Is it possible that a physically/mentally abused child can grow up with homosexual tendencies?

Question

I was raised in a heavily abusive home. I do not consider myself gay or bi, but I do have homosexual tendencies that I believe arose from CONSTANT domination from my stepfather. I was never allowed to do anything without being told to. I was made to work constantly, and a variety of other abuse. I lived through this from the age of 3. My therapist and I are exploring this route as to why I am having homosexual thoughts and feelings. I am not attracted to men, nor am I interested in any romantic/emotional relationships with men. However, I sometimes think about men having sex with me. I also feel compulsed to dress in women's clothing . I think this is to provide something feminine to the homoerotic masturbation I engage in from time to time, or as a way to transform myself into "someone else". I am married, and my wife knows about this. What do you think? Am I trying to somehow relive the constant domination? Please see the following link: http://www.joekort.com/articles84.htm

Answer 1

I think that people who learn to be a victim - as in any abusive situation - can sometimes identify the with perceived subservient role of women in our society.

I know a straight man who served in the military and formed close relationships. After the military was over a former army buddy approached him. The buddy was gay and wanted this other straight man to be with him - but the buddy was very clear that he would always be the man. They had 1 sexual encounter together and the person I knew was surprised to find himself feeling vulnerable and subservient he felt. He later said that he understood more what it was like to be a female. He decided not to pursue the relationship, but that experience has stuck with him for a long time.

What I am trying to say is that being a victim can teach us to look at ourselves as subservient - and for men, that very often equates with being female. If you feel this is a problem, there are all sorts of mental and emotional work you can do yourself to help deal with it. Louise Hay's book "You Can Heal Your Life" worked wonders for me - here's a link: http://www.hayhouse.com/details.php?id=267

There are women who grow up with abusive fathers who somehow seem to learn to enjoy a man dominating them, but they are unwilling to please a man. Somehow what you are saying sounds like that to me.

Peace!

Answer 2

There is absolutely no evidence that childhood abuse (physical, sexual or otherwise) causes a homosexual orientation. Such ideas are pure speculation on the part of some psychoanalytically oriented theroists, and have as much empirical support as similar theories popular 50 years ago around the origins of schizophrenia and autism spectrum disorders which have since been thoroughly discredited by empirical research.

It is quite normal for people doing deep psychotherapeutic work to encounter gender or orientation aspects of themselves that they weren't previously consciously aware of. Psychotherapy is about unpacking complexities, not reinforcing glib simplifications. Freud himself believed that bisexuality was the "normal" underlying default setting, but I'm not sure I agree with him.

The abuse equation actually works the other way: gay or sensitive kids are more likely to be abused (especially sexually) than others BECAUSE they are gay or sensitive. Not the other way around. Bullies, abusers and paedophiles target the vulnerable, and a gay kid in a homophobic culture is extremely vulnerable.

Answer 3

The jury is still out on what "causes" one to be gay (or bi).

I kind of see a link between a lack of affection from your stepfather and thinking about men being physical with you. That part of your past you may be unconsciously trying to make up for, and probably shouldn't be considered homosexual in the usual sense of the term.

Your questions seem to be best answered by a therapist, not by us amateurs. Your therapist seems to be of the Freudian school, where the "causes" must be ferreted out. There are other approaches that might serve you better than mulling over your past, such as helping you accept yourself for who you are now without fretting over how you got to be that way. Lots of people without your background have the same needs and desires and lead perfectly happy lives. Worry less, enjoy who you are more. God bless.

Answer 4

Absolutely. However some respond differently. I would say you should get help for what could become a sexual addiction somewhere like TruthCoaching.com or somewhere which treats sexual addictions for couples. This will do harm to and possibly destroy your marriage if not dealt with. Good for you that you are being honest with her. Listen to what her feelings are about it. I consider it defiling the marriage bed (cheating, adultery of the heart). I would guess you are still seeking the love and validation you didn't get from the abusive parent. Making love to yourself or fantasizing about men or other sexually destructive behavior patterns such as porn will destroy you in the end and those you love and keep you from finding real love and security and satisfaction. This comes from accepting Jesus Christ into your heart. There is help. You may have to accept that you are a person worthy of love and respect and you don't have to be in control all the time. Trust Jesus with it. He is all you need and quite big enough to fix this little problem. A born again experience, prayer, meditation on the Word, and counseling from mentors holding you accountable and you should be able to heal and preserve your marriage and maybe even be stronger than before. You can succeed!

Answer 5

I don't know but you need to talk to a shrink, it seems that you also have a very understanding wife and between her and the shrink they will be able to help you through this crisis
Also a lot of straight for men like to dress up as women and therefore I would not think that you are gay just for this reason alone, but you may need to think about your thoughts on haveing sex with other men and should maybe explore this further to get rid of this feeling for good or bad
But more importantl is that you need help to talk about your upbringing and a shrink should be able to help you out

Answer 6

I believe there are definitely instances where one's environment (sexual abuse or whatever) can cause someone to seek gratification in a way they normally would not. You see this with women who have been abused and return to similar relationships because for some reason it is what they know or feel it is the only type of relationship they can be successful or feel themselves in. I am not saying that there aren't those people who are born gay, because we still have insufficient evidence to support this, and it may be true, but I do believe one's environment can drastically affect one's reality. Good luck, and sorry about what you have had to go through.

Answer 7

Speaking from someone who was mentally and physically abused by other kids and is straight, ley me tell you the whole sexual abuse/homosexuality theory is total bunk. One doesn't equate the other and this has been proven time and time again.

One sentence in your long statement concerns me though: "My therapist and I are exploring this route as to why I am having homosexual thoughts and feelings." Why is your therapist linking the to in the first place when it isn't even true that either are linked. I would personally get another therapist who knows for sure that sexual abuse doesn't lead to homosexuality and who would help you understand the feelings you're going through.

Answer 8

I don't think your homosexual tendencies stem from being dominated by your stepfather. Work and good discipline isn't abuse. You probably turned out a better person than the next guy who was handed everything on a silver platter. You'll be fine.

Answer 9

I think you have the tendency of being homosexual from your past times. I have a friend who was abused when a child and now she became a big lesbian ever.

Answer 10

Yes, and it's possible for an abused child to grow up with straight tendencies, or bi- tendencies.

Childhood abuse has nothing to do with your inborn natural sexual orientation. I would think that such experiences would make a person Asexual more than anything.