How do you make a 9 year old understand divorce?

Question

A nine year old's parents are getting a divorce after 11 years. His six year old sister and four year odl brother don't understand. His dad has canceled several days over XMas for time with the kids. What can I do to help him?

Answer 1

Here's a new concept. Tell them the truth.

Answer 2

Your not mentioning the relationship you have with this child.

The best thing you can do right now to show your support for a 9 year old boy is to be a good listener. It is the parents exclusive responsibility to describe divorce to their children.

Your good intentions will be misconstrued if you try to explain divorce to a kid if you are not the parent or grandparent and just a family friend or Aunt or Uncle... It could damage any trust you have with one or both the parents.

At your own risk, go ahead and explain divorce to a 9 year old, and then don't be surprised when the parent says they are too busy to stop by with the kids or even have you come over anymore.

Answer 3

I reread your question and then edited my answer because by your screen name I assume you may be the grandparent. The one thing I hear most often is that when parents divorce the children blame themselves. It's a tough situation for everyone involved but the children must not think it's their fault. It may be good for the 9 year old to see a counselor for a few sessions and get things off his chest. School counselors can help a lot (and it doesn't cost anything). All you can do is be open to talk to your grandkids(?) and do everything you can to not 'bash' either of the parents in front of them. Try to be positive about the divorce (easier said than done) but if the situation is stressful then the kids will be stressed too. Good luck to the family.

Answer 4

#1, be honest with him. Tell him up front what that is going on. Be careful, don't throw blame or say anything ugly directed at the dad. Say it in terms that an 9 year old will understand. Explain that dad and mom are not happy together and are going to divorse, but you each love the kids just as much as you have always and that you will be better parents living apart.

Answer 5

He is hurting over his father canceling his time over Christmas with the kids. The main thing is be there and supportive of him and younger siblings. Do not badmouth his father and let him make his own decisions on regarding what his father is at the time. Check with his school because there is probably a support group there or in the community for kids of divorce.

Answer 6

This is very difficult because children tend to blame themselves. I would just be as simple as possible and say mommy and daddy can't get along and are living apart, but the love and attention they always gave you will never change. They need to know they were not the cause of this divorce and that the love will not change that they receive from each parent.

Answer 7

They usually don't understand. Their little brains aren't even fully developed at this age. All they know is that the people they love most in the world won't make-up the way they have been taught to make-up when they have disagreements with others.
The best thing is to just assure them that both parents love them just as much as they always did and always will. Explain that sometimes mommies & daddies just stop loving each other but they never ever stop loving their children.

Answer 8

One of the more important things to do is to explain to the child that the divorce is not his/her fault. Also, answer any questions the child may have and validate their feelings on the topic.
You can explain divorce in a way that just shows the child that things (even families) sometimes split apart from one another. Talk in language the child will understand and be sensitive to the child- discuss growth and how sometimes people have to break apart from another in order to stick together in another way.

Answer 9

Are you his parent? If not, then, it's kind of you too want to help, but it's not your job. The parents of this child should be able to sufficiently explain to their son what a divorce is. Plus, they may not want you to talk to their son about the divorce. Just be a friend to this little boy during this time of confusion in his life, anything else will lead to trouble. Good luck!

Answer 10

my oldest son was 6 when i went thru a divorce.. as much as i was opposed to my ex telling them the truth in retrospect it was the right the thing to do... they will never understand it fully ..my oldest son now is 8 and still asks questions the little one took it lighter because of his age ..he wa 3 then.. at some point when it kind of sank in their heads that we were apart we alowly introduced them to therapy but as time passed by we realized that they have copped better as me and my ex have gotten along and not argue over dumb stuff.. at times the kids will look unhappy and very withdrawn..TALK to them and ask are you sad about mommy and daddy being apart??once you hit it on the nail they will cry with you and thats the oment when they need all the reassurance..tell the parents never dog eachother out .never say daddy or mommy is bad.. ALWAYS say you both love them and promise them that you will always be there for them...its so difficult to have kids and go thru all these changes.. the hardest thing for me was my kids and how they would adjust... just say daddy and mommy are better off apart but they still care for the kids..my kids now are still adjusting..better now.. they are happy about having 2 christmas trees.. more gifts...a bunk bed at daddys.. different toys at daddys.. the MOST important thing..as hard as it is the parents should try to have a sort of healthy relationship .or soon to be ex..dont fight too much..if they do then they will blame themselves even more..email me if anything i have said makes sense to you to see if you need more advice... alwyas tell the kid is not your fault but they also need to hear it from the parents... you are a sweetheart for trying to hel[p..good luck : (

Answer 11

you reassure them by spending lots of time with them.

"quality time" or not, just make sure its lots of time

remind them all you love them, mom and dad just decided they don't want to spend so much time together anymore. Say why even if you can.Don't ever fight in front of the kids. Don't ever say bad things about each other to the kids. Especially make sure the kids know that it isn't their fault.