We've been together for 16 years. This is the second incident although he refers to the first as a fling. This incident was a 6+ month relationship with a chic he slept with in college. We have two children together. I'm a good wife, an even better mother, and I make a sizeable contribution to our financial well-being. He insists it's over, has bent over backwards to make amends, even tried to connect me and the other woman on the phone so I could verify some of what he told me. I still feel deeply hurt and I can't trust him. Here's the catch... I had a year-long affair 4 years ago but was never caught. Do I have a right to leave him....do two wrongs make a right? I know he loves our family and I love him too, but I can't get over this. What should I do??
2007-01-05 10:20:21 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
How can you expect him to be honest when you are not. Tell him what you have done talk about your feelings towards each other. Maybe its time to be friends, and to be parents to your children.
2007-01-05 11:15:02 · answer #1 · answered by bentomsun 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel like you both have lost touch with each other, having children will do that. You have to ask yourself do you love this man enough to want to stay? If so, then some counseling and a weekend getaway may rekindle what you both have lost. What was the main reason you had an affair that lasted a year? Did he make you feel beautiful again? Was there passion in your sexual relationship? All these things somehow get lost after being married for 16 years and it would eventually get lost with whoever you ended up with if you got divorced. My guess is your husband had an affair for the same reasons. Try reconnecting with your husband and decide that the past is the past and your relationship starts here....... You married him 16 years ago so try and remember why you married him. I believe your relationship is worth the effort. Good-luck!
2007-01-05 10:33:30 · answer #2 · answered by Mustang Sally 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl you never tell him about your affair. You will only be giving him more excusing to cheat.Two wrongs don't make a right. You two need to stop playing games with each other. Your either going to stay in work in out, but I feel if you do one day your going to cheat again. Something is missing in this relationship. I think you should read the proper care and feeding of husbands and ten stupid things couples do to mess up their relationships by Dr. Laura C. Schlessinger. You need to do something. Or your relationship going to be a roller coaster. Most of the time these kind of relationships don' t last past 9 to 10 yrs. Unless you go get the help you need. Prey.
2007-01-05 10:42:49 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here's the thing... I just don't get that you two are in love with each other. I get a sense that you settled for one another. And, now maybe are feeling you have to stay together because you've been together so long. And, of course, there's the, "we'll do it for the children" thing. But, honestly...that isn't healthy. If you're not happy together, leave. Don't settle, life is too short. And, I'm sure, that you want your child to see a happy, passionate, loving family...not people settling for what they know, simply because it's familiar. It doesn't matter that you both cheated, it matters that apparently, you two haven't been "enough" for the other.
2007-01-05 10:32:43 · answer #4 · answered by sundeevah 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is your guilt that is shaming you. Not his fling. And the fact that he did to you what you did to him. You tell him what you did and both decide from there. That is only fair. You said you didn't get caught. Are you sure about that? Even if not you are paying a far higher price. Deceit.You both are. Each of you had the affairs for a reason. Be honest with one another and respect each other enough to work this through or walk. Good luck.
2007-01-05 10:31:24 · answer #5 · answered by bountyhunter101 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Only you know what you can live with, when I caught mine cheating (also together 16 yrs) it took time and honest no holds barred talking about the why but i stayed. It's been 3 yrs and I can't say that I don't wonder if he'll do it again but it doesn't consume me. If he did it again, it would be over. Once I forgive, after that I can't live with it, him, or myself. Think long and hard, have an honest sit down with him on the why, then only you can decide what is acceptable for you. Good Luck.
2007-01-05 10:26:07 · answer #6 · answered by lee 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off he doesn't deserve your trust. Whether you stay together or not, he should spend the rest of his life apologizing and making up for his indiscretions. If he is truly sincere, it could heal in time...perhaps a long time but until then you have to decide is this the life i want...everytime he leaves the house, you'll be asking yourself...where is he going? Is he with another woman? Do you want that?
2007-01-05 10:25:01 · answer #7 · answered by westfield47130 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I didn't even have to read the whole description to tell you to leave him. The same rules apply to a cheating husband as they do an abusive one: If he does it once and you forgive him he'll just do it again because he knows you'll just take him back.
2016-03-29 09:31:29 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
its not about wheter you have the right to leave as whether you want to make your marriage work or not if you have a strong relationshipbefore this or is it about it being an ex ask yourself why you slept with someone else boredom plays a big part i bet talk with him and maybe explore the couples or swinging scene
2007-01-05 10:36:50 · answer #9 · answered by ariesfunram 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tough situation, your children are involved. I think both of you need counselling. If you love each other so much, why would you hurt each other. Get some help.
2007-01-05 10:34:35 · answer #10 · answered by Paul 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋