My husband used to look at porn regularly, but he has since addressed his problems and is trying to work on them. I appreciate his efforts, but I still can't get rid of this yucky feeling when we make love now! I have flashing images of what I caught him looking at on his computer again and again, and of him being with his many ex-girlfriends (whereas I was a virgin when we married, he on the other hand had many past sexual relationships)... I know that all that is in his past and he is working to better the relationship now, but it seems like I am stuck in a rut and it's my turn to do some hard work, but what and how? I want to feel closer to him, and to enjoy our sex life the way we used to... but I can't seem to get over this. What am I to do??
2007-01-05 14:14:28 · 27 answers · asked by Susie Q 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I didn't expect so many thoughtful replies so soon! Thanks guys! ... And for those who think I was a prude in bed simply because I was a virgin coming into the marriage... well, you couldn't be further off the mark! Just to clarify things, my husband and I had a very healthy, very vibrant sex life for years without having any sort of problems. Neither one of us had any problems with trying out new and exciting things, so I never felt like there was anything I wasn't giving him that he found in porn... this was just an ongoing problem he had that I didn't find out about until very recently. Also, I never "made him stop", though I was very relieved when he did.
2007-01-05 16:39:27 · update #1
Live in the moment.
Another thing is to quickly counter any thought like this comes to mind. You think he's thinking of someone else? Tell yourself that in reality you know he is thinking of you. Do this everytime, outloud if you need to. This is called by... Dr. Amen I think as smashing ANTs. An ANT is an automatic negative thought. In religious thought it is a barb or arrow from Satan. Or a temptation. Only entertaining these ideas is wrong. And you can see why. If you continue to fight these thoughts, they will pass to a great extent.
Good luck.
2007-01-05 14:19:56 · answer #1 · answered by BigPappa 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Men, by nature, (I guess I know this first-hand), are more visual than women are when it comes to sex and sexuality. Pornography is not for everyone... but, when does it become a problem? If he prefers porn to a physical relationship with you then it can be a problem. Perhaps it helps to inspire him sexually, give him ideas that can enhance your sex life together. In this way you can both take part and view... You've said you have a good sex life with him. If this isn't damaging your relationship, it shouldn't be considered a problem. It's important to make sure that your children, if you have any, are not able to access the pornography that he enjoys. Try looking at the situation in a different light... don't try to see it as a problem unless it's actually interferring with your relationship.
2016-05-22 21:40:01 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How to avoid porn addiction on the Internet
1. Consider installing porn content filtering software( Strongly Recommend NetDog Porn Filter,you can get it from www.netdogsoft.com ) on your computer. it will help to protect you from stumbling into pornography by accident, That's important.
2. Do not try to guess what the address of a Web page is. Many pornographic sites have similar addresses of respectable sites. For example www . whitehouse . com is a porn site. The real address is www. whitehouse . gov
3. Never click on Web site addresses that you receive in an unsolicited email.
4. Do not open attachments that come in email that are unsolicited.
5. Use filtered search engines or reputable directories to find the information you need.
6. Do not search for terms like girls. Think before you enter a search term.
Stick with reputable sites.
If something looks questionable, don't let curiosity get the best of you. Delete it or close the window.
Internet Porn Filter Resource:
http://www.netdogsoft.com
2007-01-06 11:41:43 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know this is not an easy suggestion, but have you talked to your husband about this? Have you asked him why he looked, what it was that he was drawn to, found out what was behind his addiction to it? Perhaps if you tried to understand it from his point of view, you could be more understanding and it might be easier to let it go. I found that my husband had bought some while away on a business trip, but when I confronted him about where he got it and why he would want to look at it, I found out that he was not only missing sexual contact when he was away, but he was bored with our "routine" after sven years of marriage. After a long (and at time uncomfortable but worthy) talk, he realized why it bothered me and I realized I could try harder to renew our sexual relationship. Nothing really ever gets resolved unless both of you feel like you are really being heard. Make sure you say what you need to say, and listen to what he needs to say with open understanding, but talk, because it sounds like you didn't entirely resolve the issue.
2007-01-05 14:26:56 · answer #4 · answered by Irish 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time for some real good counseling some people can have a very open mind when it comes to sex and others have more of a reserved thought on this subject.An addiction is pretty strong words.Please seek professional help for your own sake.
2007-01-05 14:30:18 · answer #5 · answered by Mr Zip 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may need more time to adjust, the thing is. if this marriage is impotent to you and you love him, you will get over this and be even closer. However, you might be just too far gone and not love him anymore for these and other reasons, you have got to figure and sort out your feelings. He is trying to get better and really, no one is perfect. If it's not one vice, it's another. give it time and maybe go to couple's counselling together?
2007-01-05 14:19:16 · answer #6 · answered by artist-oranit.com. 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am dealing with a similar situation but with a different outcome. I am currently in the middle of divorcing my husband, and one of the problems we had is him always looking at other girls and commenting on them, looking at porn on the computer, and watching porn on television. The thing you need to do is to talk to a professional, and also talk to your husband. After that, if you feel that you want be able to cope with it, maybe it is a sign you don't belong with him.
2007-01-05 14:37:12 · answer #7 · answered by rocknrollmom19812 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Read the following books:
Every Man's Battle (for your husband)
Every Woman's Battle (for you)
Every Heart Restored (for you)*** A MUST READ!!****
Every Man's Marriage (for him)
Pornography is horrible addiction and I applaud your husband for taking the steps he has, but now it is your turn. Forgiveness is a two way street and if God can forgive him, you must also.
This is an excellent example of how the damaging sins of our past can lead to harmful futures with our spouses. Keep trying and keep praying, God bless.
2007-01-05 14:30:49 · answer #8 · answered by Last Ent Wife (RCIA) 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You married him knowing he had prior relationships. You can't beat him up over it now. You have to let it go, or it will destroy your relationship.
May I suggest you listen to Dr. Laura. XM Radio, channel 166, M-F at 12pm Pacific time. She has great advice about life, marriage, etc.
Also try her book-"The proper care and Feeding of Husbands"
Good Luck.
2007-01-05 14:54:39 · answer #9 · answered by Eye Candy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my most serious voice I say.... Is there any way in the world you could accept and use some of the methods the porn girls use ?
Some of that stuff is pure fantasy and should remain there, but if you're wise, you might make your husband a very happy man.
2007-01-05 14:24:42 · answer #10 · answered by apup76 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋