okay, here is the situation me and my wife were married 3 months before i went to war in afghanistan, when i was there i was very faithful to her, but she was unfaithful, not to go into details but there was many guys she was with and had one in my house for 7 months. when i got back i found out everything and we didnt divorce just separated for about a year, then we met up one day and she got pregnant, now the feelings arent there for her, but we have a son as of now, and she wants to work things out, make them good, but we have been separated for about a year, and then we had a fling and our son was born. my question is, what do i do, i mean am i wrong for feeling like this. i dont feel the love for her as i did, but this is my first son. someone please provide some help what do i do?
2007-01-05 11:18:19 · 22 answers · asked by The LuvDoctor 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
she cheated, i'd get a DNA test thats for sure just so you know in your heart he really is yours , if that is already established then get on with life ask for 50 /50 custody and your child support will be almost nothing good luck
2007-01-05 11:22:46 · answer #1 · answered by Gina 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It is totally ok...you had to deal with a wife that was unfaithful, that takes a lot out of a person right there. And for the "fling" maybe you wanted to see if there was still something in your heart for the relationship and you found out that there wasn't. However, you now have a child...you can be a father, a great father even though yourself and the mother are not in a loving relationship any more. I think that your first priority now should be your son for sure. And you and your ex wife can work on being parents not companions.
2007-01-05 11:30:16 · answer #2 · answered by STACEY W 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It is hard to love someone you can't trust. If you want to give it a try for your son, then competent couseling is needed. Each of you should have separate counseling first, then you can work your way into counseling together. It is clear you have a good heart and are concerned about your son but you have been deeply hurt by your wife and you need to take care of how you feel. It sounds like your wife's promiscuity could come from simple insecurity due to low self esteem and/or it could be acting out due to past childhood abuse. Either way, whether you stick it out or split up, try to seek counseling or read some books until you feel comfortable. Each of you owes your little boy a chance to grow up in a loving, non-hostile home, whether that is with you and your wife or other partners. I grew up in a home where they "stayed together for the kids' sake" and it was miserable because there was no love there. Bless you and best wishes.
2007-01-05 11:34:23 · answer #3 · answered by Friend 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Since she has been unfaithful, get a DNA test to make sure your son is actually yours. If he is, be sure to work out a visitation schedule and some type of child support.
Secondly, you don't have to be married to or in a relationship with someone you don't have feelings for even if you do have a child together. Sure a family with a mom and dad together in one house is the perfect situation, but it may not be best for any of you. In time you may grow to resent her and your life with her and your interactions may not be pleasant...which can be stressful for your son.
You owe him and yourself the happiest and best life you can have. You may go on to meet another lovely woman who truly loves you and will be faithful and you can build a life together that includes your son, which would be much better for him than living with two people who are together but not really into each other.
2007-01-05 11:32:01 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You will NEVER get over her infidelity ......move on......if that is really your child ( take a DNA test) .....have a relationship with the child........ but the wife........RUN FROM HER!!!! You answered your own question, you do not have feelings for her anymore. Always remember if she cheated once, she will do it again, and she had the nerve to have several different men, why did you have unprotected sex with her. You know that you just sleep with all of her partners by proxy....right?
To top it off, she is a very disrespectful woman, ( don't get mad at me, but she sounds like a ho) how can you move a man into your home, and your husband is putting his life on the line, fighting a war .......on a daily basis.... and she is spreading her legs for every Tom, Dick, and Harold,
please, dismiss that ho....be a father to your son, ( IF HE IS YOURS) but make her your ex-wife...LET THAT HO READ ABOUT YOU!!!
2007-01-05 11:43:47 · answer #5 · answered by Lottalady 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think YOU need sometime and get your heard together before you work on the relationship. Right now, you're not feeling her. By getting back with her its not going to make it better. My suggestions: Go to councelling - both of you. Also, start all over again. Date and court each other - keep separate residents. She has to earn your trust again. Don't let her rush you and if she gets mad so be it. She was the one that phucked up.
Good luck and I hope that everything will work out for you whatever the outcome will be.
2007-01-05 11:45:24 · answer #6 · answered by gloried 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the best thing to do first of all is to get a DNA test. Given her history, you need to be sure of the child's parentage.
Secondly, if this is your child, do everything you can to make it work. Date her all over again. Try to love her. If you CANNOT forgive her (and you have a right not to) then you must always make it a point to live near your child and have at least a cordial relationship with her. If you do not reconcile, go to court and get visitation arrangements.
2007-01-05 13:05:45 · answer #7 · answered by NolaD 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First get a paternity test done to be certain the child is your's. If he is and you don't want to spend your life with his mother, then you can still have the boy in your life on a regular basis. Just make sure you have that in included in the divorce proceedure you file. You don't have to live in a loveless marriage to keep contact with your son.
2007-01-05 11:40:25 · answer #8 · answered by slick chik 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's hard to have the same feelings that you had. She cheated on you and that is something you are going to have a hard time forgetting. You have to forgive and forget her in order to start over. I would say that you guys should work on being friends and just building a relationship for your son's sake. Then after that if you can forgive and forget then you can try it again.
2007-01-05 11:41:54 · answer #9 · answered by Moni0718 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think it would be better for all of you if you didn't get back with her just because of your child. be there for your child while hes growing up have him come visit you if your still in the military and get stationed some where else. but a marriage made only for a child with one parents who doesn't love the other parent doesn't stand a very good chance of lasting. i think your son and all three of you will be better of if you both raise the child to let him know beyond a doubt that you both love him but i don't think marriage is necessary. divorce should it happen later on is messy with kids .
2007-01-05 11:28:21 · answer #10 · answered by ~*~AmethystMoonBeams~*~ 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I understand why you're feeling as you do. Don't commit yourself to a relationship you can't really put yourself into 100%. Pay your child support. See your son on a regular basis. And if you're not having feelings for his mom, don't get caught in this situation again! You might consider seeing a lawyer. Who knows? Maybe one day your child will be living with you. Godloveya.
2007-01-05 11:30:48 · answer #11 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋