This is about next christmas. We had these problems this one and I know it will happen again so I want to nip it before it starts. My mother in law lives 15 minutes from us and we will be lucky to talk to her 4 times a year (usually drunken abusive calls) But at christmas time she decided she had to have us with her. My family lives far away but they make the effort to come and see us so we like to spend it with them. The mil had tantrums, disowned her son, the whole lot, last christmas we spent there she spent picking on me and my husband in front of the other kids (she didnt like my husbands father and he looks like him so she is horrible to him) we saw her in town the other day and she was talking about what she had planned for this coming christmas but my husband doesnt want to see her. He wont say anything to her though. What do we do? it will be our babys first christmas, and we want it to be with people who love us.
2007-01-05 11:47:26 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Who needs drunken abusive treatment??? Tell the mother in law, that Christmas time, is the only time you can spend with your family, that you were with her last Christmas, (and never go to her house again). If she wants to see her son and his family, tell her she can visit, as long as she is sober, and that her son did not pick his father, she did. Your husband, nor you or your child deserve this kind of treatment, (from family, no less) .
2007-01-05 11:52:06 · answer #1 · answered by NAN G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't have to take that kind of abuse. And, yes, it is abuse. It doesn't matter if she won't get to see her grandchild on his or her first christmas. In fact, it is better. Babies learn their behavior from their surroundings. And chances are, if she treats her own son very badly, she will treat her grandchild that way also. Talk to your husband and let him know how you feel. Christmas is a happy time to be with family. You have the right to say no. Make sure you communicate with your husband. Good luck and congratulations on the new addition!
2007-01-05 11:55:12 · answer #2 · answered by MrsalmostMom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let her know asap what your plans are for next Christmas. Explain that it is only fair that you share the grandchild with both sides of the family. Seeing as you were with her last year you feel a visit with your parents is due. Maybe the following year you could plan it at your house so that everyone could get together. She might behave more civilly if there are others around.
2007-01-05 11:53:57 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What about making arrangements to spend Christmas with your family this year? Explain to your mother in law that she lives close enough to see baby on a regular basis and so you've decided to make it fair and let your side spend time at christmas. Let her sulk if she wants but dont back down.
2007-01-05 11:52:46 · answer #4 · answered by sundancer332003 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if she is really that bad of a person then i would not spend christmas with her period....Just tell her that you and your husband has a child now and that you are making your own tradition,staying at home.If you give her a gift,drop it by a couple of days before christmas.If she ask to come to your house ,then tell her no drinking for her and also tell her no picking or she will be ask to leave....You could bar her from your house but you first need to give her a chance to act like a nice person,and if she can,t she will have to leave and will not be invited back to your house...Since your husband won,t say anything to her,then you will have to do the talking....
2007-01-05 11:57:51 · answer #5 · answered by slickcut 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs to stand up to her and tell her how she treats him how it makes him feel and that family is important especially around Christmas and you don't like exposing your children to the abuse. It's not healthy and it breaks their spirit and if he won't do it then you do it. What do you have to lose with her other than the abuse? Nip it in the butt now don't wait until the holidays when everything gets into an uproar anyways.
2007-01-05 11:52:25 · answer #6 · answered by Guess Who 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
'...and we want it to be with people who love us.'
then spend next christmas with people who love you and invite your mother-in-law to share christmas in your home. because it is your home you make the rules. tell her no drinking alcohol and no arguments or abusive language. tell her these things before the gathering. make the rules very clear to her.
and this will work. mothers-in-law are especially adept at taking obnoxious advantage of their children and their children's spouses.
then, if she comes into your home and breaks one of your rules ask her to leave. these are stpes you must take to let her know you are set on having a fun christmas.
if mother-in-law still becomes incorrigible or unreasonable and refuses to leave then call the police and have her escorted from your home.
believe me, you have every right to a happy christmas.....evfen if you may have to use extreme measures to enjoy that happiness.
2007-01-05 11:57:37 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make plans with your family and his. Plan to see his mother for a short set amount of time. Then spend time with your family
2007-01-05 11:50:12 · answer #8 · answered by beth9878 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like my grandmother. she ruined every family gathering; always verbally abusive. bipolar, not an alcoholic.
just tell her you're going to visit your family in a faraway state next x-mas, b/c you haven't been there in awhile. if she drives past your house that day, don't open the door.
count your blessings that you only see her 4 times a year.
2007-01-05 11:51:24 · answer #9 · answered by Becky 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell her that you already made plans for Christmas, and sorry that you won't be able to be there. Or maybe go out of town to other relatives.
2007-01-05 11:50:39 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋