There have been so many questions regarding being gay I thought I would ask one myself.....?

Question

I'm gay and have known it since I was 19 but lived a straight life for over 20 years, I was misrable. I went thru a seperation and subsequently a divorce. Following all these things I cam out of the proverbial closet and now everyone knows that I'm gay. I'm happier and I have full custody of my children. If you are gay how do you truly know? If you are straight how do you truly know? How do any of us know which we prefer until we have tried both?

Answer 1

Um. Yeah, tried the straight thing for a while (certainly not to the extent you did) but it just didn't really do anything for me.

I knew I was gay pretty much after a male friend gave me a massage with a happy ending, though the content of my sexual fantasies all the years before then really should have tipped me off much sooner. But such is the power of denial!

When someone comes out as gay, I tend to take their word for it without asking them if they really gave heterosexuality a fair shake. I figure they've already agonized over it, just as I did, before taking the step they knew had to be taken.

I'm glad you're happy and that things worked out for you.

Answer 2

You answered your own question already. You just know and eventually realize that you have to live the life that you were born to live not what society/family, etc. tells you. You know what sex attracts you and you accept it. G-d made you that way, it is not a choice and nor is it anything to be ashamed of. Most gay people that are in my life say they knew from a very young age that they were different in some way. Lot's of Love and Luck to you!!!! Great you have your kids too obviously you're a good person.

Answer 3

First of all, it's great that you're happier living as the person that you really are. As for an answer, as a man who feels that he is straight, I can say that when I see men, even men whom I know are good looking, I just don't get the same kind of sexual urges that I can get from women. I'll admit I haven't been intimate with any men and with few women, but I have just never felt like I wanted to be intimate with a man.

Answer 4

I think we all just know deep inside. Many of us suppress it for years, sometimes our entire lives. I fought it for years because getting married and having children was "the thing to do" It was unacceptable to be gay. I dated as a teen and found someone that I could live with. We married, had children, and I lived the "happy straight life" for many years. I put my own happiness aside and I tried to make the marriage work for the sake of the husband and children. I am now divorced and in a relationship with a woman that I truly love. I came to face my feelings. Husband saw fit to do things that I could not tolerate. That is what led to the divorce and to me finding true love. I am happy and so are my two teenaged children, who live with my partner and me.

In short, society and narrow-minded views sometimes make us question ourselves and deny who we truly are. Once we come to accept ourselves, we know.

Answer 5

I knew since I was 5 that I was different from the other boys in that I found other boys "pretty" and girls not so much. However, I quickly learned to hide this from others from negative comments.

So, I guess my question would be, "how could you NOT KNOW?" lol. I'm now 45 and still a virgin with the opposite sex and plan on keeping it that way forever. If there's no attraction, why push it? It would only disappoint HER and ME. And I try NEVER to disappoint.

Answer 6

Um, I actually knew I was gay/lesbian well before ever having had sexual incounters with anyone, but via peer pressure and the dreaded social norms...I forced myself to behave as if I was hetero for all of my teen years and some of my early adult life.

It wasn't so much as really knowing as it was self acceptance.
I had a really hard time accepting I was gay/lesbian until later as an adult.
I think it has a lot to do with emotional maturity as well as how a person is raised as far as acceptance....not whether or not a person is or isn't gay/lesbian.

I would have much prefered to not have to had to choose to pretend to be hetero before being able to accept that I was actually gay/lesbian. (I don't identify as solely lesbian, but prefer the generic term of "gay" as I am actually bi to some extent)
It would have saved me a lot of grief, but at the same time, I don't regret having lived my life they way I have simply because I look at what I've learned, what I've gained in experiences and my son, to know it all worked out they way it was supposed to, regardless.

Answer 7

Well I didn't need to try it I thought about it, being with a guy and how we guys are and it took me less than 2 seconds to realize thats not a path I choose to take.

Just because others get to thier conclusion in a different way doesn't mean they aren't right. I didn't need to date a man to realize that I'm attracted to women. The thought never went that far for me to realize what choice I wanted to make.

I can only speak for myself.

Answer 8

well I guess we really cant "know" for sure, but I'm pretty sure I'm bi, it all depends on your emotional/physical attractions. If you are physically and can be emotionally attracted to a certain sex, than you like them. You usually can figure that out without dating someone, especially the physical part. I am glad you finally came out and your life turned out better though. Be true to everyone from now on, especially yourself, and good luck to your future relationships!

Answer 9

i know it's weird. i'm not gay but when i see big boobs i go bizerk. why ? b/c i have them and i know how powerful they are. forget the term gay exists. if u like a big hard stick go get it if u want big melons go find them; it all comes down to one big orgasm how do u want it? the menu never ends! u don't truly ever know. i love a stick but if i ever see a hot latina with bazonkas popping out of her shirt i won't be shy. u only live once. so try all of it twice.

Answer 10

I've never been attracted to another woman. I guess that's how I know I'm straight. I think people are born either heterosexual or homosexual. I don't believe it's a choice.