This person has been jailed twice for assisting their sibling in violence towards their sibling's spouse. Not knowing the fiance but knowing the character of the person and the history of family violence (father recently injured the brother who is engaged who merely looked on) and mental illnesses would you feel morally obligated to tell the fiance?
2007-01-05 14:17:37 · 20 answers · asked by Lovin' Mary's Lamb 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Well, the vote is in overwhelming favor of telling. I was hoping it would work out but feel the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree you know and don't have a crystal ball. So, I only know her name and maybe pretty close to where she's from. She is never away from the fiance when visiting. They met on e-harmony supposedly so long-distance courtship has proceeded for 6 mo's and the marriage is set within the next 6. Short courtships are a bad sign also. So, how to find her number and encourage questions without seeming to be attempting to hurt anyone or crash the party????
2007-01-05 16:43:18 · update #1
Correction: The fiance watched his dad put his brother onto the ground and attempt choking and permanently injured the ring finger and this was only last August.
2007-01-05 16:46:38 · update #2
Absolutely you should tell her and what she does with the information is up to her. You may want to tell her parents to. She may get mad at first but thank you down the line. My friend is now dead because of because she married a guy like that. Good luck!!
2007-01-05 14:24:08 · answer #1 · answered by aspring 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Wow what a tough question.
I don't know if telling the fiance is a moral obligation. But, knowing how common domestic violence is; it might be a good idea to say something. Maybe you could mention how poor impulse control seems to run in the family or that the family members often resort to violence to solve problems and that makes you worry about the fiance's safety.
It may backfire - a person in love is usually not interested in hearing bad news about their loved ones.
good luck
2007-01-05 22:27:55 · answer #2 · answered by krinkn 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
If the fiance isn't a friend of mine, I wouldn't feel obligated. The fiance wouldn't listen to me anyway. I didn't listen to others tell me that my ex had a bad history. The fiance has to learn his/her own lessons. However, if the fiance is a friend, yes, I would mention it, but not in an attempt to break up the relationship, just mention it, and then if the fiance asked questions that I could answer honestly with facts and not rumors, I would answer them. If the fiance didn't ask questions, I would not go into further detail than to just merely mention it. The fiance still has his/her own lessons to learn.
2007-01-05 22:35:01 · answer #3 · answered by Laura Renee 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Normally I would but out of personal lives and say that they could be a changed person but a violent history is another story. The problem is that if you approach the fiance, he/she may not believe you etc. I would suggest talking it over with a pastor or policeperson or relatives etc. to decide on a plan of action. But if they do not want to believe you (and they likely wont) then nothing you could say will change their mind. In fact saying something could make them dislike you and never believe anything you say. I'm not saying not to try but to tread carefully and work out an action plan. Oh and only if you're 100% sure that the person is likely to repeat again...
2007-01-05 22:27:38 · answer #4 · answered by kat 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think if you know the person it is better to advice that person to be truthful and trust-worthy to his fiance, then going to the fiance and doing bad mouthing.
I am sure every one wants to overcome the past, giving a chance to someone will reduce one more criminal from the society.
If the other person is also your friend you can warn them to recheck their decision, but I would surely not advice to give the historical details of someone who you know to strangers.
2007-01-05 22:32:42 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd tell. You might lose a friend, but domestic violence cases are hard for the police to deal with. Better lose a friend, than someone possibly losing their life.
2007-01-05 22:21:03 · answer #6 · answered by bakfanlin 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Absolutely.
2007-01-05 23:20:53 · answer #7 · answered by OC 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No, that is really NONE of my business, maybe she's even crazier and will flip out on you for saying something. Seriously, I don't know how or why you'd want to stay in the loop of such drama.
2007-01-05 22:25:15 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think that falls under moral duty and obligation.
You could say it in a subtle way expressing concern. But to say nothing at all is also "merely looking on", wouldn't you say?
2007-01-05 22:27:35 · answer #9 · answered by Jennifer M 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
yes, you should tell, its important for the person to know what they are getting into before they actually get married to the person, rather than them to start seeing how they really are and then cant get out of the marriage because they have a fear of the person...
2007-01-05 22:50:30 · answer #10 · answered by MidnightSkies 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋