I am loosing the man I love, because he says I have an anger issue. When I get my feelings hurt, or I fear something negative in the relationship and even frustration can set me off. I don't hit or push or throw things, it is all verbal. I try not to cuss and swear, but I can get very crass and blatant verbally. How can I over-come this. I have tried, but he has become so sensative to my reaction to things, that he feels that even if I raise my voice (probably more an attitude) that I'm becoming angry. HELP!!!!
2007-01-05 09:04:42 · 10 answers · asked by slippery slope 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
You need to try and manage your anger every time you feel an outburst coming. Try to set up a kind of "red flag" system in your brain that immediately recognizes that you're about to explode. Then, keep your mouth shut for a few seconds and do your best to analyze your emotion -- mainly, ask yourself "Is the reaction I'm having/about to have to this situation appropriate, or am I over-reacting?" Once that becomes a habit (the red flags) you'll find yourself not only more in control of your outward reaction, but less apt to explode over minor situations.
2007-01-05 09:10:10 · answer #1 · answered by Ryan 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your using anger as a defensive tool - and it's not working. Recognize this and find another tool. It's okay to not be perfect and to not be thought of a perfect.
I find perfect people to be boring.
Perhaps you should try turning the offensive comment into a question. For instance, if told you sweat too much say, "Why do you think I'm so sweaty?" Then listen to the next response and turn that into another question.
Eventually you should get down to the nub of what the person is saying and there will probably be a difference between what you heard and what they think they said.
I've changed several habits by deciding I was doing myself and others a misservice - like dragging my anger home from the commute. I know you can do it.
I'm proud of you that you recognize you have short comings - so many people don't 'fess up to them.
2007-01-05 17:21:49 · answer #2 · answered by txkathidy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should seek professional councelling. You are running a danger of learning to suppress your anger while still being hurt inside. That can lead to a desease like high blood pressure. A councellor will teach you how to respond to your feelings without yelling and without bottling it up inside of you. Both are equally bad.
As for your BF, talk to him calmly, not when you are about to burst and not when you just had another angry moment, but when you both are in a good mood. Tell him that you realize there is a problem and you are working on it. Ask him if he thinks you improved at least a little bit. It would be nice if it registers with him that you improved. However, if he says "no, I don't see any change" don't insist that there is. He's a little hurt from the past, so don't insist on the answer. Just say, "OK, your feedback is important, just be assured I'm determined to change that about myself". Next time he might actually pay attention and notice that you, in fact, are changing.
2007-01-05 17:15:09 · answer #3 · answered by Snowflake 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. Try to work things out between yourself. Tell him that you love him and sometimes you get so aggravated over what he does.
2. Control yourself and let take in deep breaths. Think about what is making you angry toward the man you love. Is it work or homelife?
3. Sit down and think about it: Why am I doing this? Why am I so angry? What is the reason for my anger?
4. Is it Emotional???? What causes you to get angry? Is it depression, stress, aggravation, strong medication?????
5. Is he doing anything to hurt your feelings or is he doing anything behind your back? If he is then sit down and talk to him about it and work things out.
6. If you get angry don't blow up, keep you emotion at a steady rate
7. Control and Calm down.
Once this happens, you'll get used to it and you won't be angry so often.
2007-01-05 17:12:09 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, at least you realize that you do get verbal. I still have trouble accepting that I get angry at every little thing and I do push and break things. For you tho, seems pretty easy. Shut your mouth! LoL I mean this in a really nice way. Try putting your hand over your mouth when you blow. Just let everyone walk all over you and you won't get mad at anything, even tho you and I both know that we are both right when we blow. Take care.
2007-01-05 17:14:26 · answer #5 · answered by rowbear2000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talking to a counselor or a psychiatrist should help, as would getting anger management sessions. I'm not a shrink but I feel your pain. I have anger problems to.
2007-01-05 17:12:52 · answer #6 · answered by funkmasterflex43 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could try recording your voice when your talking to him or talk to the mirror. Ummm....maybe your boyfriends can give you tips to not get angry badly or to calm down better. Counseling or talking to family could help. I hope you relationship works out and everything! ^.^
2007-01-05 17:42:02 · answer #7 · answered by Eevee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
go for a walk around the block or take an anger management class
2007-01-05 17:12:44 · answer #8 · answered by ken s 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i also have da same problem, and i wat i do is try to realize when i'm getting mad. when i see that i'm getting really angry, i first try to calm down.. i also try counting to ten, or not paying attention to what is getting me angry. if da person keeps on mentioning da topic that is getting me angry, then i politely say "i have to go right now". and leave. when you're not as angry you should talk to da person about wat they were doing that was making u angry.well, i hope i helped out. good luck!
2007-01-05 17:16:32 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all why do you get angry...maybe your not right for each other ...maybe some therapy might help..it help me a little...good luck..
2007-01-05 17:10:45 · answer #10 · answered by Kingofreportedabuse 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋