Arghh! I've made the decision to split with wife..feeling awful.?

Question

hi gang. I've been seperated from my wife now for over 2 months (been living out of family home), and she is moving out this weekend, and I'm moving back to home. I made the decision to split, we'd been together for 12 years and have two great kids. However, I'm feeling terrible about the decision. I know it's the right one for me, but she is finding it extremely difficult (some days better than others) still not clear on why I did it, but I've been as clear as I can. I really want her to get on with her life, I am supporting her financially as best I can (this will not change), however the relationship is just not working for me anymore. There has been a long period of soul-searching on this one. Is it just part of the grieving process for her - will moving house allow her to pick her self up and continue to heal. I guess I kinda know the answer, but just want some affirmation from others who may understand or experienced a similar situation. cheers

Hi - thanks for the fast responses. Yes, I certainly care for her, she is the mother of my kids and 12 years together is a long time. We broke up many times in the early years together, the final one a biggy. She came back the following week announcing she was pregnant (this was 6 years ago) - so we gave it another shot, got married and here we are. I wonder if we would be together if not for the fact she got pregnant. will never know on this one. I've had my own counselling and have come to this decision as clear in my mind as possible about what I've decided and the effects it will have on her and the kids. I don't want to live a life of 'settling'. I don't want to get to 50 and think 'why didn't I do something all those years ago?'. We met when I was 20, and I'm now 32. I want to be true to myself and give her the opportunity to be loved as she deserves.

Answer 1

If you are sure you don't want to be married to this person and you don't love her anymore, you're doing the right thing. It would be unfair to her to lead her on. She deserves to be loved.
It will be very difficult for her to move on since she was the one dumped. She will eventually, but don't expect it anytime soon. I'm guessing she loved you and trusted you would grow old together. After 12 years of living with someone, it's going to be tough.
Give her all the time she needs and don't rush her. When she is done grieving and begins to heal perhaps she will understand why it wouldn't work. Whatever you do, continue to help her financially and stay involved with your kids.

Answer 2

I was in a similar situation. Different but something a like. Anyway, your wife need a reason to leave or hate to get up. An example would be:
A: She found out you are cheating. Then she will be angry at you or hate the woman. And leave happily with a strong reason.
B: She has a close male/female friend to help her in this time. Like moving in with someone. (because living alone or just being alone. All the person every does is think of the pass and ask what/why/how this has happened to me)

I don't know why you leave, but i quess the love is gone for you at least. But your wife love for you have not die yet. So just stand by her now. Pick up the phone and listen to her. At least for the first few month, until she can surivie on her mentally. Remember, she is still the mother of your kid. Good luck.

Answer 3

Been there done that. 13 years for me..... Way to many emotions that go on in your head. Really its about the kids getting through it. Be there for them as much as possible. That was the hardest part for me. Within a few month all those bad feelings go away and things will get better. You seem like a good guy not throwing them out on the street. Try not to bring anyone else into the picture with your kids for a while. they will take a lot longer to get over it. Be friend and don't talk bad about each other around the kids. They will hate you for it when they are older.

Really go out and find some new friend, better your like, start a business . Keep busy that the best remedy. Idle times is not good in this situation. Do things you have never done. Go to Las Vegas.....you have a blast. if you live close.

In time you someone will come along when your not looking. Happened to me!!!

Good luck to you. Hang in there it will get better

Answer 4

What was the reason for the split? Consider that she might have a hard time dealing with both the reason and the actual split, too. It will take some time for someone to get over a 12 year marriage. Give it some time - two months is asking a lot.

Answer 5

if your not clear on why, than it may have nothing to do with her, and everything to do with your own unhappiness. there is mostly never a reason to give up on ones marriage unless someone has been unfaithful. at least u are helping her through this very hard time, and that in itself should cover some of the sin. hope life without her is all u dreamed it would be. but usually it's not, cause its not about her its something within u, that u aren't happy about, or maybe u have met someone new and exciting.

Answer 6

while it's none of my business, I wonder why you're divorcing. 12 years is a very long time. You said that the relationship just isn't working for you any more....why? no chance for reconciliation?
Depending on the reasons, your soon to be ex-wife may not heal quickly at all - where she lives is irrelevant. The implication here is that you wanted the split but she did not? Sigh. Hard for her (and you). Kudos to you, however, for continuing to support her and her children. good luck.

Answer 7

Divorce is like a death everyone grieves including the family on both sides. I think you are being a good man about it and still helping her out, but do not let your help extend to long because then it will become a burden. Please give yourself time before you jump into another relationship you need time to heal everyone does.

Answer 8

Moving house may help her realize that her life is now going to go in a different direction than yours, but if you are able to talk to her about personal things, I'd say you should suggest some counselling for her to adjust to her new life.

Answer 9

wow, i know that has to be tough, but u made the decision for a reason. Just remember anytime you begin feeling skeptical about your decision the reason u made it in the first place. If you begin to feel it wasn’t good enough, talk things out with her and see if you can reconsider.

Answer 10

you seem like you still love her but you need something else in your life right now....a change will help her and supporting her financially will be a nice thing to do............just give her time and space