2007-01-05 05:29:44 · 49 answers · asked by justme_badcat 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes, you CAN kick her out, but you choose not to.
As long as you are unwilling to use the leverage that you have, you will forever lose the power struggle you are having.
That being said, there are lots of things you CAN do that don't involve kicking her out.
1) Cut off her money.
2) Disallow phone use (it's your phone - lock the silly thing in a close if you have to).
3) Disallow Television (lock the remote in the closet with the phone).
4) Stop feeding her. She's an adult. In my house, you don't work, you don't eat.
Don't whine that she's not doing anything when you're running club-med for the indigent in your home.
2007-01-05 05:33:43 · answer #1 · answered by jbtascam 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I am beginning to know how you feel! My daughter just turned 19 and she flunked all of her college classes last semester because she's still upset over a break-up from 6 months ago. She's had several part time jobs, but she always quits one for another because she doesn't like some aspect of the job or someone she works with. She sleeps most of the day and takes my car to clubs and parties at night. She will NOT complete any task(chore) I give her to do around the house. She runs up the cell bill (this month alone it's $400!!), and totaled out a parked car in our truck! I felt bad for her at first because she was heartbroken, but now I realize that part of being a mom is teaching the little birdies how to fly on their own-translation-fend for themselves!! I worked my whole way through college with broken hearts, self esteem issues, and very little help from my parents. If you continue to let your 22 year old daughter live off of you, you are actually crippling her because she does not feel the urgency to provide herself with food and shelter. Let's do this together! "Daughter! I'm giving you 30 days to find a job or enroll in a training program that will eventually provide you with the skills to get a job!" Put a calendar on the frig, and cross out the days!! She'll get the message.
2007-01-05 05:55:03 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I understand you love your daughter and you want the best for her but if she is 22 adn still does not have a job I think its time to say tough love! I have been on my own since i was 16 years old paid for all my own schooling cars places to live and food and i can honestly say it was the best thing my father ever did for me. I am a successful hairdresser and working my way to be a paralegal! I am 20 years old and have it all (except good credit) Yes i did make mistakes along the way but I am finding that no matter what i want or need to do I can do it on my own. And have you know that my father and I have the best relationship a father and daughter can have. And it wasn't always this way I did hate him for a little while for kicking me out but hey I made my choices and he wasn't carring them on his shoulder. I didnt want to go to high school so I needed to grow up! and i did i put my self through beauty school (is now paid off) and i am currently in school for law. And i hate to say it but your daughter see's your weakness and is feeding from it tell her she has 2 months to get a job or 2 weeks to find a new place to live. She is 22 she's no longer your priority! it sounds mean but in the long run she will thank you! good luck!
2007-01-05 05:36:04 · answer #3 · answered by tluckie313 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Will you kick her out when she is 50 and doesn't have a job? What has age got to do with it? What will she do when you are dead? She is an adult. She is a user and you are an enabler. So many parents want to keep their children, children. Do you want her to become a responsible adult? If you do, treat her like one.
Tell her that she has two weeks to find a job and four weeks to find an apartment. Then mean it. If she doesn't accomplish this. Tell her to leave. I had to do this with my son when I finally realized that I was keeping him from growing up. I realized that I was not God and couldn't change him I had to let God take care of this problem.
How did it turn out? He went through some tough times. I prayed for him but did not interfere. He did find food and shelter. Now he is a husband, a father, a master electrician (he pulled himself up and studied for this) and, he now owns a very profitable electrical business. In time, God fixed the problem, when I let Him.
2007-01-05 06:03:54 · answer #4 · answered by 4HIM- Christians love 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your 22 year old is not listening, still living at home and not working, your problem is that she is spoiled. You are perpetuating that by letting her continue to live in your house without working.
You would do best to tell her that if she want's to live with you, she will have to start paying rent next month. She can either get a job or plan on finding another place to live.
You will be doing her a great favor. She needs to learn how to take care of herself.
Take care,
Troy
2007-01-05 05:38:01 · answer #5 · answered by tiuliucci 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are still the parent and you can still enforce rules if she is 22 and under your household. Maybe you can give her a set time to get a job, meet certain goals. Let her know that you want to help her out, but you are not obligated to. You are also not obligated to let her disrespect you in your house. You have to stand up to your adult daughter and tell her enough is enough. What is it called? Tough love. Start by having a one-on-one meeting with her to state the rules; then enforce the rules and if she doesn't comply, let her sleep outside a night. She'll learn.
2007-01-05 05:56:52 · answer #6 · answered by downinmn 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You sure as hell can kick her lazy *** out. My fiance had a son with no goals, ambition, and was basically just using good air when he graced us with his presence. She had to remove the high speed internet (as he was on it all night long then sleeping all day) and he left. Although this method would not work for all it did with him. She had to do this tough love approach in order for him to get out and make something of himself. He moved to another town about an hour away and needed to go on Welfare for a couple of months before he found a job that he likes. He is doing much better on his own and now realizes that what his mom did was for his best interest. If she does not pay attention to you then you have every right to not only help pack her bags but pack them yourself if necessary and give her a date to find new accommodations. Who knows she may have to couch surf at her friends for a while but eventually she will either sink ir swim. Best of luck and I would say to you that you should grow a backbone and do what is right for you both and have her out of your house by month's end.
2007-01-05 05:38:53 · answer #7 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
WOW This is one of the toughest parts about being a parent of adult children. I know believe me. my daughter is 18 and wants to move back home with the very same issue. She wants to come back because she is quiting her job 5 hours away to be with this boy she "loves" here. So this is what I have done...... she is allowed to stay with me up to two months. After that, she is out on her own one way or the other again. Explain to your daughter that life is NOT for living OFF people. We work to live. and live to work kind off. this is a tough one. If you are not willing to stick to your guns about your decision though, it will all be a waste of your time and energy trying to explain this to her.
good luck and putting your foot down is THE ONLY way. sorry to say. sometimes tough love is better than living in a home where no one is happy because of issues.
2007-01-05 05:36:42 · answer #8 · answered by butterfly 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have gotten quite a few responses to your current dilemma...but it's easier said than done...that is your child...and she could very well be your only child; therefore, kicking her out won't resolve your issue. If she doesn't have a job, it could very well be for many reasons such as "low self-esteem issues," non-experience in the workforce, she is scared, etc. She's not listening to you because you are demanding this of her and try to remember when you where a pre-adult...We think we are grown when we are not, and when we finally reach that point we recognize how we could have done things differently. It's the same way with her...she thinks she's grown and she has yet to live life...try to give her focus...give her reason to get a job...let her know..."Mommy is not always going to be here to lift you up or take care of you. Time for you to do for yourself because you deserve it." Here are some resources that may be of assistance:
Have her look into your local Community College and take a Career Placement Test...try this site:
http://www.50states.com/college/(lists of colleges/univeristies that you can choose from within your city/state)
Take her down to the Unemployment Office where there are plenty of Resources she can utilize (she can be tested in a field of interest and they can give her job leads based on her results)
See if she is interested in Taking the Career Test online:
http://www.colorwize.com/CareerTestFirst.htm
I do so hope that gives you some thoughts to work on. Take care...(smiles)
2007-01-05 06:55:10 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Don't feel bad dear, not any of them listen much. I raised four and can't say that any of them did. Just sit down and talk with her, and tell her that she has to start pulling her fair share of the load, and then go from there. Tell her, that if she does not work then she does not have a right to tell you what to do. If she doesn't come around then lock her out of the house for a nigh or so, or whatever it takes. She really is not taking you serious, you probably have spoiled her somewhat. Good luck
2007-01-05 05:36:03 · answer #10 · answered by hog rock 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋