exchanging personal emails containing sexual content with another person? I am just curious as to how others would react in this situation. Would you still hold your trust for them or would you see this as a prelude to actually physically cheating?
2007-01-05 12:31:06 · 18 answers · asked by Easter Bunny 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Other - Cultures & Groups
As you have asked, if it were me, I would do the following:
1. Sit my husband down and ask him why he was writing anything at all to another woman. I would ask him why he was writing sexually explicit stuff to her. It could be that he feels something is missing from OUR relationship. If this is so, I would want to know what he felt that was and why.
2. I would tell him how his actions (writing to another woman) affected me. I would be very firm and clear, using "I" statements. I wouldn't accuse him or berate him for his feelings, but would let him know how what he thinks, feels and does affects me.
3. I would make it clear that him writing to another woman (regardless if the content was sexual) was unacceptable while he is in a relationship with me. I would give him a choice to end it or end us. The choice must be his, that way he cannot throw blame at me for the choices he makes.
4. If his choice is to end it with the other woman, then I would insist on counseling for the both of us. Obviously, if either partner in a relationship has turned outward to fulfill any need, then that is an indicator that something isn't right within the relationship. The issues need to be uncovered and dealt with. The sooner, the better.
5. If his choice is to end it with me, I would insist on counseling first to see if the relationship can be salvaged. I value my marriage and wouldn't give it up so easily. If, through counseling, it was determined that the marriage couldn't be salvaged because he refused to give up the other woman, then I'd grant him a divorce. This would be a last resort, though.
It's a little different if you're not married because you're not legally bound to the other person. It's easier to leave the relationship from a logistical point of view. If you're not married, this situation is something to look very closely at as an indicator of what type of person you *might* or *might not* want to marry (if marriage is something you want).
At any rate, the emails he/she is sending to another person ARE a form of infidelity. That is, he/she is giving to this other person what he/she should be giving to you by nature and definition of your relationship. You need to discuss with your partner how each of you views the relationship, what the boundaries are, what each of your expectations are, what the future holds for you, what are deal breakers, etc. Depending on how each of you feels, the emails certainly can be seen as a prelude to actual physical cheating. My opinion is they certainly are.
However, this doesn't mean trust can't be restored. The key is communication, communication, communication! Don't take each other for granted. Don't assume that everything is okay even if there are no obvious signs of relationship decay. Relationships are like gardens: you have to be diligent in pulling the weeds that choke out the flowers, and you have to feed and water the plants on a regular basis in order for your garden to flourish.
Good luck to you. : )
2007-01-05 12:59:59 · answer #1 · answered by Jen 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Well it is hard to say.
It might be a case of seeking attention or it can be pure boredom. Of course, we cannot rule out the cheating part as well but it really depends on the basis of the relationship to be honest.
The trust issue is also dependent on your level of tolerance. To some, emotional/mental cheating is a form of cheating in its own right but to others, it might not be so.
I believe we all have our own little secrets hidden somewhere in our mailboxes nor perhaps our minds. Maybe a constant thought of Brad Pitt in Legend of the Falls or Angelina Jolie in Tomb Raider? Does that count as a prelude of physical cheating or simply a form of insecurity?
I am not saying that your case doesn't warrant an alarm but I believe you should assess it deeper before making a conclusive thought. More often than not, a failure in a relationship or cheating (in whatever forms) takes two tango.
2007-01-05 20:40:02 · answer #2 · answered by Josephus 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are exchanging sexually explicit emails, then you are already mentally having sex with that other person. Even if he's not physically engaging in sex, his mind is. And this is not the same as fantasizing about a super model. He's actually interacting with the other person. This indicates intent. Not good.
2007-01-05 20:39:55 · answer #3 · answered by lilrubberducky 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Definitely a prelude to cheating. I would show them the door.
2007-01-05 20:34:31 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 0⤋
I would not at all be pleased about this. I would look upon them with suspect and suspicion. I would have some long serious talks and I would expect it to stop. This is not proper for either partner to engage in and does not promote sustaining the relationship.
2007-01-05 20:42:37 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The thing with cheating is, an emotional connection with someone else can be just as damaging as the physical connection. I would confront my partner, and tell him that this is totally inappropriate behavior and that if he continues it, it's over!
2007-01-05 20:39:37 · answer #6 · answered by Momof3boys 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'd snap. That IS cheating and yes, I'd see it as a prelude to getting down and dirty.
2007-01-05 20:39:20 · answer #7 · answered by Sleek 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Viewing material by their lonesome would be OK ,
BUT actually exchanging emails would be out of bounds for me . . . I would be making my exit plan ,
(which varies for everyone depending on how your $$ are co-mingled - hope they are not , makes the exit easier)
2007-01-05 20:43:37 · answer #8 · answered by kate 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Personally, I wouldn't like it all and ask what the heck is going on. It would be hard to have trust after finding something like that. (You can buy software to record emails, I/M conversations, etc.) FYI.
I hope that didn't happen to you.
2007-01-05 20:40:03 · answer #9 · answered by New 4 Lulu 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It might not be a deal-breaker but it would make me pause and hesitate to go farther with the SO if it's existence was kept from me.
2007-01-05 20:36:35 · answer #10 · answered by DelK 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋