need help with anger?

Question

Most my life i had to watch my fathers temper in many forms and it was really bad.....I always told myself that I would never ever become like that. Now here I am 20 years old and I have slowly watched myself get worse but i just thought i was gettin tired of peoples crap. Then tonight me and my gurl had a big fight and went balistic. And i really don't remember much about the incident but I do know a lot of mean things were said that shouldn't have been said....I need advice on how to controll my temper cause i can't really find anything on the net to help or that doesn't read like a novel...PLEASE HELP!

Answer 1

There are several schools of thought regarding self control, especially when anger is involved. Many psychologists prescribe drugs. I am of the opinion that self control is the best method. The problem in your case, in my humble opinion, is that you have learned some behaviors that contain triggers. If you allow the situation to reach the trigger, then you will blow up. so, it is not a simple matter of self control. actuall teh trigger and the blow up are part of your self, so when they occur, you are still controlling your self through tat behavioral script. The goal is to avoid the trigger in the first place and to do that you need two things: First you need to understand what your triggers are, and you have ot have the ability to guide situations in ways that will avoid the triggers.

See these discussions on Yahoo Answers:
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AuSs0a4wKpJs1OVsRI3jQeojzKIX?qid=1006052107999

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AkhubDC4GXxIBnGvpooic70jzKIX?qid=1006020304345

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Au1tANMOmQorbaCeYc3SYdMjzKIX?qid=20061004070247AAxyfwM

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AilXTw.8EMk2xLw89CwgzWIjzKIX?qid=1006032402417

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AlvTa360JuCETPjOd9y1WsQjzKIX?qid=20061218131139AACj6ti

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AmkQwftsksZ2Bebp6ZwHQUEjzKIX?qid=20061220225644AANdBCM

;-D Learn about TA and you can do very well in situations that otherwise might cause you to blow up.

Answer 2

Having a temper esp when a adult simply means having the inability to control oneself ,why words just pour out in ager with no thought as to the effect of those words on the person being said to or on the relationship with that person.It also speaks of a lack of maturity for being a mature adult means being in control of oneself.Theres no magic pill but only your own determination to make you a stable and in control person. Self help books etc will tell you that you before you explode -always keeping in the forefront of your mind your determination-then try to remember what sets you off,what makes you mad so that the next time you find that situation beginning you can tell yourself that this is it time to back off--Count to 5 slowly by thinking 1 as you inhale deeply through your open mouth and then release slowly through your nose mouth closed, repeat 5 times or as often as it takes to get you CALM.If another person's words or actions are the trigger then address the other person and tell them what is happening with you. The inhale/exhale while counting also Lowers heart rate and respiration which will bring a calmness,a relaxing which in turn gives you the opportunity to get a hold of yourself.It takes awareness,concentration,committment etc and Patience to eventually get away from the examples you learned from your father. Also if you do fail Forgive yourself and start again-great deeds are accomplished through persistence.it is the first step that you recognize you have a problem so you are not like your father. Congrats

Answer 3

You could be one of my sons. I have been married for 23 yrs to an angry man. I have 4 kids my oldest two sons are 22 and 20, both of them have anger problems, not quit as bad as as their dad from what I have seen and I have worked with them on how to control their anger. Their father has learned some anger control in the anger managment classes he has taken and from the counseling he has been. It is managable now but not perfect but I feel that the younger you are in getting help and understanding that your actions are wrong then the more affective the help can be. So please please, if you truely know you need help and you do not want to be and out of control angry person anymore then seek professional help. It is NOT a sign of weakness or giving in or anything like that to ask for help. You may have a chemical inbalance and it may be just a learned behavior because you watched your father for so long. Either way you need to get yourself some help to find out how to solve this and to make the right kind of changes in your life. It will improve every aspect of your life if you do this, your relationships and jobs. I hope you understand what I am saying to you and you take it to heart and do something. Good luck to you.

Answer 4

You need to express your feelings in a calmer way. Keep as much communication as possible. When you stop that it builds up and gets worse. Try talking before you get over stimulated with anger. Believe it or not breathing helps calm you down as well. Count silently and slowly to three when you breathe in (through your nose and push your stomach out rather than your chest. This allows you to breathe with your diaphragm and to get a deeper breath. Breathe out on a slow count of six - through your mouth.Acute stress affects the autonomic nervous system. Heart rate increases, pupils dilate, blood rushes toward large muscles and away from the fingers and toes. Muscles can tighten and adrenaline and cortisol are released into the blood stream. These reactions are all part of the "fight-or-flight" response. Our bodies are becoming prepared to fight or to run.

Try it. good Luck!

Answer 5

Sorry, but you may need more than a simple answer from a Q&A on the internet. It sounds like you go through a type of anger black out where you lose control. Since this is also something that seems to happen to your father, it could be a chemical imbalance that you got passed on to you.

I'd highly recommend speaking to a licensed professional therapist.

Answer 6

Well....you first step is a good one..asking for help..and good for you for wanting not to make the same mistakes your father made...The good news is that you recognize your changes in behaviour...go with that...next time you find yourself getting mad...try your best to take a step back...see if you can't get yourself back to a normal stress level....you need to learn how to cope with your mood changes...so find something that will work for you when this happens. Walk out of the room, go on line, take a walk to cool off...find something that takes your mind off of what has got you so wound up....

If you have tried this and you find you can't control yourself...you might need to seek help from a professional...that's OK...you know, you might even learn a thing or two about yourself that you were unaware of....

Good Luck to you...

Answer 7

anger is okay just be carfeful how you release it. When you feel yourself getting upset find a release immediately. Walk around the block, put on a set of headphones and listen to calming music, go in a room by yourself until you calm down. When you are angry write about it in a journal and write ways to keep from getting violently angry. Ask your girlfriend to help you with your anger, you are youong and will fin many things that anger you just keep your cool

Answer 8

u have the wiring in u, it can't be changed, but it can be done right if u really want to stop, buried in u just like ur dad is issues and women, are layed back and just light fires under guys just to c the fire works, be it known u don't have a prayer in a court of law either, the women only have to go to a cop and your @ss is in jail, no proof no way is the legal system accommodating to guys in a fight, it has been a non~mans land out there for thirty years, if you don't have money the women are going to do what it takes to move on u like u don't exist, there is no time to poor guys out there women have this alter-ego and that can break your@ss anytime they get a credit card or your heart it is just a normal day to bait & switch you or life around til it makes no sense and feed you to the wolves, guys are stupid and women can milk this til the cows come in, that pretty smile has had more heads rolling in front of gulitines than ruffles(potato chips) have ridges

Answer 9

You are too far gone to be able to handle this on your own. Join an "anger management" class, the bottom line is you cannot get that raging mad about anything, anytime in life and it is behavior we are talking here, you will have to learn how to retrain yourself not to let things upset you. You'll get the best results if you get help from someone--experience talking here.

Answer 10

its not wrong to express your anger but always remember not to hurt other people just b/c of your anger...just say sorry to your gurl...good luck!