He never said a word, nor did I. Not even when our 3 kids all under age 10 gave us gifts. The history: He USED to drink every day in denial of course... Cheated 5 years ago when he left me 4 the office slut & moved in w/her leaving me @ his 2 kids homeless. I went to work, begged him to come back, he did and has thrown it in my face ever since about how I should be thrilled he even came back & he threw that woman in my face. I was a sucker, gave in, took him back - he took on more bad habits, let his friends talk to me like **** - I moved out thinking he would change & was apart 9 months when he found out I met someone he asked me back, I went &I had another baby, things did not change... his family treats me like ****, mine is always wrong, we don't kiss, touch or show affection.We don't do ANYTHING, go out, nothing. He plays golf & drums. Thats it. No friends, etc unless it's his family And I'm hot! 5'7", size 3, blondish long hair, look great 4 having 3 kids and I am sexual & smart.
2007-01-05 05:46:25 · 9 answers · asked by 30YrOldPTAMomof3 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
On top of keeping myself fit and attractive, I am a good wife. I cook (from scratch), sew women's clothing and quilts, I write, I clean, I do yardwork, I am active in the kids school... I encourage his golf games, I am sexual, I am open minded and I am very laid back.
Why haven't I left? I guess because I felt that with the divorce rates are really high, like no one tried anymore to be married and really work through problems. I tried doing that by staying and being forgiving. But now 10 years later, I see my time has been wasted.
But his tormenting words keep me from seeing straight at times.
2007-01-05 05:53:29 · update #1
He refuses counseling, saying it's all me.
Now I did go upon his request, only to have him acuse me of sleeping with the shrink b/c he told me I was being mentally abused.
This is is 2nd marriage and my first. I am 30, he is 33. His first marriage ended after 3 years when his wife cheated.
I am not a drinker or druggie - so that has never been an issue.
He was an alcoholic (case a beer a night) until last easter.
he blames me and his ex wife for drinking.
He is a good Dad, but he talks to me terribly and humilates me every chance he gets.
Today he came home from work early... still no anniversary greeting - I told him I would like to rent a house for me and the girls. He left to play golf w/ a buddy.
I have never been unfaithful or given him reason.
I did complain when he drank, especially if he brought trashy people around.
I did call him on his cheating...
But I have been too understanding...
Also: he will not let me finish my degree, I may meet someone.
2007-01-05 06:02:20 · update #2
Sweetheart, the only thing you're lacking - seriously - is self esteem! Get OUT of there for your sake and for your children's sakes!
I was married to a loser and after 11 1/2 years of cheating, vd from his affairs, him locking our 2 and 6 year old children outside all day so he wouldn't be disturbed while watching television and I was at work along with many more issues too numerous to relate here, I FINALLY looked in the mirror and said, "I'm worth better than this!"
Your children are growing up to think this is how normal families are. Do you want to face your daughter in 15 years when she's in a similar situation and try to explain to her she doesn't need to put up with it? Are you willing to stand up to your son and tell him not to treat his own wife so shamefully? And what will be your response when they ask you, "Why are you telling us to do what you say, not what you do/did?" Children learn what they live, and there's someone out there willing and able to set a far better example for your children than their own father. It's not too late.
PLEASE stand in front of the mirror and repeat to yourself as many times as it takes for you to believe it "I'M WORTH BETTER THAN THIS!!!"
And please, do it soon before you end up with HIV or some other disease from this man. He has no respect for you and neither does his family. You WILL have support - you'll be amazed at how many of your friends and family will stand and applaud, shouting at the tops of their voices "It's about time!!!"
2007-01-05 08:39:53 · answer #1 · answered by dragonwing 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh sweetie, there's some serious need for counseling. It really doesn't matter at this point if he's not interested in going, but you need to see someone NOW! You need to sort through some of this stuff that's happened in the past and deal with what's going on now. There's always two sides to a story so I'm not taking sides. Just know that what is or isn't going on in your marriage is taking a huge affect on your kids. My personal experience is speaking when I say that you will have lots of guilt and regret concerning your kids if you don't seek help for clarity and probably some great need for self-confidence in knowing what to do and when to do it. Best of luck to you.
2007-01-05 13:52:07 · answer #2 · answered by Jenny S. 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You must be out of your mind. Get over trying to be the perfect wife. In my oppinion what matters most is your happiness and your kids. I think the minute you husband left, that was the moment you should have realized he never cared about you. Maybe this sounds bad but your putting yourself through unnecessary pain. Get out while you're still young.
2007-01-05 14:03:55 · answer #3 · answered by besitos111 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Going by what you describe, you've been in this abusive relationship way too long to where you're almost becoming insensitive to many things he does.
I usually like to find ways to work things out but I'm very tempted to ask you to let go. You definitely deserve better. You're sexy, smart, and you are expressive. You'll absolutely find someone that can love you for who you are, appreciate you and love your kids. How bad can it get darling? Move on when you still can.
If you feel like talking more about anything, please don't hesitate to email/IM me. Good luck.
2007-01-05 13:52:30 · answer #4 · answered by houstonian352000 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What a charming environment to bring up three kids in. Are you two crazy? Why are you still there? Why is he still there? Either go to marriage counseling and get it right or get it over with so your kids have a chance, please!
2007-01-05 13:52:44 · answer #5 · answered by whereRyou? 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
two words - marriage counseling
that is if you both want to work it out, sounds like you need some serious professional help.
2007-01-05 13:53:05 · answer #6 · answered by vebyllucs 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
why are you still married to him??
and just because you LOOK beautiful, doesnt mean you are the "perfect" wife... remember looks fade after a while..he has got issues..... go to counsling together, or get outta there...
2007-01-05 13:48:59 · answer #7 · answered by eguth23 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you are as intelligent as you say then you answered your own question as what to do.
2007-01-05 13:48:49 · answer #8 · answered by The Steele's 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
leave the selfish jerk! you can do better!! he's not the only fish in the sea...
2007-01-05 15:52:01 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋