses you? Be truthful and express yourself, if she cannot respect and take your feelings into consideration, maybe YOU need to make the choice of leaving or accepting her as she choses to be. But don't give her an ultimatum...when pushed, people often get resistive and defensive. I know if some tried this with me, It would be a cold day in heck before I complied, just because I won't have someone trying to control and dictate my life.
I think you have a right and maybe a reason to be offended by her continued relationship with this ex, but put it on the table and ask her if she will or why she isn't respecting your feelings.
2007-01-05 15:41:48 · answer #2 · answered by cyahlaytar 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No! You are not a control freak. When she has calmed down, speak with her about it - do not instantly say " do not talk with him at ALL. Cease all contact with this man." Say it in a different way, ie; "I care about you so much and I love you so much that I just want you all to myself." Be emotional about it.
Also - there is NOTHING wrong with you. I would have done the same thing. I am sure others would have too. She sounds attached to the past. Show her how good the future can be with you :) love her. kiss her! look at her in the eyes. be romantic. make her fall in love with you (if she isnt already)
2007-01-05 15:35:39 · answer #3 · answered by ashley r 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take the hint: if she is getting in touch with the ex, then she isn't really over him. Leave her alone so that she'll get over him, and if she comes back to you, then that's great. It's best not to impose any ultimatums about what she can/can't do regarding anyone else, unless they are going to physically harm her. After all, she is a grown-up, and then again, seven years of a marriage can't be forgotten all that easily - she is only human. Talk to her about it and if she can't make up her mind, let her go, cry a little and then get on with your life.
2007-01-05 15:36:53 · answer #4 · answered by montrealissima 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If there are no children between them, and she is with you now, I really don't see the reason she will keep contact with the guy, unless she is not over him. You have a right to be uncomfortable with this, and if she insists on contact with an ex, well. you best get out of this relationship. She clearly has unresolved issues.
2007-01-05 15:34:24 · answer #5 · answered by artist-oranit.com. 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't say whether or not she is actually divorced. Are you all under the same roof.
Your living arrangement is too close for comfort. The ex thing will keep happening if you keep living with each other.
You are in an impossible situation.
Good Luck,
C-F
2007-01-05 15:37:06 · answer #6 · answered by Crispy_Frog 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok if this is your girlfriend, and she's talking about her ex that much she is clearly not commited to you and you do need to drop her like a bad habit. If this is just your friend then as hard as it is you need to sit back and let her make her own dumb choices. However you can tell her that you don't want to hear about it and then whenever she's talking about it ignore her and or leave the room, and remind her I don't want to hear this becuase sooner or later your going to come back to me with a broken heart. But if she's just a friend yes its too controlling to tell that person who they can or cannot "stalk." LOL GL
2007-01-05 15:35:39 · answer #7 · answered by Jenna24 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I personally think that for any relationship to work there must be trust and for you not to want her to contact him seems you don't trust her but in this case there seems to be good reason because she can't imagine her life without him. I would talk to her about what she wants from him a friendship or more and then go from there.
2007-01-05 15:39:57 · answer #8 · answered by JAngel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe she still has feelings for him even though she cares for you. she should be an equal partner in your realationship and you guys take care of each other. the fact that she is bringing a third party into your life tells you maybe she is not ready to commit in the way you want her to.
2007-01-05 15:34:49 · answer #9 · answered by LO! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, it's not controlling, and you're right, she does need to choose between you and him! Wouldn't want to be you in this situation, because it sounds like she can't let go!
2007-01-05 15:34:29 · answer #10 · answered by grandm 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she is still hoping they get back together. Time for you to move on with someone who is interested in you not her ex.
2007-01-05 15:33:06 · answer #11 · answered by Jen G 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋