SERIOUS ANSWERS ONLY!! I don't want to become an emotional wreck again. What should I do to combat this?

Question

My life yet so far:
I am a 16 year old asian female. I used to be a really confident, happy, and smart kid with hard-working parents living in a quiet suburbia. And then I moved to the shallow, cutthroat northern suburbs in the midst of my preteen years. At my new school, I got into a Mean-Girls-esque situation with the Asian queen bee. Stir in my strict, foreign parents and I had a recipe for clinical depression. By high school, I recovered and became my old happy self again. However, just last year my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer and my world was flip flopped again. I had to take on the role of my mother in my family and deal with my father's new volatile nature. I sacrificed a lot that year in physical and emotional terms and I still haven't bounced back.

Basically, I need some help and advice. My life has become so overbearing and I don't want to be sad anymore. What can I do? How can I regain my confidence and get rid of my insecurities?

This isn't a cry for pity. Yes, I do know that life comes with a lot of drama, but I feel like I'm on the brink of emotionally collapsing under all this stress and pressure. . I don't want to be caught up in my self-consciousness anymore and I want some advice how. I am already seeing my school psycologist to sort out my clutter.

Thank you, everyone, for your truly heart-touching kindness. You guys have really made my day, and as of now, I freaking love you all. :)

However, I guess I forgot to mention, that I am always nervous, irritable, and second-guessing myself at school. It's really cramping down on my peer relationships. Is this normal?

Answer 1

Well, Honey, I was in the same position as you when I was a college sophmore. It's good you are going to a therapist, but it may take more than the school psychologist. You might want to get checked out by a psychiatrist who can see if some medication would help you.

It worked for me .... the psychiatrist got me on medication and I saw my therapist frequently to get me through. It seems like you need to get to one for a complete evaluation ASAP.

Answer 2

You definitely need some time just for you and no one else. An afternoon a couple of times a week will help you a lot.

At 48 years old, I can tell you that these silly girls in high school will be just faded memories one day. They, too, are coping with the stressors life is throwing at them in the shallow way that mean girls do---singling out someone they think is weaker than them. You are not weaker than them, you just got an adult load very early in life.

Your father sounds like a selfish jerk. He sounds too afraid to be in touch with his own emotions about this really hard time you and your mom are facing. Sure he's being denied a wife right now, but as the adult, he must accept a simple fact that you don't have the perspective or experiences he has. You don't have the maturity because you are still a teen. Is there a sympathetic grandparent nearby?

The school counselor sounds good. If you have a spiritual life, now is a good time to embrace it stronger.

Answer 3

I'm glad you have someone to talk to. Is the school psychologist a licensed therapist? You really should have a sense of some relief even after one visit. Do you go to church? That's a good place to find some peace in your life. Are you an only child? Do you have other family besides your parents? You really are in a tough place and at 16 everything is unsettled around and in you. Your dad would do well to see a therapist too. I would give you a big hug and bake you some cookies if I could. Don't hesitate to ask for what you need or to ask someone what it is you need. You've got quite a load.

Answer 4

You are so young to have so much on you and for that I am so sorry. You might try a caregivers group, they deal with people who have to take car of sick relatives, probably most would be older than you but they could give you some support. Also, try not to give up your life as a teenager; go out as much as you can, go to a movie. You could wear a beeper and if she needed you right away you would know. I've been through a lot these last few years (nothing as bad as you, but all things are relative) and I found that by literally saying the words "I surrender it all to you Lord" and really letting go of these troubles and sending them to him that suddenly a weight was lifted from me. You still worry and care about that person but when you say (or sing the words) "I surrender all, Father" you'll find it really helps your spirit. Watch funny things not sad things on TV. No murder or horror flicks. Try to laugh, make your mother laugh. You'll both feel so much better. Good luck baby, and don't be sad. God gave you these problems because He knew you were strong enough to endure them. Going back to sadness is not allowed, OK? OK. RG

Answer 5

I have no doubt that You still have vast reserves of, as yet, untapped inner strengths and determinations. You sound as though You are going through very traumatic period in Your young life. Don't think that You must carry the burden all by Yourself. You are better at handling these situations than You think, trust Me on this, I too have been places and done things that should have broken anyone who (unlike) You would have been willing to give in to the accompanying despair and depression. It may come as a shock to You but You are actually coping with You life quite well, given the situation You have found Yourself in. Step back from the brink of the abyss and find the one bright star in Your cosmos to latch on to, and put it in Your pocket, if You know what I mean. Cheer up, things are bad now but they could have been worse, and conversely, can now only get better. Be the one thing that only You can excel at being.......Yourself!

Answer 6

Fear, Anxiety and Mammograms cause breast cancer.

Let me say something that will really shock you. I don't mean to scare you, and every time I say this certain ladies end up being scared; so please -- don't be scared. I'll tell you, 10% of all breast cancer in America is caused by mammograms. A big uproar happened about a year ago when the AMA said that you don't have to have mammograms until at least age 50. The feminist radicals immediately objected and said that women must have them throughout adulthood. However, the medical community had come to the startling conclusion that 10% of all breast cancer was caused by mamograms. That's why the feminists backed off. Startling, isn't it.

Why 10%? Most of the women who fell into that category had what is called a "predisposition to breast cancer." A healthy cell has two enzymes called anti-oncogenes. They are tied directly to the immune system. There are three classes of cells in the human body; HEALTHY, which have two anti-oncogenes present, PREDISPOSED, which have one anti-oncogene present; and COMPROMISED, with no anti-oncogenes.

A healthy cell will never become cancerous. You cannot develop cancer with both of the anti-oncogenes present. Something has to come and destroy them. In the case of someone who is genetically predisposed, there is only one anti-oncogene present. A compromised cell is where one or two of the anti-oncogenes have been destroyed by some intrusion into the cell, either by toxic chemicals from outside the body or toxic chemicals manufactured by the body internally for some reason, such as a result of BITTERNESS.

The ladies who developed breast cancer from mammograms had an inherited predisposition for cancer with only one anti-oncogene. The X-rays from the mammogram destroyed the one remaining anti-oncogene, the cell became compromised, and breast cancer began. If you are going to get a mammogram, it might cost you a little money, but go to an oncologist first and get tested.

They say they've reduced the radiation dosage adn they've changed radiation mechanisms so that now the mammograms are safe and won't destroy the anti-oncogenes that are present because of an overdose of radiation. that's what they tell you when you ask the questions. My recommendation is that you check it out first, especially since you have a history of breast cancer in your family.

Concerning a root of bitterness, there is an old saying "it eats at them like a cancer." If your mother has this kind of festering resentment and bitterness on a long-term basis then her body will produce toxins that will eventually accumulate to the level and volume that they will destroy the anti-oncogenes of the immune system at the cellular level in the breast tissue.

Please let your mother know that if she is holding resentment or bitterness toward anyone, she must ask forgiveness from God and forgive the one that she feels the bitterness toward.

You are a strong young woman, because you have already overcome the obstacle of school peer pressure. It sounds like you have made it through the worst part of your mom's breast cancer. Work never hurt anyone, but you must find time to laugh and have fun. It is good for us. One of the best medicines. I took care of my mother most of my life. She had a mental disorder and suffered with Alzheimers and Blindness in her old age. It is a good feeling to know that you've done what was right to do. And you have certainly done that. Be proud of who you are and what you have done. But find time to have fun. Tell your mom and dad how you feel or at least talk to a friend. You have aired your problems and sometimes just doing that helps us.

May the Lord bless you and keep you.

Answer 7

Sounds like you have alot on your plate for such a young girl but you are stepping up to it. Just remember anyone would be stressed in your situation. I know this sounds odd but my mom had breast cancer when I was 17 and my Dad left her, what we would do(my mom andI) is some how some way try to find something that we could poke fun at and laugh in the whole messed up situation. Our phrase was can it get worse??? and it always did. In regards to feeling insecure try as hard as you can to set aside sometime even if u need to schedule it with your family to do something you enjoy whether it be a bath, an at home facial I personally wrote in my journal and just got it all out and cried. That is what I needed. Just remember what you are going through will pass and it will be better eventually what this is doing is teaching you young how hard life can be and it will make you nothing but a stronger person in the future. If you think it is needed maybe vist your doctor for medication to help. It didnt work for me but in time you will figure out how to manage your stress. Just remember to breathe!

Answer 8

I am really sorry to hear about your mom, that is sooo sad. If I were you, I would try to find something to look forward to, like college, a career, having your own home, ect. I as well absolutely hate being sad, so I kind of know how you feel. Don't worry, in two years you will be 18, and you can do whatever you want with your life. You could move to Hawaii, travel, ect. The possibilities are endless!!! Good luck!

Answer 9

You have a lot on your plate. Do you have any brothers or sisters who can help you out? If so, it's time to ask more of them - no matter what your family tradition says about that. You are living in America now, and asking for more help from brothers, sisters and aunts is not at all unreasonable. It's not like you are asking to flaunt the worst aspects of our culture now. I realize it's useless to ask your father for help. Now he is in a panic, which is why he is volatile. If you can find some ways to encourage him more and take the pressure off him more, without stressing yourself out more, then try it. I'm pretty sure that you have already thought of everything.
My mom died of the worst type of breast cancer there is about 25 years ago. I am still bitter about that. At that time it was a 100% death sentence. Now, there is apprently a 40-80% chance of survival for this type of cancer, so there is a lot for you to hope for.
I don't sense any insecurities in you or a lack of confidence. I feel that you are really stressed to the max. It's very sad and unfair to say the least. But try not to dwell in your sadness, your anger and frustration. Adults often act like children, or even much worse. It is no reflection on YOU, no matter what they say. Can you take up yoga? I had a yoga teacher once who tried to get her class to visualize how we would all build our own personal "$h1t deflectors". Whenever someone in our family or friends gave us crap, we could envision our deflectors and they would protect us from harm and damage. The trouble with parents (and children) is that they really know to push those buttons of ours, how to cut us to the quick. They are supposed to love us unconditionally, but they cut us to the quick with their love and actions. Have you been reading Amy Tan at all? She has such a wonderful sense of humor, and such touching stories about her Asian/American family-cultural conflicts. it would probably be cathartic to read her and you are mature enough to do it now. (Start with the "Kitchen God's Wife" and "A Hundred Secret Senses.")
I'm glad you are going to see your guidance counsellor. Maybe she can show you how to enjoy happiness in small packets, to get you through the day.
Stay away from alcohol and drugs, and even those doctors would prescribe for you. you can do it. I'm pulling for you. Hugs!

Answer 10

I sympathize with you. What you really need to do and have found helpful is to just not worry about how other people feel about you so much. It seems that your biggest problem now is your mom's breast cancer and your dad's reaction to this.

I think the answer to this is to just stop. Right now what's important isn't how YOU feel or how your dad feels because your mother is the one who has the breast cancer. You can deal with your feelings later because right now you have to spend all the time you can with her and have no regrets. Her time is short, so let her live it and you'll find that with age, problems that seem gigantic now will fade. Give your dad his space--after all, the person he vowed to be with for life has cancer.