my husband ted is so involved with his "1st family" i feel like a 3rd wheel,how can i get over this feeling

Question

just got married last mon and i feel like i'm the other women in my husbands life.ted was married before with a 8 yr old son.ted's ex calls/email daily to chat to ted about every detail that happens in thier sons life which then leads to other things not related to the child.his ex called us in the middle of the night to tell us he had a tooth ache and what should she do.they have a child and there will be contact but it seems she just uses this to talk to my husband.he left her and she still has feelings for him thats why she hates me and openly lets everyone know what she thinks of me.ted will also go to all school functions with her, because i'm not allowed(her doing)they share custody and ted gets to see his son 3 days a week so its not like they live miles away and he has no clue how his son is doing.i feel like there are 3 people in this marrage me,her,and ted.please stepmoms/moms how can i learn to live with this?oh just to let you he did not leave her for me.

Answer 1

it sounds like you need to have a long talk with Ted. lay your cards on the table, tell him how you feel. Ted is married to you now, he needs to break a few ties with the last wife.

Answer 2

I think there is some kind of resentment between you and the other lady and your husband is in between. Dear Heart, of course you know that resentment can destroy a person and not the other party.
The lady is probably jealous and frustrated because your husband pays more attention to you and is out to let you know that she is still there and do not intend to dissappear. There probably is gossips going around too which you should not listen to. The words sometimes get distorted and take a very different meaning when they are repeated because the gossipper adds her own feelings into it. I say her but it can also be a man of course. I feel there is a lot of it around you and it could destroy your marriage.

I feel sorry for the kids being caught in the middle of this battle. Please do not be offended. I'm only trying to help you get over this feeling of being an invader. The best advice I could give you is to have a good talk with your husband about the situation. Calmly and without any resentment, and it would be a good idea too to get together, the three of you without the children, and clarify the situation. I'm certain all of you will find a way to deal with it for the benefit of the children and your own peace of mind....
Sort of " When you can't fight them; join them!"manner. Don't see yourself as a victim dear Heart. You are a part of this family and the other lady is too. It is complicated but it can work out if all of you manage to keep your emotions under control and perhaps get a marriage councellor if needed.

I wish you all the happiness you deserve and peace in your relationship with the other members of your family.

GBY.

Answer 3

Hi Stacey

Just wondering if u new what u where getting in2 ? Look its great Ted is so involed with his son and u should never stop that. Maybe talk 2 Ted and tell him how u feel after all it is your marrage.How come ted left in the 1st place ? there must b reasons . Tell the ex 2 pull up a bit dont let her rule your life and c if ted stands by u . Good luck !

Answer 4

I was born and raised as a JW too. I haven't left the organization yet, but I had a bad experience with one of the witness. It almost got me kicked-out of the organization. After that experience, I felt like I couldn't trust anyone inside anymore and I stopped participating in the meetings and distanced myself from others. I still go to the Kingdom Hall every week, because I still live at my parent's place and I don't see anything bad from that. But what I do is sit there and listen then afterwards just stay in the car while waiting for my brother and mother. I don't wanna make new friends there anymore. I feel like they'll betray me again soon. I still pray to Jehovah every night and I'm pretty sure He understands what I'm feeling. It's normal for you to feel to be disconnected, just pray and tell Him everything that you feel and I'm pretty sure things will be okay soon. We're just used to having our friends around which are Witnesses too, but try making new friends and you wouldn't feel disconnected anymore. Hope this helps! :)

Answer 5

the three days that your husband gets to spend with his chid should be at home with you two. let your husband know that you want to be part of the child's life a little more. dispite the fact that the mom doesen't like you. get more involve with dad and child. egnore her she's jealous of you thats why she expresses so much hate towards you. you have what she wants. and always let your husband know how much you love him and his child. the ex needs to kick bricks! good luck!