My husband cheated and had unprotected sex with someone that he had hooked up with before we got married. I found out on New Years Day. He said he used the pull out method when they had sex 4 years ago and he used it again this time. The lady has a 12 year old and some how they got on the subject of her daughter after the fact. He said she says she doesn't want anymore kids. But how when she's having unprotected sex with a married man? It kind of makes you wonder if she has a 12 year old and has hadn't had anymore than maybe she's on birth control or something but anyway ... He is pretty confident that she is not pregnant because of the method he used. Also, I am worried about STD's etc. If she does turn out to be pregnant, would you say or would you go. Serious advice only, please. Thanks.
2007-01-05 06:58:37 · 33 answers · asked by Hoping he will bless me with #1 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Pregnant or not he should be history.
2007-01-05 07:02:12 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't matter what method he uses, there is ALWAYS the risk of getting someone pregnant. To tell you that because he used the pull out method that it's not gonna get her pregnant is typical male thinking. I'm not saying men are stupid, but there are a lot of things they don't know about women and one of them is the methods of sex. There is no safe way to have sex without protection.
To answer your question I'd have to know how long your husband and you have been married. If it were me and my husband and I had only been married a short time, no, I wouldn't forgive him. No man who is in love with me would cheat on me with another woman. It's just not done. I want a guy who is devoted to me, and not just when no one else is available. If we had been married for over 10 years or over 20 years, and this is the first time anything like this has ever happened, I would say yes I forgive him, because, the evidence of the great long marriage we had would outway him cheating on me once.
I hope this helped a little. :)
2007-01-05 07:08:20 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a question that only you can answer but I'd pose a few questions to you before you proceed:
Why did you marry him? What was special about him?
Do/Did you trust him?
Why do you think he had an affair - is there something you aren't giving him?
Trust is the foundation of a successful marriage. Happy marriages have trust. Unhappy marriages don't.
I'm not going to forgive him for what he did - that was screwed up and from the way you phrase your question it sounds like he's pretty okay with the fact that he just BROKE HIS COMMITMENT. I hate to say it but this guy sounds like a serious idiot. Unprotected sex with ANYONE if you don't want to get pregnant is STUPID!!!!!! I'll NEVER understand why people "accidentally" get pregnant.
So you are married to an idiot who doesn't have any honor. I'm not saying he's hopeless, but that's who you chose.
Also, if you have any children this whole conversation changes. You can't be selfish if you have a child. You must think of the child first.
FP
2007-01-05 07:07:43 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah.. I wish there was an easy answer. Guessing you won't find an answer here. You have raised several issues that you need to consider. You need to do some serious soul searching. It is hard enough to find a way to deal with the anger and pain associated with infidelity by itself regardless if you stay in the relationship or not. Throw in the added baby issue and well things will get alot worse. I have mixed emotions on the subject but these are the things that would be issues to me:
1. His lack of respect for you not only as his wife but as a person in general. Unprotected sex is just stupid these days and how would you feel if you lost your life because of his selfishness.....are you willing to die for this man that could care less?
2.Pull out method, well that is almost too absurd to even talk about....here is an idea...he should practice the do not stick it in to begin with method! Could you or would you want to have an amicable relationship with this other woman because you would have to, for the sake of the child. As his wife you should be his #1 priority, were you when he slept with her? No. Are you going to like being #2 behind the child and even sometimes #3 behind the childs mother? You would almost have to be a saint to accept all of that.
3. What is best for you? You have to love and respect yourself first before anyone else.... I am guessing you are worth alot more than the value he has placed on you or your marriage.
4. Try not to be too judgemental of the other woman. Yes it takes two, she disrespected your position as his wife but he disrespected you as a person ....is that love? She has no responsibilty for and who knows what crap he was telling her. I doubt it was that he loves you, respects you, would never want to intentionally hurt you and values his marriage....
How many more like her are in your future if you stay with this man?
2007-01-05 07:46:36 · answer #4 · answered by Just Me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So what are you asking? " Would I continue to stay in a marriage with a husband who cheated on me?????" no way, not ever, not even close.
Marriage is respect, admiration, passion and trust. When the trust is gone, the rest of it just falls down the tubes-- my admiration and respect for a cheating husband would just blow up and die away, and I sure as hell could never have passion for a guy who share body and soul with another women while he was married to me. Marriage is a bond between two people -- a bond of love, trust, and "forsaking all others..." when you marry. If he screwing around now with someone he met before you, he has betrayed your love, your trust, his vows and your marriage. What ARE you thinking?? What would he do if you did this to him???? would he be just flipping delighted??? Are you flipping delighted??? So why are you still there???? In your place, I'd find a better class of guy as a husband, hon. One who is honest, dependable loving, supportive, and exclusive in his sexuality.... I don't want AIDS nor any other STD, thank you very much.
2007-01-05 07:15:02 · answer #5 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, the fact that he was messing around with this other chic whom he knew from before means that he still has a desire for her. I don't understand why he married you, but it seems to me that, either way, your husband is double minded. I hope that you do not have any children with him. I would also stop having sex with him immediately and have him tested.
I would have a chat with mom and drop him like a bad habit. He seems irresponsible and in lust for someone else. The "girlfriend" is obviously looking for her next meal ticket, if not her next sexual relationship. Chances are that she is pregnant since the "pull-out" method is just a fantasy.
2007-01-05 07:05:39 · answer #6 · answered by Humberto M 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First - he needs to grow up... I can not believe in this day in age, that could ever be considered as a birth control method. That is incredibly ignorant. Second... I can't believe you believed that?? If you've had sex with him - go get tested - don't wait for him.. And while you're on the way out the door - kick him to the curb.. you deserve someone much more intelligent.
2007-01-05 07:03:38 · answer #7 · answered by smartypants 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
if she was pregnant or not i'ld leave because he cheated. ALSO i have a 9 and 11 year old never used protection after the 9 year old was born i just had a baby 12/07/06 not every women gets pregnant ez. i never used birth control we used the pull out lol
2007-01-05 07:02:52 · answer #8 · answered by ally'smom 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No im afraid not....He was with her before you married him so thats fine,but if he was having sex while you and he were an item then I would be very disappointed to say he least.....However if he has been with this woman since you have been married ,im not really sure but if she,s pregnut that is the ultrimate betrayal......I could not not would not stay with him period.....also she is not the only one to blame for unprotected sex,it was his responsibility too,and i would make him take a text for disease if you stay with him.
2007-01-05 13:14:22 · answer #9 · answered by slickcut 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
did he have sex with her before he met u? or after he met and became involved with u? matters alot. even if u weren't married to him at the time, i assume u were still in a relationship with him, often times the best predictor after marriage is what they did before marriage. if u were involved with him when he had sex with her, than he definitely cheated on u, sounds as if u are trying to find excuses to let him off the hook, but the act itself should have repulsed u, if you were in a relationship with him at the time. i would go. if not i would give him a chance, and one chance only.what is he saying about all this? if she does turn out to be pregnant, do u know he will be paying child support, do u know this child and mom will be in your life for awhile? not that easy to deal with.
2007-01-05 07:12:59 · answer #10 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would leave my husband so quick his head would spin. I hate to say it but the pull out method is so unreliable. My best advice is to get a STD test done and if she turns out to be pregnant leave the guy.
2007-01-05 07:04:30 · answer #11 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋