help with my 16 year old daughter?

Question

I am the mother who say you need to wait til you get married and then have sex, however i am scared she might make a mistake and her future can be ruined. I dont want to give her birth control because i dont want her to think its okay to have sex. what should i do i am confused?

Answer 1

Well, honestly, talk to her. Have a good bond with her. All my mom told me about sex was not to do it until I was married. I learned everything else from school and a parenting/family relationsions class I chose myself to take in high school. I really really think you should tell her more- do some searching on the internet as well to help gather some more info on this. About Aids, Std's, getting pregnant while on birth control pills or condoms... etc etc. There's so much more to this than not having sex until marriage! Have her babysit a new baby sometime, and let her get the feel of taking care of a child. It's a LOT of work, and my mom never told me how much work it was raising children. My mom didn't really talk to me about anything, just what was right and what was wrong in her eyes. So, please try to talk over everything with her.

Note- I was 23 when I became pregnant (taking birth control pills- had been on them for 5 yrs prior-think another medication interferred at the time). I feel 25 yrs older after having my son- he was so colicky - even look this up for her..... because I had NO idea what it even was until I had him... he would cry and cry and cry - I'd do everything I possibly could-even what doctors suggested... and he'd still be crying. So it was really tough, but I feel it made me a stronger person. So, be her guide, and help her know what she's getting into. A guy she's with could lie, and say he's never been with another girl before... and she will believe him, and what happens if he got a disease he didn't know about at the time? Go over things like that as well! You just never know. And you sound like a great Mom and want to keep her safe. I'm gonna do all I can to get myself back into school now that my son is 15 months of age. I want to finish and get a good career. But it's very hard getting ANYTHING done at this age because he requires lot's and lot's of attention.

So please go over it all with her, and teach her how to be safe. Yes the best is abstinence, but not all take that route. I was put on the pill for having an irregular period and cysts bursting... so it helped all of that... but I didn't abuse it and go have sex all the time. (I think it can depend on the person... because some girls feel that is their protection...others know more about the pill and realize you can get pregnant from being on the pill. But good parenting and teaching her everything will help!)

Answer 2

well i'd say give her birthcontrol. Because whether you say she's ready or not and that she should wait, shes going to decide when she thinks she's ready to make that choice. its better safe than sorry.. If she's not having sex and is waiting then thats good. But say she realizes that she likes some boy and she wants to take it to the next step, birth control is a good thing to have. I wish my parents would have put me on it. I am now 16 and pregnant, last year i decided i thought i was ready and i never got on birthcontrol because i was afraid my mother would disapprove the birthcontrol and try to keep me from birthcontrol. but talk to her about also using condoms if she gets on birthcontrol and be understanding, dont freak out when she goes with a guy or anything and be understanding about it.. you'll learn your daughter will talk to you more, and thats where my mom made the big mistake and now im about to have a baby in about 5 weeks.

so be on the safe side, because your daughter will decide. and you want her to be safe if she doesnt tell you whats going on, nd when it happens. You'll be happier knowing she's safe then out having higher chances of getting pregnant. cause she's a teenager and a lot of teenagers think they are ready but dont realize the consequences. but birthcontrol & condoms both used together is the better way if she is even having sex. because it will protect her against STDs and some birthcontrol dont always keep you from getting pregnant, i have known people even adults who are married who were on birthcontrol and got pregnant. . so be understanding and consider it.

Answer 3

Both of you need to attend a Professional Family Counciling session to figure out how to cope with this problem. Your ideas and her ideas are completely different and there has to be communication.

Communication will be ehanced if you both see a family councilor to work on your relationship about the subject of sex and family.

Your church and school is not going to do it for you.

Keeping her in the dark by warning her and keeping her from birth control isn't working. There are family planning services that will offer birth control pills and sex education for teens.

So, if you don't want to become a grandmother, since it only takes one lousy sexual encounter to do it... Seek professional counciling.

I don't personally appreciate the pill as breast cancer and estrogenic hormones are connected. However, it's a catch 22. Cancer later or children now.

At 16, she wants to move away from your influence in order to become her own person. It's what becoming an adult is all about. If you control her, she will push you away as a logical progression.

For example, one way of pushing you away is rebellion. This can come in the form of getting pregnant accidentally. Once that happens, she just through her entire independance out the window.

You know that, I know that, but still doesn't "get it." So, in order for her to get it... seek outside influences that are not coming from you from trained professional councilors. If you continue to try and do it on your own then in her point of view, your her mom so what do you know!

Good luck.

Answer 4

I agree if you think your daughter is already having sex you might as well just give her birth control it is better then haveing a daughter who is pregnant at 16 are you ready for that yet both are hard but she is going to do it whether you give her the pills or not. Good luck and god bless

Answer 5

What you should do is tell her this "I know you are going to do what you want to do but let me just tell you how I feel" tell her how you feel, let her talk too... Make sure you tell her your there for her regardless of what happens, and you want her to come to you. If she is talking about wanting to have sex, then I would get her some kind of birth control, it's not telling her it's okay, but would you rather have your pride stand in the way and say "I am not putting you on birth control because I am not condoning it" or be a Grandma because you let your pride stand in the way? Just talk to her, let her talk too, and do what's best for her, b/c no matter what you do she will do what she wants to do, and usually when a parent tries to get their child to not do something as serious as that, they want to even more. Good luck!

Answer 6

I am now 20, I have found the girl of my dreams, she is everything I ever wanted and acording to her words I am her ideal man and more. We wanna marry in a few years.
And yes we had sex before marrige, we are not married yet.
But i tell you this...she is the first girl i had sex with, and I am the first men she had sex with. Even though i love her alot and
she is so ideal. I would have never gone this far with her were
she not a virgin. It may sound old fashioned but I think it's a weakness from a girls side if she cannot safe herself for the
right man. And I think it is a very unpleasant feeling to know someone else had your woman.

Just ask your daughter this:
" How would you feel if you met the man of your dreams, your soulmate, the ideal man in every aspect and you fell in love.
Then you find out he had sex with 4 other girls before you.
And those girls coment him on his sexuality and such in your precense, or look at him in a sertain flirtatious way and you know they had sex with him...with your man...how does that feel?"
Then ask her:
" What if you met that same guy but he didn't have anyone else but you. Would you realy like to hurt him like that?"

Because to decent, loving, careing guys...it realy matters.
Does she want to throw away the future with a perfect man
for a few hours of fun with a man who only wants her for the sex?

Even if she doesn't get pregnant....virginity is something you have once and will never get back.

Answer 7

Listen, at 16, she's facing some major peer pressure from ALL angles. As long as you've re-inforced your views on the subject and make it perfectly crystal clear that if she's considering having sex, where you may not agree, as long as she is responsibile (i.e. comes to you for birth control) and doesn't do anything stupid (like have unprotected sex) she won't face reprocussions. In other words, as long as she's responsible about sex, you can't really punish her for it - you can let her know you're not happy about it, but it'd be unfair to punish her - and that could backfire BIG time! I say this only because if you stick your head in the sand and don't think she's going to ever consider having sex, you face the possibilty of being a grandma in the next couple of years - or worse.

Good luck!! IMO - if you're not a hypocrite or completely vague about your values, she'll make the right decision.

Answer 8

you should talk to your daughter some more and maybe her father and try and decide what the best solution is. you should tell your daughter what can happen and what she will miss out on if she gets pregnant. also your daughter will need to know that if she had sex would you still let her live with you. also about birth control, are you christian?, if so i don't think they believe in birth control. well have a talk with your daughter.... i hope all goes well. i am so glad that other mothers are protective of their daughters . it makes me happy.

Answer 9

Well, if you have reason to believe that your daughter is going to have sex anyway, then you might as well make birth control accessible to her, all the while stressing your belief in abstinence. The most you can do is hope she makes a decision that she can live with.

Answer 10

First of all, sorry to say, but it's up to YOUR DAUGHTER whether she is ready for sex or not. You don't have to wait until marriage. It's the 21st century now. It is also up to your daughter whether she goes on birth control or not. It sounds like to me that you are more afraid of how much your daughter knows about pregnancy, sex, birth contorl, etc. Talk to your daughter about it, and see how much she knows.