Ex husband has been dating for 3 months....?

Question

My ex husband has been dating this lady for 3 months. I havnt met her but my kids seem to like her.

My question is, now that he has a lady friend, he wants the kids to come and sleep over on weekends, even when hes at work....( he does alot of night work)........I have said no, as its sposed to be his visitation..so whats the point of sending the kids over if he's not going to be there to spend time with them?

What do you guys think?

Thank you for the sarcasism BOSTON..but I have a man...and I am not meddling in my ex's life..........Im am putting my children first.........I dont withold them from thaeir father , he gets to see them whenever he wants to..

I am just unsure about letting them stay over when he's not going to be there.

The children are only 8 and 10............and again, Im not saying that his new gf is a bad person, but they've only deen dating for about 12 weeks....

Answer 1

First off I would never let my kids go near anyone who my husband has only been with for that little time. You do not really know her and neither does he. We seem to think that knowing someone for that long is acceptable, it really isnt long enough. I am not saying she is not a good person and maybe she is and maybe the kids like her but its not the point. You just never know. When we first go out with someone we never truly are the same as when its been a long time are we? Someone can seem real nice at first and then bang.......ogre comes home. Secondly it sounds like he only wants the kids around now that he has someone to watch them and that is not the point of visitation anyway. You must follow the custody agreement but you do not have to give more than that. I applaud you for even thinking about the kids, alot of us get so tired we just pawn em off to have free time. I understand he is working and must make arrangements just like you do when you work but it isnt fair to his new girlfriend either to all of a sudden become babysitter, she might actually resent your kids because of it........I always err on the side of caution..............but thats just me.

Answer 2

Meet her, see how things go. Have a big dinner together one night, and if things go well, let the kids spend the night. Start off slow - one night out of a weekend, then build up from there. Even if he's working at night, he'd probably be able to have breakfast with them in the morning, or something.

Answer 3

Allot of times having the kids over isn't just for you or him. Sometimes it's just for the kids. The fact that he must work is already stressful for him. Knowing that the kids are sleeping over just creates a false feeling of semi "fatherdom". But, it's better than nothing. I guess what I am saying is if the kids are old enough to take care of themselves, it can't hurt! The best way to see how he feels is to take a few steps in his shoes. How would you feel if the roles were reversed?

Answer 4

I agree. Even though the kids like her, you don't know her and I personally wouldn't feel comfortable with someone I don't know taking care of my kids for hours on end. I am in the same situtation but on the other woman's side, where my BF has me around his kids all the time when they come to visit. They like me and I just adore them but I still think they deserve private time with their dad without having to worry about this new person and the new dynamics it brings to the house. I do think the kids come to see their dad and that's who they should spend the most time with. Then again if he is only gone while they are sleeping, I don't see too much harm, besides I would want to at least meet the woman first, since she is babysitting, technically. :-)

Answer 5

You should let the kids go and enjoy being with their father and his new love. Otherwise you would be violating his parental rights, and you don't want to do that. You are luckly that the woman likes the kids.

If he is a good father, you have no reasons to deprive him of his visitation rights. If the woman he is with is good to your children, BE HAPPY, for that means your children are great kids, and you have done a great job as a mother, and for that I APPLAUD YOU.

The best thing to do meet the woman, and have a friendly relationship with her. Be there for her and let her be there for you.

Answer 6

I think that he should not have his new g/f sleeping over when he has the kids. The focus should be for him to spend time with them. Same goes for you when you start dating again. The kids have been through enough with the divorce. New people in your lives only add to the confusion they already have about what used to be their family.

Answer 7

If they spend the night and he works. Does he come home and spend time with them in the am or in thepm before going to work? If not there is no reason in them going. Will be different when you get to know her better. But right now I would wait.

Answer 8

Well, if it is court ordered that they go over there on the weekends you better let them go weither you like it or not, because he can take you to court and state that you refused his visitation with his kids........

If you kids like this women and she is nice to them then I see no reason why you would not let them go because I am sure that he would make some time to spend with them while they are there...... Let him have his visitation and leave it at that...

Answer 9

Who will be watching the kids? His girlfriend? That's not cool and is really inappropriate to expose kids to that situation. This is not his wife just some woman he is sleeping with to put it mildly. Men don't seem to realize that their lives and behavior should change when they have children.

Answer 10

Depending on the kids ages, if it's okay with the kids, I think it should be okay with you too. Ultimately make sure they are comfortable with it because you don't want to make them feel like you are keeping them from their dad.