When do you start looking into the possibilities of a cheater?

Question

My heart tells me that my husband is not a cheater - and never has been. I know he loves me and our family with all his heart. But, I can't shake these thoughts that I should be cautious.
He recently started working in a new department, and he said there are a couple of men that he works with that cheat on their wives, one of them he works very closely with. He works nights and is on call, so his schedule changes drastically from week to week. A couple of times here lately he has done things that made me wonder where he was or what he was doing. I didn't think he was with someone, I was more just concerned. As soon as I ask him, he seems to get defensive and will say "what, do you think I was cheating?" or "I don't want you to think I was with someone else. I would never do that to you." I think to myself - of course you wouldn't want me to think that, especially if you were cheating!
He just keeps bringing it up. Should I be worried? Am I just paranoid?

He had a Christmas party for work that I knew people were bringing their wives too. He insisted I was not going to come,that nobody else was bringing their wives. Well, he admitted in the end that he was wrong and he should have brought me, but it was so obvious that he knew wives would be there and he didn't want me to come.
That made me wonder - was he hiding something or just being an inconsiderate idiot.
He will at times assume that I am sleeping so rather than come home he will go out browsing stores like Wal-mart because he can't sleep. He will show me the reciept to prove where he was and what time, but I still don't understand what a married man is doing out at 2am for no good reason when his family is home.

Answer 1

I Think You Should Be Very Aweare Of His Actions And What is Going On With Him,as I Was Told This By A X Who i Later Found Out Was indeed Cheating,But on the other hand maybe there is nothing going on,just be careful... i would not want what happened to me to happen to you!

Answer 2

There can be a lot of reasons why he would deny that he was cheating when you brought it up. The primary reason is social. Maybe he has had relationships in the past where he was cheated on under similar circumstances, or maybe he had a parent who cheated on his other parent. If neither of those are true, just watch some TV, because suggestions of infidelity are all over. In our society, it's no wonder that's what he would believe you are thinking! Don't read so much into it. Do tell your husband what he can do to help you feel more secure, such as calling at certain times, for example. Communicate honestly and fairly, don't let yourself get paranoid, and you'll work out together a way to make things feel better.

Answer 3

WORD OF WARNING!!!!!! Do NOT believe him. This whole story flashes a big red beacon in front of me. The defensiveness, he works with cheaters, and therefore has other friends that will serve as alibis, he can claim work because his schedule can be flexible in a way you wouldnt really know, if he is saying this that don't make sense, or are conflicting, the going to stores at 2am for no reason..... making sure he has a receipt to show you.... as if he couldn't go out with someone else and stop on the way home to pick up the "proof". C'mon, you have every right to wonder what is going on. To me, it just reminds me of someone I knew, who was a cheater, who seems to be the VERY SAME person you are talking about (but he isn't). The guy did the same exact thing (shopping, getting the receipt) and he was, indeed, cheating.

Answer 4

You'd better quit this crap now or you will KILL your relationship. I guarantee it.

It doesn't matter why you are suspicious at all. What does matter is that you have no trust. Why? Trust is the FOUNDATION of a relationship - the cornerstone. Without trust and communication a marriage or long-term relationship is doomed.

So I don't think it's jealousy. I think that you are trying to kill your relationship for some reason. Why do you think you would do that? If you truly believe that you man is a good man - isn't that enough? If you are married - or have children - or plan to have children - then you'd better slow down and let go of this delusional thinking.

Good luck and don't kill your relationship - be honest with your man. Doesn't he deserve that from you?

FP

Answer 5

That is odd...hmmmm....I don't think there's a way to figure it out unless you catch him on it. He may be somewhere entertaining clients or co-workers that he knows you wouldn't like rather than be out cheating, therefore the odd behavior, but it is hard. I would watch him and in the meantime, get him out on a date for some fun with his wife to help bolster your confidence and remind him why he doesn't cheat. Best of luck. Hope it is all nothing.

Answer 6

Please tell him that you would like it to be alright if you asked when worried so that you yourself knew everything was alright. I would not have a problem if you asked me. In fact I strongly suggest that my gf ask me whenever she feels in doubt. I am very happy that he is being very open with you and using the key words that most cheaters don't like to even mention.

Now is a good time to stregnthen your love for him and his love for you. Is there anything you would like for him to do for or to you, and ask the same of him.

Never stop making your love stronger.

I think you are alright. I am struggling a bit myself with the same issue, but also believe she is true. But her flirting tends to knock me down and I haven't myself figured out how to ask her to stop it. The other night she offered to rub my brothers feet. Laughs, I laugh because it is now just becoming a joke to me. WHY would you ask?

Keep going, I think you are fine, but make it stronger as I have suggested above.

Answer 7

I know how you feel. the most imoportant thing is to not try and ratinoalize things too much or you will exaust yourself. The truth of the matter is sometimes your mind will start to think of things that you are scared of....and considering that he has told you about others around him who cheat it might have started your mind to think of the worst. Listen the best thing to do is sit with him and explain why you are having these thoughts.......and if he starts to get upset or defensive explain to him that you want to understand why he gets upset about the conversation.....

Good Luck...All the Best!

Answer 8

a married man should not want to be out at 2am his defensiveness would indeed cause me to worry, cause its usually the ones who feel they must deny it or carry on a big conversation defending there selves, are exactly the ones who are doing it. he should have sat down and eased your mind, communicated about it to u, instead of getting defensive about it. if your intuition is telling u something, than i would definitely believe it first before anything he told u. your not paranoid, u have a right to be concerned, based on how he is behaving.

Answer 9

honey, he is cheating and your heart is telling you. it only takes 5 minutes to run in walmart to prove he was there but where else was he the other hours? walkin the aisles NO! he is cheating.
this happened to me (the christmas party situation) years ago and i am divorced now. tell him to come clean if he wants to stay with you . get out of the marriage if he doesn't . good luck
listen to your heart. i did and i knew for two months before the shi_ hit the fan!

Answer 10

I think that he must be thinking about it if he hasn't already. Why would he constantly bring it up if he wasn't interested. Are there other signs? Like talking about a certain woman alot or late getting home....real late? You know in your gut. Good luck.