am i right to stay?is he turning me into a looney?

Question

i met my partner 2 yrs ago and he has hit me few times,once each time,i left him had counselling,he then wormed his way back and i let him,saying he changed,i do think he has but again im black and blue spent new yr in hospital with head injury, made sure my family didn't know cause they would think the worse,i told friends i fell over drunk,which i thought myself a bit, is this what he wants?i can be a pain when drinking he said was down to me i started on him and thought he would lock me out & get me arrested but they took me to my friends,im 32 & been out for years never ended up like that,is it me or is he playing the game so i think that way? he was tagged last year for abuse on me even though it wasn't bad, but then it should not happen at all should it?
he took me to hospital etc it hasn't been til last few days i been thinking "i'm not sure this was my fault"

Answer 1

a man should never lift his hand to a women even if she cheats even if shes a total ***** cause what goes around comes around. I'm sure apart from the trauma you are also embarresed about it all. The Hardest thing to do is walk away from a love who doent love you back till your gone. I dont have any past experience's to draw upon but hope i helped....

Answer 2

You really need to step back and look at what you are saying. You have obviously lost touched with yourself, probably from being in this abusive and controlling relationship.

I know it is hard to break away from a partner that you have been through so much with and for a good length of time but sometimes you have to make hard choices and look out for yourself. You and only you are responsible for the things that you allow to happen to yourself. You have to want better for yourself and you can't settle for any less!

Physical violence leaves more than just scars on the skin. The longer you stay the higher the price you pay. People who love each other do not seek to harm and hurt one another. You really deserve so much better and it will come to you once you get out of this toxic relationship and do some soul searching.

Your partner is a miserable person who loves through controlling and belittling, he will never know the true meaning of love or experience such...so sticking with him will rob you of more than you know.

Please seek help, either from a Women's Crisis Shelter or a professional!

Answer 3

I was with a guy that was abusive, it never put me in hospital or anything but it did change me. It was almost 7yrs ago now and I'm only now just starting to realise the impact it has had on my life. Some of the things you say ring bells with me and it makes me sad for you because I know how you feel. My boyfriend hit me and pushed me down stairs and generally made my life a misery, but at the time I thought it was ok because when things were "good" I was on cloud nine! I thought I loved him soo much! I honestly remember thinking he was the one, and we could work it out? My friends were worried about me and after a couple of years I just stopped confiding in them. Me and him became reclusive, we smoked alot of weed and I thinked that helped me pretend everything was OK. The worst thing about that relationship was how mentally vulnerable I was, the mental abuse lasts a lot longer than the physical as I'm sure you are starting to realise. Do you find yourself thinking about him in one way or another ALL the time? Whenever you break up with him, a big hole is left in your life, what do you think about when you've spent so long thinking about him? You need to find something (not someone) else to think about. Can you travel or something, get a new job?
I would never tell you what to do, because your already getting enough of that from everyone already. I can only tell you that its definitly not your fault, men shouldn't hit women no matter how wound up or drunk they are.
I borrowed money on a credit card and went to Australia for 3 months (bad I know). Took me a few years to pay that off but it was worth it.
Even so when I came back I jumped into a new relationship within 6mths with a guy who was never ever violent, but he cheated, thats a whole other story, but apparently once you've been in one unhealthy relationship its difficult not to get into another.
You need to have some time to yourself, change your surroundings and get selfish for a couple of years, put yourself 1st and make some new friends. Buy yourself some new clothes, love who you are, before long your head will be too busy to deal with his rubbish and your new life should be beckoning.
every time things get bad ask yourself - does he deserve you?
Your stronger than you realise. When I did this, when I started meeting new people, he got worse and this was a massive clue to me at the time. He wanted me vulnerable and miserable.

Now I've met someone who doesn't hit, doesn't cheat, he's lovely and all the excitement is there, imagine if you missed out on that gorgeous guy just waiting to meet you because your too busy dealing with all of this?
look after number one babe, good luck.
xx
KJ

Answer 4

JP, good for you for coming to your senses.xxx
Of course it's not your fault.
Besides, maybe you don't even love him, but been conditioned so well, that you think that you need him.
You know, like the faithfull dog whose master can beat, starve, but which has only known just that. So, it'll stay till the master eventually kill it.
No offence JP, but do you see the similarities?
He does treat you like a punching ball;
He does treat you like an animal, like you have no feelings; can't think for yourself and need him to survive; and you're are going along with it.
Well, you had. I'm glad that you are finally seeing sense, and realize that you ARE a PERSON.
You know, a tormentor doesn't need reasons to torment someone. It's just a pleasure. It's an addiction.
Wouldn't you want to know what it's like to be treated like a WOMAN. You know, when you're angry and your partner wonders what's got into you, and avoids you, because women can talks all day? when they're alright, let alone when they're angry!
Or they might not talk at all, just have this face!
Oh, scary!
See, a normal partner wouldn't hit you because you dare show how you feel. Because that's what makes a relationship alive. You know, having someone to interact with.
Imagine when YOU decide that you're going to do something nice for that partner, and he'll want to hug you; kiss you and be proud of you.
Because it does happen. With a half decent bloke, let alone if you happen to meet the right one.
Yes, well done JP for thinking and rebelling.
I bet you know exactly what you have to do now, and can't wait to start afresh.
Good luck.
Be strong, it's not easy to fight back, but it does make you stronger and then you end up not taking any crap from anybody. I'm telling you!xxx

Answer 5

If you were walking down the street and you saw someone kick a dog you would be appalled and sickened - what makes you think your life is worth any less than that dog's? No one, absolutely no one, deserves to be abused. You can't make someone hit you, it was his CHOICE to hit you. But you already know that because you purposely lied to everyone to cover up for him. He's an unhappy man with a serious problem. He needs help, help that you can't give him.

Every day that you stay with him you lose more of your self-esteem and sense of self-worth. You mentioned that you have gone for counseling and I think that is great, however, he needs counseling as well.

Get out, leave immediately. You deserve to be with someone who loves you. He's not the one. Tell your friends and family what has happened - it's nothing for you to be embarassed about - it's his problem, NOT YOURS! Let your family and friends be your support.

Answer 6

Hello i am a 32 yr old women and i have been in the same situation and i also have Friends in the same situation , from experience he will never ever change , and no it is not your fault , get away from him as soon as you can contact women's aid for help either to get away from him or to get him out of the house and well if he is violent and he wont like it !!
GET OUT STAY OUT AND NEVER GO BACK ,
NEXT TIME HE COULD KILL YOU ,
new year new start new life
move on and up and you will never look back
leave this sorry excuse for a man .you are worth so much more!
good luck and look after yourself xxx

Answer 7

Get out now befor it is too late....Once an abuser always an abuser, he will never change.
What strikes me is how you try and justify his bad behaviour......there is no wxcuse for hitting a woman and it will only get worse. tell yourself that you deserve better than this loser, and go and tell your family and friends, so that they can give you the kind of support that you need. I consider that you have a low opinion of yourself, as any self respecting woman would not tolerate any man hitting them.
Go and reclaim your life.......you know that you can do it....you just need some support.

Answer 8

Not your fault but they make you feel like it is,its a classic blaming you for their problems-get away from him,he wont change,they never do,You will probably even feel guilty and sorry for him when you think of leaving ,but if you don't he could kill you,it only takes one of those blows to the head to hit you in the wrong place and you will be dead,or him going too far one night,im talking from experience,it took me 5 years to leave,5 hospital visits ,a suspected bleed on the brain and several broken bones.It actually hurt to leave him,can you believe it.Its only now when i look back,i cant believe i stayed after he lifted his hand the first time and stupidly blamed myself.I have a happy life now and most importantly i have piece of mind.take care of yourself and good luck for the future

Answer 9

You have got to get out and now. For years I grew up watching my father beat up my mum and mentally and emotionally torture her. Even though she eventually managed to get away, he broken her spirit along with her bones & her heart. There wern't as many resources & support available then as there is now & Drs responce then was to dish out valium like smarties. She eventually became dependent on them and had a nervous break down. He is trying to make you believe that its your fault that he does these things to you that you drive him to it. NO MAN HAS THE RIGHT TO PUT HIS HANDS ON A WOMEN IN ANGER IT IS WRONG AND THERE IS NO EXCUSE EVER I know its hard to break away and its typical of most abusers to try and make the victim feel as though its their fault and the shame that should be theirs is felt by theirs is felt by the victim that's their evil way of silencing you.
To see some ones spirit break (especially your Mothers) is heart breaking, AND REMEMBER JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE SURVIVED DOESN'T EVER MAKE IT OK! Please GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN OR THIS MAN WILL DESTROY YOU and take full advantage of resources available while you still can Good Luck let us know how you get on. xxx

Answer 10

Get out Sweetie...you'll end up on medication
of course it's not your fault....he doesn't have to resort to violence...there must be loads of little madams out there when they've had a drink or two...their b/f's don't retaliate by kicking the sh.it out of them.
He'll always blame you...you're worth much better than that...very clever...he's already got you questioning yourself.
GET OUT....GET OUT....GET OUT
it won't change you know

you know you know don't you?