How long would you wait for him?

Question

We're both still very young, both 23. Yes High school sweethearts! We now live together for almost a year, share bank accounts...pretty much married just without all the legalities. We've talked about it of coarse. I just don't know how much longer I can wait!? I do love him so much and that should be enough. Just want some other thoughts here.

Jason and I at a beach in FL.
http://i29.photobucket.com/albums/c287/anjolique108/Sweetie%20Bottom/JAYME.jpg

Answer 1

Hi - (By the way, your avatar pic is cute) Anyway, if you guys have been HS sweethearts, and you have lived together for a year, basically functioning as a married couple, then there is no reason to delay getting married. What does he say when you talk to him about it?.....I wish I had more details......You said in your question that you "did not know how much longer you could wait" - I am assuming he is in favor of waiting longer? If so, choose a time to talk to him about it in a calm manner. Maybe after a nice dinner and evening together bring the subject up. Let him know that you are ready to get hitched...and that you see no reason to delay it. You are already living together, and are doing so successfully! Point out to him that you are already doing all the things that married couples do - share expenses, bank accounts, a living space, and cooperate in running the household - who can argue with all that hard evidence! I am assuming you have been together anywhere from 4-8 years....you are both already grown, and that is more than enough time to make a mature descision about wether you 2 can spend the rest of your lives together. If he is hesitating, it may be due to the fact that he has just never thought about all of the things I mentioned above. Consider this - my husband and I were at the same crossroads that you and your sweetie are at now, many years ago (we are also high school sweethearts) - but it was me who did not want to get married! I was simply hesitant - overlooking the fact that our relationship was already like a well oiled machine - running fantastically. He had the identical same conversation with me - pointing out all of the above....of course, he was right - I couldn't argue with all the evidence he presented. I agreed to marry him, and he brought a pastor to our apartment the next morning! We have now been married for 17 wonderful years. ;) Now, you may not get married tomorrow, but present your sweetine with all the evidence - you may be surprised! ;) If he truly loves you he will see the logic in what you present to him, and will give a green light to start planning a beautiful wedding....if he balks, then that is another issue, and you may have to let go....but I want to accentuate the positive at this point.Talk to him - that is the only way you will know what his intentions are -and please let us know how it goes. Good Luck!

Answer 2

Wow you sound just like me! Im 24 and have been with my fiancee now for 7 years, both our first relationships. We have been engaged now for 4 years. I say wait and take your time. When we first got engaged I was in a big hurry to get married. Now that Ive waited a little while Im in no hurry unless I got pregnant or something. You guys have been together for awhile now but have only lived with each other for a year. Give it time.. I would say if your heart say's to wait then wait and if you really have a feeling that you shouldnt then maybe your life is trying to say dont...

Answer 3

If you all are already living together and are pretty much married why wouldn't he marry you is what your thinking probably. Have you considered the fact that he might feel like why should he marry you. He already has everything that you would have in a marriage. This is the reason why I don't agree with living with a man before you get married (never sharing a bank acct b4 marriage) b/c people get stuck in situations like yours. Tell him that you want to get married. You have already shown him that you would be a good wife why not take the next step.

Answer 4

If you're already living together and sharing accounts, then their is no reason for you guys not to get married. Chances are, he's scared of the big commitment, but if it's what you want to do, then he should respect it. You two need to actually sit down and have a real conversation on the whole thing.

Answer 5

let me ask you a question? why do you need that piece of paper? do you have kids together? Love and Trust is all that is really needed and a marriage is nothing more than getting that love and trust with a piece of paper and makes it much harder to leave ( if that ever happens) BUT if marriage is something you really want and he is not willing to give that to you then you need to just have a good heart to heart with him and see what he says about it. In the end the decision is always yours whether you can live without being married or not. Hope the best for you.

Answer 6

I don't know about where you live but where I live after 6 months of cohabitating you are considered common law. Ask yourself this question my dear "Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free", don't be insulted I am meaning that he gets all the fringe benefits with out the so called legalities so why would he bother?

This is just my opinion

You need to state what it is you want for your future with your man and some sort of time line and try to stick to it.

Answer 7

Well, hon, if you are good enough to have been with him all of this time, good enough to share bank accounts, good enough to cook and help him, good enough to be with him and his friends, good enough to share this many years together, and you and he still care about each other, hon, you are good enough to be his wife, and he your husband, and unless he is hiding something, you'd better remind him of this.

If you want marriage, children later when your bond is really strong and you are both financially and emotionally capable of understanding just how really tough on a relationship a kid can be, and this guy doesn't wish marriage, it's time to give him the choice of marriage, or you are outa there to find a husband. You are undoubtedly a lovely lady, and will have no trouble finding a guy who wishes marriage..... it's a no brainer, and no compromise---- if you're ready, and he isn't, time to leave.... you have wasted enough time. and you will realize that when your desire for marriage is greater than your desire just to be with him.

Marriage is really special --- it says to the world you are a committed pair, and have a solid bond of love, and sharing. It is way more than a simple piece of paper, and a civil contract

Answer 8

Why is marriage so important to women? Why the importance of a legal document that says you're married. Who knows, in your state you may already have a common law marriage anyway.
As long as there are no children involved, I don't understand the need to "legalize" your relationship.

Answer 9

My Wife and I were just like you and your boyfriend, we lived together for about a year and then we said we love each other what are we waiting for. May 1st will be our ELEVEN YEAR WEDDING ANNIVERSARY :O) We are best friends and now we are expecting our first baby in May. We love being married and we are best friends !!! You and your man would feel so much better, it's a beautiful feeling :O) We hope the best for you and your man :O)

Answer 10

No one can tell you how long you should wait. The fact that you are asking indicates that perphaps you feel as though you have waited long enough. The bottom line is you will wait for as long as you want .......... then you will do something else.