Men only: I blew it! Help! Mature answers please?

Question

My bf and I got together over the holidays. We've beed dating for a year and a half and talked about a possible future together, he has asked me about how would I want my wedding to be, he told be about his idea of wedding, etc. So we know where we are heading someday. I've met his parents and we have talked about living together.I didn't expect a ring during Chsritmas, but expected him to discuss about our future. We live 5 hours apart and don't get to see each other often due to his job (military). I became frustrated about him not talking about it and I exploted, telling him that I was not happy and that I was tired of driving and him not telling me anything about our situation. He told me that he loves me and that I'm appretiated and that he needs consistance in a relationship and that I'm always up and down emotionally. I told him that it was not fair to judge me for missing him &being frustated by this long distance arrangement. I'm lost, hurt, afraid. I love him.
Help. anyone

I blew it bacuse he told me that he was looking forward to this encounter to deicde whether or not we should move in together and get married andt that he was dissapointed with my behavior. He told me that this was a reflection of what our life together would be. I told him that it was not fair. We were seeing each other after a 2 months (job related) and I guess I didn't met his expectations. Before departing, he made arrangements to come see me in a cuple of weeks and we're going to see his family in about 4 weeks... I don;t know what to think. I'm confuse! men, please shed some light!

Ps/ Thank you Dr. heinz

THANK you so much guys!!!! I'm really grateful for your thoughtful and helpful answers. You're all right! Even the ones that say that I'm a drama queen (quite true)

He's possibly going to Irak but he doesn't know yet. 50% chance.

Vanroose, you nailed it right in the ahead.

Thank you all for all the answers!

We're both mature adults 27 and 32.

Answer 1

I'm sure he was frustrated at your explosion over the holidays also. You said that the 2 of you have talked about a future together....is it necessary to talk about it every time you get together? It sounds to me like you are a bit insecure and got angry for no real reason. If you want the relationship to last and to have a future together, then accept it when he tells you that he loves you and sees a future with you.Don't expect that to be the topic of conversation every time you see him. You need to learn to relax and enjoy your time together since you don't get to see each other all the time. When you are together make it a good time not a fight.

Answer 2

I understand your need for information, but you don't say if your bf is going to Iraq or is getting out soon. Both of these things could be holding him back so to speak. The Holidays are never a good time to discuss things like this, there is way too much stress over everything else. Wait until Valentine's Day. Arrange a nice dinner out or at home. After dinner slowly bring up the subject. ! 1/2 years of dating isn't really a long time especially if he's been away due to his job. So take it slow, don't pressure him but make it clear you love him and want a future together. If he still won't discuss it, you've got to make a decision. Do you want to keep waiting, or cut your losses and move on. Either way I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 3

First of all, no man wants a drama queen and go for the emotional roller coaster everytime you turn around. I'm sure that doesn't help when you get all emotional etc;.

He is off up there in the military and is dealing with the distance as well. Just give him a little time. Right now his actions are demanded by the military and he probably feels like he is totally fenced in; at both ends. Give him a little space. I'm sure he wants to marry you, but is a little hesitant with all that going on. Just be patient and work with him on the distance. Chill out, it will all work out. Just don't be putting alot more pressure on him with the drama.

Answer 4

Distance can have a lot to do in a lot of situations. Like yours, I can see it is frustrating to drive five hours from where you live. As I read your story, it seems like he's also offering you hope. Not everything is colorful at the beginning, you know. This is a chance for the both of you to realize how much you love each other, how much you want to be with each other, and commit to something very important in your lives.

On top of everything else, he is willing to share his life with you, no matter what. I know he didn't tell you something about him, and that made you explode. That however shouldn't make you explode, at least not for that. Your reaction should have been severe, understanding...I am sure he had a logical explanation for it.

You miss him, and he misses you back. Wanna know a little secret? The more you miss a person, the more you love that person. The more you want that person to be with you, and be part of you. And yes, is not fair for him to judge you for missing him. However, you should also learn to control your emotions, as we don't always get what we want. "Things happen for a reason" I'm sure you've heard this one before. You don't know what good this long distance relationship is going to bring you. He has already giving you a ring, that is a "ring of hope".

I don't know how much longer he will be in military service, nor do I know if they every give him the weekends off. I know is frustrating for you to drive five hours...so then may I may a suggestion? I don't know where you live, but I am sure there's a train station nearby. Or take Greyhound, make it a fun trip instead of a frustrating trip. Carry your portable dvd player, a couple of books, magazines, and enjoy the trip. You don't always have to drive. If he has sometime off, have him visit you. Equal trade.

Like I said, not everything is colorful in the beginning, but it does get better. You'll see. You haven't ruined anything and don't blame everything on yourself, specially small things. Learn to control your emotions. Before you explode, like I do sometimes, analize the situation..then when you is good to explode, do it, if it is not...don't..because it gets worse.

I hope this was of good help to you. I am single, but I like to give good advice to other single and couples from time to time. Good luck, and may God bless your relationship.

Answer 5

I think you should tell him straight up that you love him & that all you wanted to know was where your relationships stands. Let him know that you blew up because of that, tell him your sorry. If ya'll talking about marriage, then go ahead & get married now. Him being in the military, wherever he stationed at, you can go & live with him & the Military will support that by giving him extra money per month for housing. You guys will finally be together. Or if you want to put marriage aside for now, wait till later then why don't you move closer to him? I'm sure he would do the same thing if he could, but the Military makes all his decisions for him. Go move closer to him, get a job there near by where he's stationed at. If ya'll have potential for the future, then why would it hurt to start committing now? especially if you know your going to commit later on. Don't waste anymore time being mad. Just let him know how you feel.

Answer 6

Why does marriage have to be a part of it? If you are happy being with him and involved with him than why make marriage a part of your relationship? This only puts a man off. You will get the ring when he is ready to give it to you. And you can rest assured that it will be from the heart and not from frustrations of pressure from you. Your pushing the relationship to end before it starts. Think of the old days where marriage was arranged, women never had the right to choice a mate. Take your time, enjoy freedom while you got it. Now days women do not have to have a husband if they want children and social standards are such that no one looks at it as taboo... Relax, it will come

Answer 7

It sounds like you have some growing up to do before you worry about moving in with this person or getting married. So many young people are in such a rush to "grow up" by getting hitched. Rarely do young adults take the time necessary to find themselves first. We latch on to someone and lose our identity before we even find it.

I would suggest slowing down and lowering your expectations of what you want from this relationship. Read some good books and find yourself!! Once you have done that, you will have the answer as to what you should do about your boyfriend.

Answer 8

It would probably be a good idea for you to get busy with friends and other activities. Put the relationship on the back burner and give it some time. You may need to find someone who is closer to you. Not everyone is happy with a long distance relationship.

Answer 9

I don't think you blew it its perfectly normally to be insecure in a situation were you have to travel 5 hours to see your bf and plus you don't really see him allot.But Wat you need to think about is that you committed your self to this relationship as mutch as he did and you already knew that he was far and away most of tha time wen you started tha relationship. You gays have been together for a year you already talked about marriage,its beautiful but is a step that as to be well planed and takes allot of maturity and commitment and both of you have to be in the same page and for that maybe its better for you to wait hes not going no were and he loves you try to put your insecurity's aside and take time to enjoy what you have now Good luck

Answer 10

All I can tell you is this, its hard out there! Especially when you care so much, but sometimes things are the way they are for a reason. If by chance he is not the right one, another will come when the time is right, its hard to let go, but if its hurting you that much, you may want to consider doing so. Unless you are willing to continue feeling the way you feel.

Hope this helps some