I am 31 and got divorced 4 years ago. He is 42 and has been divorced for over 10 years. We have been living together for almost all the time we have been together. I am ready for marriage but, I don't know how to say it to him/ bring up the subject. He has said in the past that he is happy with the way things are but, he has also said he has been feeling a spiritual type pressure because we are not married. I am so confused on his thoughts. We have never really talked seriously about this. Please Help! Thanx in Advance!
2007-01-05 14:44:46 · 8 answers · asked by Birdy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Since marriage is your goal, he needs to know that. And if you bring it up and wish to know what his thoughts are, and if they are not aligned with yours, you'll need to soften the approach. If you wish marriage enough that you are willing to make it an ultimatum, you have to be prepared to loose: (I have, and lost, but hey, I didn't waste any more time, either....)
"I love you very much, and I do not see myself and the rest of my life with anyone in it but you. And marriage is very important to me.... Marriage means that we are a committed couple -- it says to all the world that we have a special bond, of love, and trust..that thru anything I am there for you, and you are there for me, and even more, that you are my very best friend. If we don't know each other well enough by now to be married, then we never will know each other well enough. If I am good enough to share your home, share you bed, share our money, share our time, and passion, our dreams and desires, then you are good enough to be my husband, and I am good enough to be your wife. If you do not feel this way toward me, as I do toward you, then perhaps we should be thinking of parting, so that you can find whatever it is that I do not have, and I can find a man I can begin to adore as much as I adore you who also wants a marriage".
That pretty well lays it on the table, and it is a fish or cut bait statement. But remember, you must be prepared for the "well, I don't know....." answer, which then brings you back to the "Yes, I understand, and if I don't hear anything from you in a week, I guess I call myself available...." And you walk away.
At 31, you are still young enough to find another nice guy, and have a family if that is part of your plan....
2007-01-05 15:03:17 · answer #1 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have been with someone for 4 years, you really should be able to bring up just about any subject. There's absolutley nothing wrong with asking him about the long-ranged plans. Sometimes the opportunity presents itself (like, you're talking about something that may lead in this direction) - but even if it doesn't, you could always start the conversation with something like "So, how do you feel about us getting married?" Just get the ball rolling, and then you'll be able to evaluate his responses and see where he stands on the issue. Don't be afraid to be honest and open with him.
2007-01-05 14:53:59 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
As said earlier if you cannot communicate after 4 years it is unacceptable condition.
You should be able to express yourself and your moods good, bad, worse, angry, unhappy, exited, smashing etc, with out any hesitation.
It seems you are more worried of losing him if you ask for what you want and you do not want to lose his companionship.
Men would be happy as long as you take care of him, they would rarely think of your needs.
And now you say he feels spiritual pressure, en cash it he will marry you or leave you for sure.
When you have spiritual pressure you tend to always correct yourself in best way you think. He has two choices either to marry you and make the relationship real in terms of spiritual values or leave you and prove that he is not committing any spiritual crime hence forth. (You can say he would think he has re-born).
2007-01-05 15:13:14 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If the two of you can't communicate after 4 years of being together then I suggest you don't get married. One of the most important parts TO marriage is communication...and the two of you just don't have it.
2007-01-05 14:55:59 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What are you afraid of? The worst you can do is scare him away; If he leaves he's not for you. Ask him do you ever think about marriage? He may surprise you and he may not. Ask him to marry you! Good Luck!
2007-01-05 15:19:33 · answer #5 · answered by beamer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if you really havent talked about it then maybe he is truly happy with the way things are....I would hint around it but slightly to see what he says_
2007-01-05 14:49:35 · answer #6 · answered by Chickybabe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well then ..do some talking ....you should be able too talk about that...if your in love with each other
2007-01-05 15:16:22 · answer #7 · answered by Bob 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just come out with it! Ask....it can't hurt all that bad.
2007-01-05 14:51:16 · answer #8 · answered by toadfrog 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋