Anyone who has been through a lot in relationships, please help me to figure this out:?

Question

After a bad fight about a week ago my live in fiance told me she needed space. I apologized profusely but it just seemed to make her angrier. So I temporarily moved out.

She called me on Wednesday to talk about something trivial then let me know how hurt and angry and upset she was about the fight. She told me not to call her unless I needed something. She also said the dogs missed me. And when I told her I was looking for roommate she told me not to do anything till I talked to her.

When I asked what our status together or apart she said she didnt know. She said she wasn't going to see anyone else, but she didn't care what I did. She said why should it matter what our status was, and to just do whatever my conscience tells me to do.

After hearing her out I sent her an email to her work that she wouldnt get till next day, just apologizing and letting her know things could still be good between us, but I would leave it up to her to contact me.

How will things work out?

Answer 1

"Needing space" is usually a death to relationships. Move on because she said she doesn't care what you do.

Answer 2

After you started appoligizing she got angrier. That sounds like she was trying to start a fight so she would have a reason to leave and when you didn't play into it she had to chose a different path.
She told you not to call unless you needed something but she was the one that called you.
The dogs miss you?
don't get a room mate until she talks to you?
She doesn't know if you are together or apart?
She does'nt care what you do?
This girl i think is very controlling. She wants to keep you hanging on unless whatever she is up to doesn't go well. I say you get that roomate . Do not express any more feelings even if it kills you. If she comes crawling back on hands and knees you tell her that you need time to think, that what she did gave you a big wake up call. She needs to be put in her place.

Answer 3

"How will things work out" I'm not a seer, but why would you even consider continuing a relationship with someone who appears to not love you? Relationships are admiration, respect, passion and trust, with a whole lot of lovies, time together, sharing, solving problems without rage, a common goal or goals, communication, making wishes known without trouncing on some one's ego, and sometimes just "shutting the hell up." From what you have said, she doesn't feel too many of these things for you --- at least not enough for a relationship.... There is noting wrong with needing some space,and even telling you that, but telling you to go on about your life, and admitting she really doesn't know what your status is, is the same as giving you your walking papers. I don't know how old you are, or what your goals are: Do you wish marriage? Do you wish a family? Do you wish to be together, as a couple and form a bond of love and support? That takes communication and neither of you appear to be able to do that --- (get a book called "The Assertive Option" -- and old one still in print, and still used in counseling classes since no one has ever written one better). Perhaps neither of you are really ready to have a committed relationship. If she contacts you, what do you want solved? You should certainly have the solution in mind, or she's just a game player..... Hon, there are just way too many nice ladies out there who know what they want, some want to be married, have a family, work out problems, and sleep in the arms of the man they love. The lady you have described here, does not qualify for a solid relationship...she's either too young or has no clue of what it takes to make one work.

Answer 4

The ball is totally in your court, chances are if the dogs miss you that's code for I miss you. I'm not moving on means you start seeing someone else I will never be yours again. I say ask her to dinner you need to talk and the e-mail is just not doing it for both of you. Make sure to bring flowers and jewelry, tell her again how sorry you are but you really have to feel it and be afraid of losing her. I believe all she wants from you is to feel you can't live without her, and appreciate her. Tell her all the nice things she has ever done for you and ask her if I don't have you who will do this and this. Only after it has loosened up a bit and she feels more comfortable with you than throw in a sex comment see how she reacts but at this point you have to be confident not still groveling. For sure don't start a new relationship while this one is still hanging on even if by a thread, don't even talk about it with her your answer for that if she asks tell her I could never be with anyone else your the one for me. Don't grovel for to long because than she could start to take advantage of that and then everything could back fire and you'll lose her for being a softie. Good Luck!

Answer 5

I don't know how things will work out but, you are your own person and you need to make your own choices. It sounds like she is stringing your along. If you don't live with her that is good. If she can't make a decision make the decision for yourself. Life is too short to deal with the drama like that. Everyone fights or disagrees in relationships. It is just a matter of working it out. She absolutely can not work it out in her mind there for you may not be wise to stay in a relationship that is becoming wishy washy.
My advice is don't let her string you along. I would say to her I want an answer of what is expected in 3 days if she doesn't respond to you and work things out within the 3 days then she doesn't really care to save the relationship move on with your life and have a great time.
Good Luck
Good Luck

Answer 6

What the heck do you keep apologizing for? Did you do something wrong? If not, stop apologizing. Be a man and tell her that either you're together or you aren't! You can't live in limbo and if she doesn't want to be together you're going to move on with a life that doesn't include her. Give her a deadline (not more that a few days) for her to make a decision. How ever it works out, just know that it's for the best, even if it doesn't feel that way right now.

Answer 7

Y ou did the right thing, apologizing to her for what happened. There's nothing else you can do. You said that you are sorry. It is up to her now to forgive you and let this thing behind. However, fighting with your fiance is not a good sign for your marriage. That will intimidate any woman. Women like to be secure and safe especially with someone they're commited in love and relationship with. Make sure you don't let that happen in the future. For that is a not a good signal for your future marriage. She might think you will abuse and mistreat her in marriage.

I encourage you to keep praying for reconciliation. I think she will forgive you and move on with things. Don't go and date another woman- Be faithful! Your engagement is a pre-marital vow.

Answer 8

She is leaving it up to your "concious", and you are leaving it up to her. This is no way of resolving the problem.

If you really want her back, then you should take action. emails are NOT going to work,... it seems like you don't get that is going to take more than an apology and an email to get back with her.

She is obvioulsy reaching out by calling you about the dogs and by telling you that she is not going to see no one else. She is hurt by you teling her about finding a roommate and stuff... she is going to reply with a cold shoulder if you continue showing lame efforts to get her back, you know, she is worth more than an email... don't ya think????

I say, send her a painfully expensive and flashy bouquet of flowers at work. Tell her that you understand yoru error and that you will correct it and that she means the world to you and that you don't wan't to lose her and that you will do anything to get her back. Send flowers the next day too, next card would say: Please forgive me. . and the next day another bouquet of flowers that would say: can we please talk????

Ask her out on a date on a neutral palce: not her apartment or yours. A favorite restaurant or place for the both of you would do the trick. BEG for another chance and get on yoru knees if you need to... GET IT????? An email is just NOT going to do.

Is quiete obvious that she still loves you and is just waiting for you to show a desperate act of love.

What about an ad on the local newspaper? A serenade? A sing-gram?


Good luck

Answer 9

You 2 have already started out on the wrong foot. If she is needing time away from you now , how long would it take before she will need the same thing when and if you get back together?

Answer 10

Hi, believe me, she does care what you do. She is just mad and striking out. I agree with some of the others, think of something to melt her heart . We (women) are suckers for whimsical acts of love (not flowers, candy or stuffed animals), but heartfelt desperation to show her you mean it when you tell her you love her and how sorry you are (are you really the only one at fault with this fight?). Good luck to you. I can almost feel your pain. it makes me sad to hear things like this........

Answer 11

Wow, you must have done something serious for her to fire up like this.
I mean, she's your fiancee, right?
Do something sweet for her.
Do something that will sweep her off her feet.
Stay outside her doorstep all night with flowers.
Do something totally crazy.
Women are creatures of emotion, and if you drive the emotion well,
she'll run back to you sooner or later.
If you really want the girl,
then you HAVE to do something that will change her mind.
Be creative and original.
Don't choose something from some cheesy chick flick to change her mind.
Make something of YOUR OWN.
I'm sure she still love you.
I mean she went this far to be your fiancee, right?
Hope things work out.