I cannot breastfeed my daughter. Does this make me a bad mother?

Question

I tried to breastfeed my daughter, she will not latch on even with the help of lactation consultants. I feel like crying, almost like I am a failure as a mother. I am now formula feeding her. Have any of you ever experienced this and should I feel this way?

thank you for all your positive comments-
It made me feel so much better about my situation-
for those of you who criticized me-that was just plain mean and unecessary. I hope you never end up in my situation because it's hard enough as it is-

Answer 1

I know how you feel. My daughter wouldnt latch on either. Trust me I did cry, I was so determined to do it.
What I ended up doing was pumping every two hours. So she got breast milk for the first four months but my milk just wasnt enough anymore. When you pump you dont get as much so it just didnt work out. I felt awful because in my mind that was just what you were supposed to do or you were selfish and lazy. I felt like a failure, felt like my daughter wasnt going to have a special bond with me because I wasnt able to keep it up. Now after her doctor doing his best to assure me she is as healthy as she can be and seeing how she just smiles when I look and her, I know I am not a failure and I know how hard I tried, I know I must have done something right. Dont worry she is going to love you and she is going to be healthy, You are mommy and you want the best for her and that makes you a great mom.

Answer 2

Please don't feel that you're a bad mother!! The fact that you're so concerned about not being able to breastfeed shows that you're a wonderful mom!

You did the best you could do, and you got all the help you possibly could. Sometimes it just doesn't work out - I have a 2 month old and was not able to breastfeed her, because although she latched properly, she curled her tongue while nursing and therefore was not able to take in much milk. She was 10 days old before I realized she wasn't taking much, which really hurt my milk supply because I didn't realize she wasn't taking much in. I've finally just given up pumping and she is now exclusively formula fed.

I know exactly how you feel, because I felt the same way. It's so disappointing when you've planned on breastfeeding and didn't expect to have any problems, but then end up having to formula feed.

You've done the best you can for her. And on the bright side, at least with formula you know that your baby is getting the right balance of nutrients and is not dependent on your diet for her nutrition. Plus, if you really need to catch up on some sleep or otherwise need to be away from your baby, at least someone else can take over a feeding for you since you're not nursing.

You're a great mom - keep up the good work!!

Answer 3

If you still have milk ... Try GOING IN to see a lactation consultant. I couldn't get my first daughter to latch on and I was in pain and in tears right when my milk came in. A lactation consultant was able to talk me through it on the phone. The problem then was that I was engorged and that my daughter was a litttle pre-mature and had little ability to latch on and/or suck. We got through it that day and with a little help from lactation consultants over the next few weeks she went on to breastfeed for the next 22 months. You can also try pumping your milk and feeding her breastmilk from a bottle. And even if she has some feedings from a bottle and some from the breast for a while KEEP TRYING (and stay away from an easy flow nipple for supplementing). Have somebody pick up a copy of The Nursing Mother's Companion for you, it has a lot of good information (even though it was written a long time ago).

If you don't have milk anymore... you tried, it sounds like you tried your best and if the baby is unable to latch on then there isn't much you can do. It can be very difficult to breast feed in the beginning and if the two of you can't get the hang of it the whole thing can be very frustrating. Enjoy your baby, try to keep her close to you during feedings and you'll surely feel a certain closeness that only mothers and babies feel when they're together. If you had trouble this time and you plan to have more babies, maybe you'll be able to breast feed the next one.

Your concern indicates that you're not a bad mother. Failure to be able to breastfeed is very common. It is one aspect of mothering (even though it seems very important right now) it is no indication that there is anything wrong with you as a mother.

Answer 4

You are not a bad mother at all. When I had my daughter, she was 3 mos early. I came down with HELLP syndrome, and I was half dead. I tried to pump for her at long as I could, but just didnt' have the energy or strength, and only pumped 1-3 times a day for 2 months. That supply did not last long at all. Even as a preemie, she is right on target for everything her due date should have been. There was a long period of time that breast feeding was not done here in the US, and plenty of us turned out just fine. I recently read something that they proved that breastfeeding does NOT increase intelligence. Don't get me wrong, it has wonderful benefits, and is ideal. But it certainly does not make you a failure or a bad mom. Just love your daughter with all your heart, be there for her, appreciate everything she does, and you will be the best mom ever !

Answer 5

It does NOT make you a bad mother at all! A lot of women have a hard time breast feeding, you are not the only one. I would urge you to contine to try with the help of the lactation consultants...try everyday, as many times as you can. Keep up with the formula but keep trying, you and your child just may surprise yourselves! Once she gets the hang of it, you'll find it's very worth while. Until then, why not pump your milk, at least that way your child will be getting it, and any way she can get it is good :)

Answer 6

You are not a bad mother because you can't breastfeed. What makes a good mother is not HOW they feed and nurture their child, but that they do it in a caring, loving way that is beneficial to the baby. Your baby will be just fine on formula. She'll grow and know that you love her because you're her mom and you did what was best for her at the time. Good luck, and enjoy the look of satisfaction on your daughter's face after she's got a full tummy. Don't worry about how it got that way.

Answer 7

Oh my gosh I had the same thing happen to me. She just would not suckle or latch. I felt horrible and so stressed. I cried all the time and felt so guilty, like I was denying her something good. I also felt like a bad mother. You will start to feel better. I promise. Just be happy that you at least tried, there is nothing else you could do. And when and if you have a second baby try again. I plan to. And if it does not work then it does not work. Please don't beat yourself up about it. The fact that you are worried about being a failure tells me that you love your daughter alot. Congrats and good luck and NO you are not a bad mother.

Answer 8

There's nothing wrong with not being able to breastfeed. Some babies just don't take to it. If you have tried a lactation consultant and your daughter still doesn't want to breast feed, than you tried your best. Your not a bad mother, some babies prefer the using a bottle because it's easier for them to get food and they get more formula quicker

Answer 9

Don't listen to the health fascists who will try to say that. You tried, and tried everything. Sometimes it just doesn't happen. You care about your baby, that's what really matters.

My wife tried to breastfeed, and it was a disaster, our son was 3 days away from being in hospital over Christmas so they could get his weight up, she was crying all the time, her nipples were bleeding. She went on formula. Actually, after a week or so, she found she could mix feed him, because now he wasn't starving, but formula stayed his main source of nourishment.

He's now 14, 5'10", top 5% at school, and a very good athlete.

Answer 10

Have you tried a breast sheild?They do work for alot of people,not for myself but it could work for you.Anyone who tells you that you should feel like a bad mother should never have children themselves!!I did feel that way when I could not breast feed my son because he was too week,he had heart surgery at day 2.I do very much believe in mothers milk is best which is why I have been pumping my milk now for 5 months and feeding it to him via bottle.Mostly the first 6 months.It is a huge pain in the butt but it will make you feel soo good that you are doing this for your baby.You are by no means a bad mom!!You are here looking for answers arent you??Give the pumping a try and keep it up every 3 to 4 hours.Good luck and do not worry you are not the only one.