me and my best friend have been bestfriend for 12 years. I got married 2 years ago and me and my husband have been together 5 years. When i met him she distanced herself from me for a while and now that we are married she says we stalk each other and that we are crazy and he runs my life. I try and explain to her that once you are married, you have to respect and take into consideration what your spouse says. Also we do call each other alot because we don't see each other ( we both work two jobs) so when we get a free second he or I will call and talk for about 5 mins. Nothing major. She is younger than me, but i do not think she understands what marriage entails. It's not all about me anymore. Could this be jealousy? Why is she acting this way? How can i explain to her that I have different priorities and obligations than she does? How can I get her to respect my marriage?
2007-01-05 08:54:49 · 4 answers · asked by Vanessa H 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
I think you need to find time to have a one on one chat with your friend to express your feelings. I think she misses not being able to spend time with you. She might be a bit jealous, but she may not even realize this. Basically, she's upset and doesn't know how to deal with it. This isn't fair to you, but she is your friend and only human after all. Invite her to lunch or dinner or whatever you can find time for and tell her how much you value your friendship with her. Talk about positive things, then bring up the marriage subject in a direct, but sensitive way. Tell her that a marriage is a lot of work and that you expect your husband to let you know what his plans are as much as he expects it from you because it keeps you connected. Tell her how much he means to you and the support you give and take. Think of stories or examples of things between the two of you that show how positive your relationship is and that he truly makes you happy. Reiterate how much she means to you, that you don't want your marriage to end your friendship, and that you're also devoted to your husband. Let her know that her comments are hurtful to you, and you know she misses spending time with you and you miss spending time with her as well.
Has your friend spent much time with your husband? I don't know what that situation is like, but, if it's feasible, you could try doing something with the three of you now and again.
I hope this gives you some ideas at least. This is not an easy thing to deal with. Good luck!
2007-01-05 09:25:52 · answer #1 · answered by Kristi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well the most important thing is for both of you to sit down together and talk about what you both feel.the major key to your friendship is honesty and trust.you say you've been best friends for 12 years so you both understand how each other reacts to something.dont be afraid to tell her how you feel.but dont push your own feelings and leave hers out.put her feelings into consideration as well as you do with your spouse.and if its still bugging your friend then just set a day aside for you and your friend to spend together without any interruptions.
2007-01-05 09:14:16 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she is making a big deal about this, I believe that she probably wants you to herself. She could want you and be jealous at the same time.
2007-01-05 09:16:26 · answer #3 · answered by lhpretty 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
did you say these things to her? honesty is the important key when you are talking with your friend. be onest and tell what you think. she will understand you better
2007-01-05 09:13:02 · answer #4 · answered by sunshine 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋