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I'm in second marriage. My wife and I have a 20-month boy together. I also have a 5yrs old daughter from previous marriage. she lives with my ex and thousand miles away from me. We see each other two or three times a year and call each other once a week. Even like that, I can tell my wife is still not happy about pretty much what I did for my daughter including the weekly phone call. We argue a lot about this. She said I did maximum I can do. I don't agree. Am I doing too much for my daughter and not fair to my wife and our son or married a wrong person?

2007-01-05 14:51:05 · 12 answers · asked by fanleeprc888 2 in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

12 answers

Second marriages are very tough. The first thing you have to realize, is that the only person you can change is you. And secondly, you have to remember that the only common denominator in your marriages (one failed and the other struggling) is you. Now, with that being said, from what you have written, it seems that your current wife is being unreasonable. She does need to understand that this 5 year old girl is a very important and special part of your life, and that you being involved in her life is also VERY important, especially for her future, when she hits her teen years. A father's presence, love, and adoration is so helpful when girls hit adolescence. You are committed to your daughter, which is how it should be, but you are also committed to this marriage. When your daugther is 18, she will be up and gone, and in some ways, she is already gone. Your new wife is there to stay "until death do you part." So perhaps try to sit down with her and ask her why she feels the way she does. Show her that you love her first, and try to understand her point of view, even if you do not agree. When she tells you how she feels, summarize it in your own words and repeat it back, to show her you understand. I think marriages are worth saving. Even though your first one did not work out, I think you should do whatever you can to make this one work. Honor your committment to your wife. Love your daughter and explain to your wife your feelings for her and your daughter. Make sure your wife knows she is first. Spouses should always come before children. It is important for children to know that their parents love eachother. If they see that, they will have a great model for their own future marriages. While you cannot offer that to your daughter anymore, you still have a chance to offer that kind of role modeling to your son. Most fathers probably spend more time trying to model to their son how to throw a ball. And while I think that is great, I think it is much more important to show your children how to be a good spouse. A marriage partner is such a great joy. But it is requires a lot of work and dedication. Try writing down your priorities, and looking at them when you have to make decisions. Decide now if you are going to make this marriage work. And if you are, then get going. Get away from the computer, grab a babysitter and have a private talk with your wife about this issue. Sharing all of this with her in a calm and understanding manner is vital. Understand her, and let her know how much you love her and are dedicated to her. Women need to know EVERYDAY that their husband still loves them and is 100% committed to them no matter what.

I really truly wish you and your family all the best.

2007-01-05 15:28:05 · answer #1 · answered by A123456789 1 · 0 0

Can it survive? A second marriage has a 70% chance of failing; 67% for the first.

You just signed up for another child support payment, or debtors prison if you can't pay.

Why in the world would an American guy have kids? It's just crazy! When are you going to learn, guys? Google "men marriage strike" and do a little reading before you start handing over your hard earned money to a woman who poisons your children against you. Geeez.

www.nomarriage.com

2007-01-05 19:36:36 · answer #2 · answered by Chris 2 · 1 0

You are great!

Your wife should have accepted long before the two of you got married your daughter would still be YOUR daughter after you tied the knot. Speak to your wife about this- let her know you are going to continue being in your daughters life and if she can't get over that well then.... try counseling.

Second marriages work as long as each couple can leave the past where it belongs and understand that it is not going to be an easy road ahead especially if there are children involved.

2007-01-05 15:14:55 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

Marriages survive when both parties make it work,compromise,love hard,keep faith and don't give up.I do not think you are doing to much for your daughter.Think about it:( a phone call a week,and visits 1-3 times a year).If anyone is getting the short end of the stick,it's your daughter.Your current wife is too jealous.She seems to want you for herself and the son that you share with her,but your daughter is 5 years,and I'm sure your new wife knew about her before she married you.You had obligations to your daughter long before your new wife came along.I think that if your new wife cannot respect or honor that,than you should move on and be a father to both of your kids.I hope all works out for you!

2007-01-05 15:06:53 · answer #4 · answered by fnocentelli 3 · 0 0

I think your wife needs to understand that you have a responsibility to your daughter. She is being very selfish by saying your doing "too much". This is NOT too much. It should be more, but I know your doing the best you can with work, second wife and another child. But a few more phone calls a week are necessary to your daughter. All of this should have been discussed prior to your second marriage and if it was and she agreed, then she needs to honor that agreement. If it wasn't discussed, then it needs to be discussed and settled. Your daughter needs you in her life as well and your second wife needs to understand that. I don't agree with her being upset over this. Not at all.

2007-01-05 15:30:51 · answer #5 · answered by older&wiserforit 4 · 0 0

as you are finding out 2nd marriages are tough and you are fight larger odds against you. more second marriages fail than 1st
The good news is you are asking for help. How is the communication between you and wife number 2 are you being open and honest. Are you really listening and hearing you wife's concerns. The number ! complaint women have with men is they never hear me. So keep this in mind she want you to hear her heart not just her words

2007-01-05 15:17:31 · answer #6 · answered by Roger W 2 · 0 0

Your wife needs to get over it. It is your daughter, and you should do however much for her as you see fit - without depriving your present family, of course, but it doesn't seem like you even come close to it. Your daughter will always be a part of your life, and your wife needs to understand and accept it, once and for all. It's not open for discussion or negotiation, it's a fact of life. If she can't handle her husband dividing his attention between his present family and his daughter, she should have chosen to marry a person who did not have kids.

2007-01-05 15:01:44 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

I admire you so much for being the best dad you can be to your little five year old daughter who lives so far away from you. She needs everything you are doing for her.

Hopefully, your present wife can lay aside her petty jealousy and
appreciate the character in her husband in time. Ask her if she wouldn't want you to do the same for your 20-month-old boy, if you and her were split.

2007-01-05 15:08:54 · answer #8 · answered by delmaanna67 5 · 0 0

Your current wife knew that you had a child b/4 she married you. Why is she winning about it know. She is being selfish...
Buy her " The proper Care & Feeding of Husbands" By Dr.Laura Good Luck.

2007-01-05 14:58:15 · answer #9 · answered by Eye Candy 3 · 0 0

a phone call a week and see her two or three times a year? and ur wife has a problem with that?....sounds to me like she is very unsecure in her life if she is that jealous of your 5 yr old daughter

2007-01-05 14:56:23 · answer #10 · answered by Sherry 2 · 0 0

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