I have been married for 13 years. She is a wonderful person and we get along fine. Our sex life has never been good, she doesn't like it at all. We've tried everything, therapy, etc. She just doesn't like it and doesn't want to have sex ever. We have 2 great kids. The big problem is that, no matter what I try, I don't get turned on by her anymore, and I want to have some good sex. I don't want a divorce, but its been 13 years!! What should I do?
2007-01-05 10:25:01 · 33 answers · asked by HeadH 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Get a mistress, one that is good in bed and doesn't want to commit to anyone. There are many married women out there that just want sex and their husbands are to busy for them.
2007-01-05 10:30:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 4⤋
Has she tried see a physician? I know a lot of women who have no interest in sex have a physical issue so a good physical from a female physican would be the first thing I would try. Has there been any past abuse that would keep her from being intimate? If you don't want a divorce (good for you, by the way) and obviously having an affair is never a good idea, you will need to openly and honestly tell her how important your sex life is to your marriage and to you as a man. Also, more therapy might be something you need to try again. Just because you tried it once doesn't mean you don't need a "tune up" now. If there wasn't complete honesty or you didn't have a really good therapist that deals with these kind of issues, you may not have gotten what you needed the first time around. Good luck.
2007-01-05 10:32:06 · answer #2 · answered by Jenny S. 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
By now there is not much I can say except you should enjoy living with a faithful wife and also probably a good mother. Disregard all the empty heads who think that marital problems are resolved in cheating. After a few years of marriage, sex for most women becomes more emotional than physical. Search her past, childhood, grown-up years, is there something disturbing that can affect her emotional state? I do not know your age but she may be looking for a father figure in you more than a husband. I understand and sympathize the coldness in the bedroom but it is time for you to support your wonderful wife as she goes to a very sensitive period in her life. You are far from going into a divorce. In fact, do not even think about it. Keep in mind that many men that you meet are in the same boat where you are but privacy prevents them to boast to the open their frustration. Be patient to work it out and you will learn to live with a smile again.
2007-01-05 11:12:04 · answer #3 · answered by alpha & omega 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well knowing you dont want a divorce and want to stay with her I would say she should grin and bear it. Sex comes with marriage and thats just the bottom line. She needs to be fair and STOP being selfish. Most men would have left her asss and you want to be with her and not cheat so she should be greatful and I would let her know that. It would be one thing if she had health issues and couldnt but just not liking it is NOT a good enough reason to leave you hanging. Ask her would she prefer you got sex from someone else? She needs MORE therapy because something isn't clicking. She should be checked by a medical doctor as well.
2007-01-05 10:32:31 · answer #4 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK here is one that hits close to home for myself! Your wife could possibly have a thyroid disorder or a hormonal problem...Just the thought of sex used to disgust me and now that I have finally found the actual problem I can happily say that my husband and I have a much better sex life...it's not up to par as far as he is concerned but at least he's getting it more than once a year! We now get it going on about twice a week and it's getting better every day! I would suggest that you take her and have your doctor run a full and thorough blood check to make sure that all her chemical balances are in order...believe it or not some of the worse psych problems are caused by a chemical imbalance in the body somewhere...have it checked out just to be safe...she might have a much worse problem than I did or she might not have any problem at all other than she might be cheating on you...hhhmmm banish the thought of that!
2007-01-05 10:46:04 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, 13 years is an eternity if you're not having sex. I'm afraid you're married to someone who you're just not sexually compatible with.
It's no wonder you don't get turned on by her. A major part of being attracted to someone is knowing they're interested in you.
I can't blame you for wanting some good sex for a change. I sure don't advocate cheating but the thought of living in a sexless marriage for the rest of my life would make me cringe. Good luck and I hope someone has a good answer for you.
2007-01-05 10:34:08 · answer #6 · answered by katydid 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hey if you really love your wife first of all you dont want to cheat on her.
Try and switch things up a bit.
Take her to a sex store and buy some toys.
Just try something different to spice up things in the bedroom.
Cook her a nice meal.
Give her a warm bubble bath.
Dont let 13 years just go.
If all that doesn't work just ask her what's wrong and what can you do.
2007-01-05 10:39:36 · answer #7 · answered by Lisa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is not meant to sound mean or cold, but did you ever think that maybe the problem is you? Maybe the reason she isnt interested is that ,you dear, might not do it for her. My suggestion, romance her. Bring her flowers, cook her dinner one night, take her on a date without the kids. Make her feel special. Do these things and dont expect sex in return. Do them because you love her. Then read up on things you can do to please HER. My guess would be that if you start taking care of her needs, and you are good at it...she will want to do it more with you. Marriage takes work, attention, and nurturing. A woman wants to do it with someone who knows what they are doing ,and how to do it, and does it well. Sorry if this seemed harsh. Good Luck to you
2007-01-05 10:35:56 · answer #8 · answered by Renee 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The thing about men is that their desire for sex comes from a physical place. It's a physical need for you guys. With women, it's emotional.
I've never been what you would call a fiend, either, but I do the best that I can do for my husband. He actually told me one time, "Sometimes you've just got to do things you don't want to do". Not that he pushes himself on me or anything like that, but sex is a need for him, I am his wife, and I want to be the one to fullfill that need. That said, what does she say that you're supposed to do? Go without sex? You're a man. You just can't. Cheat? I'm sure not. Go back to counseling alone. See if you can sort things through for yourself.
Good luck to you.
2007-01-05 10:32:24 · answer #9 · answered by Josi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Was this person sexually abused as a child? I'm sorry, but, her strong dislike of sex, doesn't sound healthy to me. Something isn't right here, and just "not liking sex" doesn't make sense to me. Sex is a way to express your love for your partner. I don't know what to tell you, except to ask your wife what's really going on with her dislike of sex. And, where did it come from?
2007-01-05 10:37:51 · answer #10 · answered by sundeevah 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Has she been evaluated by a physician? She needs lab tests and a consult with a GYN doctor. If everything has been ruled out and there is no physical problem then you may as well face the fact of a sexless marriage.....and go from there. She is the one calling the shots, pal.
2007-01-05 10:31:03 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋