He has physically abused me, constantly mentally abuses me as I have decided to further my education, tries to keep tabs on me at all times and I have had enough as I cannot breathe.
2007-01-05 10:11:07 · 39 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
NEVER FEEL BAD ABOUT LEAVING! you have to take care of yourself first and foremost. abusive situations are never okay..
2007-01-05 10:12:39 · answer #1 · answered by biz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you feel guilty because you've chosen to move on and he will still be in the same rut as he is now? Or maybe its a "side effect" of the abuse; he maybe makes you feel like you don't deserve to be happy and further yourself?
Bottom line though is you shouldn't feel guilty. From what you said above you're doing the right thing for you and when it all comes down to it, you have to keep You as your number one priority in life at all times, cause nobody else will. Move into the new accommodations and keep up your studies, let this guy move onto the next woman and start abusing her...at least you know you won't be missing out on anything with him. It sounds like you want to take time to better yourself, and you have every right to do that, the reason he puts you down is because he thinks if he does that will keep your confidence low enough to control you and keep you around him. He also does those things because hes a coward and never plans on doing anything productive in his life so he wants to force someone down to his level. Tell him to go fist himself and get the heck outta there, those kind of people are a waste of time and human life and aren't even worth stressing over.
2007-01-05 10:22:32 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been throught the same situation. It is a vicious cycle. I was so mentally and emotionally dead that I felt that I couldn't be without him. I felt uncapable of anything. The abuse wears down your sense of self worth. It took me well over 3 tries to leave him. I left after my first child was 2 weeks old and that lasted for 9 months and I decided that he deserved another chance. Got back together and got pregnant again and 3 months later he was back to his old habits. Only now I had a 1 year old that I did not want to put throught the emotional distress.
The whole point of me telling you this is that it will not be easy to leave. I cried myself to sleep many nights wishing that I could change him. The whole problem is that you love the person that you know he CAN be. Until you realize that this is not the man that he IS, it will be difficult. It is very easy for people to tell you to just leave, but I know because my experience that you will leave when you are ready.
Goodluck, and my thoughts are with you. You do not deserve to be treated that way. You will make it through.
2007-01-05 10:28:12 · answer #3 · answered by ELLA 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi
I hope there r no children involved, Dont think get out of there as fast as u can. No 1 should have 2 put up with abuse. It will take time start again make your life happy with some1 that will love u and treat u right. If u have found new accomodation this is the 1st step u must take it and keep walking 4fowrd. Good luck i hope things work out 4 u !
2007-01-05 10:19:13 · answer #4 · answered by Daniel M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should never have to put up with any sort of abuse, physical or mental. More and more of these situations are going unreported. If you have a chance to get out and live your life somewhere else away from the pain and suffering then that is what you should do. There is no reason on earth why you should feel guilty about leaving. That's how these things go on and on.
Get out and go to your accomodation. Get your life back on track and be happy. Don't put up with it anymore, Be strong for yourself.
2007-01-05 10:16:42 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you moving in with another man? That may instill guilt feelings. Otherwise, abusive men will always look for women who are sensitive, kind and giving. They do everything they can to MAKE you feel guilty. That's how they are able to keep woman in relationships. Just remember you have nothing to feel guilty about. You are doing the right thing by leaving whether it's moving in with another person or not. The important thing is being able to get out of this abusive relationship. Good luck to you in your new ventures.
2007-01-05 10:34:18 · answer #6 · answered by NanaCat 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's because you have (or had) feelings for him. Even though someone is abusive, as sick as it sounds, you can still care for them and love them. You probably are thinking of the good times ya'all had together. When you start to feel guilty about leaving force yourself to remember the bad times, the really bad times. You have NOTHING to feel guilty about. You are doing the right thing. As time goes by it'll get easier for you and you'll be sooooooo glad you left. I was in your shoes once and I was sad when I first moved out but then after a day I realized how nice and peaceful life is without him. I enjoy life soooooo much better now. I found a nice guy and life is good. It'll be that way for you too.
2007-01-05 10:17:20 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been in your shoes. You feel guilty because he has in away brain washed you into thinking that you can not go on with out him and you may not even realize that he has this hold on you. I had to cut all ties to my abusive relationship so I could move on. That was 8 years ago and I still have issues with it. It will take some time for the guilt to go away but it will. You are doing the right thing be leaving the relationship. I hope this helps you.
2007-01-05 10:15:28 · answer #8 · answered by folkner6 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Congratulations firstly on leaving him. I'm sure it has taken you a lot of courage and I wish you the very best of luck. You feel guilty because, over time, I expect he has made you feel stupid worthless, no good etc. It's a form of 'brain washing' which some men use to bring a partner to below their level. Mental abuse is far worse than physical abuse in some ways cos you have no bruises to show anyone. Please don't stay with him because he doesn't love you and he'll destroy you completely in the end. Best wishes and a Happy New Year.
2007-01-05 10:56:34 · answer #9 · answered by Sandee 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most of the time, the abuser makes the victim feel like it's their fault. ("You did ___, and it made me hit you" etc...). You get used to feeling the guilt, so it continues. Sometimes, you feel like you should be able to make the person change...you can't.
If you are in an abusive situation, get out any way you can. If you are threatened in any way or feel that he might come after you, then get a restraining order and seek any other legal protection available to you.
Life is too short to spend it feeling guilty or being afraid of an abuser.
Good luck!
2007-01-05 10:26:15 · answer #10 · answered by Tara 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because an abuser always controls you too,so they make you feel guilty about anything you do for yourself,that will take the control away from them,move into that accomodation and spread your wings and get rid of the dead weight,youll feel free as a bird,good luck
2007-01-05 10:18:35 · answer #11 · answered by NATALIE W 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋