I have been with my partner for nearly 5yrs and we have just found out that his brothers girlfriend is 6 weeks pregnant. He has been with her 9 months and she is horrible and totally does'nt fit in with the family. The problem is I have been totally broody for ages and am desperate for a child. I get on really well with his family and they have all said they thought we would be first to have a child. (which makes me feel so much worse) everyone in the family is disapointed that she is pregnant and thinks that she has done it to trap him (there are reasons for this that I wont go into), All of this makes me so angry and I cried when I found out. I am so jealous that I dont even want to speak to her. My boyfriend wont let me have a baby yet, he says he is ready but he wants the house, job and everything to be perfect before we try! but will it ever be perfect? Will these maternal feelings ever go away? I want to be happy for them, but I so want what they have got. is this normal?
2007-01-05 05:18:05 · 24 answers · asked by shining star 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
First of all its my boyfriends brother! second of all we are engaged, and third of all yes I do hate her but not because she is pregnant. as I mentioned there are other reasons that I wont go into.
2007-01-05 05:26:51 · update #1
Thanx for some of these answers, Im not a nasty person. And I cant explane the urge to have a child. I know my boyfriend is right, thats why I hav'nt left him or anything! I dont want to feel like this, it makes me very upset and emotional. I dont ignore the girl at all or treat her bad. at the end of the day it is my future relative shes carrying (by marrage)
2007-01-05 05:32:41 · update #2
p.s we do have jobs, he just wants to find a new one as he does'nt like the one he has
2007-01-05 05:37:14 · update #3
It's amazing how strongly people react on here whenever anyone says they are jealous! Clearly a bunch of saints who have never had a negative emotion in their lives.
I know what you mean. I got upset when my sister in law got pregnant because she is years younger than me and they weren't married at the time, and I felt that I wasn't 'allowed' (allowing myself) to have babies because I wasn't old enough and wasn't married yet.
Sounds like you want kids and had a nice idea in your head of how it would be when it happened (e.g. parents excited about the first grandchildren) and she has spoiled that image.
I don't think your maternal feelings will go away. If it's very important to you, talk to your partner and explain how you feel.
It's a little unfair to not talk to your brother's girlfriend though. No matter how you feel about her, this child will be your niece and nephew and one of your closest relatives, and she has the right to some support.
2007-01-05 19:52:40 · answer #1 · answered by Ricecakes 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
All the feelings that you have are perfectly normal!!! I've been there and so have many others believe me!
You have asked a well informed questions and I THINK you deserve a well informed answer.....
First off you are broody and have obviously had chat with your BF..and he hs said that he wants to wait until all is in place and perfect.....many people say that but really there can always be a reason for not having a baby yet and we've sometimes just gotta bite the bullet and do it.....but you cannot force him to do it but you could try and talk to him again and ask if you can make a time line to when he would be ok to start trying.....(worked for me and took the pressure off both of us)
I also think that you have probably been getting that pressure from the members of the family that expected both of you to be at least 'trying' by now and that doesn't help does it....you probably feel it more than your BF because you are the one that feels broody and ready for a baby.
The brothers girl friend that is pregnant....well that's happened now and all you can do is just wait and see...who knows it may be OK and be easier than you thought....you will be OK and in the end you will get what you want....don't let it eat you up....make plans ...talk to your boyfriend.....good luck and be happyx
2007-01-05 05:49:33 · answer #2 · answered by Jp 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes of course its totally normal,
youve been wanting something so desperatly for so long and have been doing the responsible thing by waiting until you are able to financially support your child. She has done the most sickest and dispicable thing, if what you say is true, and brought an innocent life into the world for the most twisted and horrible reasons! You have every reason to feel the way you do.
But dont worry honey, youre time will come, you at least have a wonderful partner that you love and that you know you want to have your children with! i have friends as broody as you and they dont even have a partner so they are even more exasperated and upset! So at least you have that, and you know for definite that at some point in the near future you will have all the children you want.
Just remember, your boyfriend is right, having a child these days is soooooooo much more expensive than it used to be, and you would want to be able to provide as well as you could for your children and to be able to give them everything that they need right? So dont be jealous, you are doing the right thing.
As for his brother´s girlfriend, if she has to have a baby to keep her boyfriend then their relationship doesnt sound very stable and loving, so it will never ever last, just wait it out and concentrate less on her and concentrate more on making it happen for yourself! Start looking into getting a mortgage for a place that will accomodate a family and make your dream closer to being a reality xx
2007-01-05 05:49:22 · answer #3 · answered by amnesty 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
From what you say this is perfectly normal. Maternal feelings are stronger than anyone (especially men) realise. You are in a solid long term relationship, where you would expect the next stage to be houses and babies, and here comes a young strumpet totally out of the blue getting everything that you want without even trying. I can imagine how frustrated you must feel.
There is no way of making these angry feelings go away, but maybe you will gain a little comfort from thinking that she has rushed into the whole relationship/baby thing and most people will agree that having a baby is no way to cement a relationship, if she was needing to trap him then it is unlikely the whole thing will last very long. At least you have a solid base, and your time will come, at a time when both you and your boyfriend are ready for it.
But maybe it would be worth mentioning to your boyfriend that there is never a 'good' time to have a baby and most people will never be able to 'afford' a baby, but somehow we all muddle along!
Don't beat yourself up about feeling bad towards her, you are just a normal woman, wanting normal woman things!!
Good Luck :-)
2007-01-05 05:29:37 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I can understand you being upset because you want to have a baby and you didn't yet... but have you guy even tried since you wrote that your partner doesn't want that right now? It doesn't matter what anyone says about this other girl having a baby she is and there is nothing anyone can do about it that's between her and her partner.... 5 years is great to be with a person WHO a child... I just got back with my high school sweetheart after 10 years ago and we have been back for 2 months and i found out a week and a half ago that I'm going to have a baby which is our first we are engaged and happy but still i wish that we would have got to spend more time together alone before the baby..... so at least you will have your time don't rush as for me I couldn't be any more happier we are both 28 and have always been GREAT together but its stressful because its a huge responsibility GOOD LUCK TO YOU hope i have helped....
2007-01-05 05:30:49 · answer #5 · answered by jen92078 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I totally understand how you feel about feeling jeolous however, your husband is right. It is expensive too have a child and it is always better to be prepared by living comfortable.
If you really want to start a family talk too your husband about it and maybe he will change his mind. The good thing is both of you are working and 1 child can not break you however when you start too have 3 to 4 it becomes alot tougher. I have 4 children and it is diificult but I do not regret my children because I love them so much this is what's making my family stronger the love... Good Luck too you both..
2007-01-05 05:53:29 · answer #6 · answered by Vicky 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ahh dear. theres never a "perfect time" to have a baby, just more convienient times than others. its great he wants to be secure first but the most a baby can ever ask for is 2 loving parents. the house, job and all the other material things come along later on. its totally fair to feel jealous, but dont get trapped into feeling bitter, that'll only hurt you more. a baby cant be conceived out of jealousy...even though you may want one now more than ever. just maybe stay out of her way until you've calmed down, then just speak to her when you have to! hope this helps xxxx
2007-01-05 05:29:04 · answer #7 · answered by hana woo 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You will get your turn to be in the spotlight. I really wanted a baby with my husband. We tried for 10 years. In those 10 years his older sister had 3 children and his younger sister had 4 children. I was VERY jealous of them but then I ended up getting pregnant myself. I don't think anyone is ever financially ready for kids but you tend to adjust when you have them. Your time will come and all focus will be on you. Just hang in there.
2007-01-05 05:30:10 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nothing is ever or will ever be perfect, but your boyfriend does have the right idea. It would seem he is the most level headed of the two of you. Nothing wrong with wanting to have a child, but why rush? I like you passion for motherhood, but you cannot force him to appease you and impregnate you. Parenthood is a lifelong process and you want to get off on the right foot.
Get married.
Get a house
Get a jgood paying job
Start a nest egg.
Once you have those four steps in place, then you can commence with the babymaking.
Until then, you are rushing the issue and making a HUGE mistake!
2007-01-05 05:30:13 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Honey get married first and then have a baby .A house a car or a job is not the issue . The baby doesn't care about that stuff but two people that commit to one another that is much more important then any of these things. Don't be jealous your time will come and it will be perfect.But get married first.
2007-01-05 05:24:08 · answer #10 · answered by mary3127 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋