I think I turned gay after one of my uncle's sexually abused me when I was 9 or 10. However, at 21 I had a girfriend for 4 years but we broke up. Then i went and fell in love with a man, who just wanted to have sex with me and be friends. I hurt a lot when he got married and lost touch. I started seeing a girl but couldnt have sex with her and broke off, but i had sex with one of her friends one night. Again got into a couple of relationships with women for marriage (2 years and 1 Year each) and they just didnt work. Then I met another straight guy, who spent 3 years living with me and loving me, but recently dumped me for another girl coz we have no future. Now, I wanna get married to a girl and have a normal life. My fear is whether I will be able to have sex with her..coz i couldnt hold my erection for a girl but had sex with another. I still love this guy but am trying to move on. Would I have to be on viagra 2 have sex or will i be just normal after marriage? Wanna b loyal 2 her.
2007-01-05 08:13:59 · 7 answers · asked by Fast C 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
I have a great family and do believe in the concept of marriage and family too. I am just worried about whether I will be able to have sex with a woman after marriage, considering i have been scarred emotionally by the men i dated. At the same time, been in relationships with women..I dont normally go looking for gay men to date or hang out with them. Most of my friends are straight and they like me coz I am a very trusting, loyal and giving person. With men, I am normally passive (a bottom)...and i have had experiences of kissing, fondling with other men and women...but nothing sexual. I am really worried to death that since i cant be with a man all my life coz we dont have a future, i want to have a family, but wll i be able to sexually satisfy my wife..or do i have to depend on drugs like viagra to keep it going...
2007-01-05 08:19:18 · update #1
You don't "turn" gay. You're either attracted emotionally and physically or mentally to men or you're not. Seek a counselor and get some help for your underlying issues. What you went through is horrifying on any level, nobody deserves to suffer.
2007-01-05 08:17:08 · answer #1 · answered by vinslave 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
You need therapy.
1. Being gay does not mean you cannot have a family.
2. Being gay IS a "normal life".
3. Having children does not mean you have a future, not having children does not mean your future is empty.
4. If you cannot maintain an erection with women but do when you are with a man, you are probably gay and simply in denial.
You might start here...
http://www.gaylpc.com/
2007-01-05 16:27:00 · answer #2 · answered by IndyT- For Da Ben Dan 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all dear friend I have to say that I am sorry that you were abused as a child and that nothing like that should ever happen to a child. Now for the answer:
I. Homosexuality and You
The first thing you need to realise is that no one "turns" gay. Homosexual tendency is something that is innate and occurs as one of the infinite permutations of God's creation. Nothing "turns" you gay - not looking at gay people, not sexual abuse, not anything. So you need to evaluate some things before you move on.
First: are you predominantly attracted to men or women? You evaluate this by walking down the street. Do you find yourself checking out the guys or the girls more? If you find yourself predominantly checking out the hot guys, then you are probably gay. If you're at 50/50 or thereabouts you're probably bi, and if predominantly you are checking out women ... d'uh you're probably straight. The next step in this exercise is who do you see yourself in a relationship with? Men, women, either or? Who do you envision spending your life with? Thess are essential evaluations in your progress because you need to know what orientation you are and what direction you're headed.
You also need to keep in mind that sexual behavior is not the same thing as sexual orientation. Even though you can have sex with men doesn't meen you're gay and conversely if you can have sex with women that doesn't necessarily mean you're straight either.
II. Marriage as a solution to homosexual tendency
Marriage is NEVER a solution to homosexual tendencies. It is harmful not only to you, but your wife as well as any children you may have. It is not only irresponsible, it is also indecent to subject a wife to false love, and to tell children lies about who you really are. If you evaluate that you are predominantly attracted to men then straight marriage is something you should definitely stay away from. Instead you might look into a life of celibacy or a partnership with another male. This type of lifestyle, while in the minority, is absolutely normal and I have seen numerous successful lifetime relationships (I know a gay couple that has been together for over 30 years now - that's longer than many straight marriages). Marriage only results in undue pain and suffering for all parties involved if entered into for the wrong reasons or under false pretenses.
III. Family Life
Although as a gay person you cannot naturally have children, there are possibilities including surrogacy as well as adoption. There are many gay couples who have children of their own and they are doing just fine. If you find the right person for you, he will be open to having children. It is important though that you consider why you want to have children. Is it so you can fit into the social norm and blend in to your surroundings? Is it to satisfy some religious need to procreate? or Is it because you genuinely desire to raise and care for a child or children? Be serious and you'll discern what you truly want out of this.
IV. Keeping the Faith
I am assuming that you are somewhat religious and possibly Christian. As such, I want to tell you that it is entirely possible to live a full, righteous Orthodox Christian lifestyle as a homosexual person. We can engage in solid, lifetime relationships just like straight people can, and definitely within the bounds of Christ's teaching as well as that of the Church. God loves all of God's own children and realises the pain that they have to go through. Recall that we are fully redeemed through the Cross of Christ and we need not fear death or damnation. God loves all of God's children and God loves you very much.
My prayers are with you
+Peace be with you
The Orthodox Anglican
2007-01-05 16:27:51 · answer #3 · answered by OrthoAng 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow....your uncle should be shot for what he did to you... i am very sorry.Have you thought about maybe seeing a therapist or someone who can help you sort out your feelings?? I do not know if you are "gay" but it deffinately sounds to me like you enjoy the company of men better than a woman.Have you ever thought about finding a sweet man and possibly adopt a child?? There are really sweet gay men out there who would also like to have a family just like you.Whatever you do i wish you the best of luck!!! Take care!
2007-01-05 16:29:03 · answer #4 · answered by sugar_n_spice 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well,nobody can answer this for you. Might I suggest thearapy to help you deal with the abuse,then worry about which sex (if you want to choose one,) to pursue. I personally am bi,been married to men 3 times,and dated exclusively women for years,too. In my own experience,I found neither better or worse,but,I don't have to "perform" either. Be true to yourself,the rest will come later,good luck,not easy being bi.
2007-01-05 16:23:38 · answer #5 · answered by dragonfly 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
try it and see how it works out and if it doen't go to guys for good
2007-01-05 16:19:29 · answer #6 · answered by destinee h 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
don't get married until you are over this guy. It would not be fair to her or you
2007-01-05 16:16:28 · answer #7 · answered by glamour04111 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋