I am planning to get married in june. I have a son and he has a daughter. He treats my son nice. He picks him up from the sitter because I work late. He feeds him, bathes him, teaches him right from wrong. My problem is this whenever his daughter asks him to play with her, color with her, and even when she doesnt ask he follows her around like a puppy. When my son asks him to play, alot of times he says "mabey later" then never does it. I just want him to treat the kids equally and show the bith equal amounts of affection. I dont want my son to get older and feel like he is the 3rd wheel or whatever. I have talked to him about this before and he thinks I am jelous of the time he spends with his daughter and I dont want him spending any time with her which is not true. Anyone have any ideas of how I should bring this up without sounding like a evil person ? Or any other suggestions would be helpful.
2007-01-05 04:54:22 · 8 answers · asked by Melissa C 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You don't sound evil for wanting what's best for your son. Sounds like your fiance takes care of the physical needs of your child but is neglecting his emotion needs. You will need open communication with this or it will not get better. Your son deserves to be treated equally as you will soon be a family. No one deserves to get the short end of the stick so don't back down and make sure your fiance is capable of giving 100% to your son or don't marry him.
2007-01-05 04:58:07 · answer #1 · answered by katydid 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The problem isn't really what you are saying, it's what you are feeling. You have a red flag in front of you. I had some too and should have postponed my wedding. But I was so hung up on the June wedding thing that I went ahead blindly. I've seen others do it too. If you are speaking to your fiance about this and he is misinterpreting what you are trying to say, there needs to be some improvement in communication. Don't think the wedding will solve things - it won't. In fact, things might get worse. It's better to face this all head on right now. Talk to your fiance when the kids aren't around (or are in bed) and see if he's willing to work on your communication. There are plenty of resources on the internet that could help (free resources about relationships and communication techniques). Read, read, read about blended families and being a step-parent. It's as hard as everyone says it is - no matter what your intentions or his are right at this moment.
2007-01-05 05:01:22 · answer #2 · answered by searching_please 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good luck with that. My son married a girl with a son and my son has a daughter by a former marriage, I think in the beginning they had a lot of things to work out. Recently my daughter in law told me that her and my son would fight about it but the kids got along so well with each other they are the ones that worked it out for everyone involved. Now my daughter in law will plan little things like a movie for her and her son to go to and our son and his daughter and then later maybe a walk for it to be rotated, and they play games as a group, all 4 of them. There are many little games for tots the 4 of you could play with them and see how that goes. It is sometimes hard to know how things will work out. I am happy to say that they appear to me to be very well blended and the kids seem to like both parents......which always makes us grand parents happy also! I am so glad you are concerned for your son, alot of young women just care for themselves, you are a good mom and that is wonderful. I would try to find things to do all 4 of you and just see how that goes if it were me... good luck!
2007-01-05 05:12:39 · answer #3 · answered by ladynamedjane 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I married a man with 2 children a girl and a boy, I also have 2
children a girl and a boy. They were cute when they were young
in grade school but high school was SO hard to have a blended family. to this day I would never marry someone who has kids because it will never be equal. Even after they are out of the house and moved out. My 2 children live in the same town and I now have 2 grandchildren. My husband children live out of state and he also has 2 grandchildren, now he wants to move to out of state with his children and grandchildren and I want to stay here with my children. It was SO hard then and So hard now. If I could do over I would not marry into a blended family. And its hard on the children.
2007-01-05 05:10:44 · answer #4 · answered by Annie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to get this solved before you marry him. I would suggest that he spend time with his daughter, but include your son in their activities unless its a special occassion (such as her birthday). I would let him know that he's hurting your son's feelings and your son does like him and wants some equal amount of affection and quality time with him. Maybe on your son's birthday he could spend time with just your son.
2007-01-05 04:58:10 · answer #5 · answered by tiggerkitty3 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whether children are yours or not, you are always going to treat them different. My parents treated me differently than my sisters. My children are treated differently than my wife's because they are different and have different personalities.
You just can't make your boyfriend show affection. It comes with time and maybe that is what you need. Time with him but not married to him so he learns to love your son.
2007-01-05 05:02:47 · answer #6 · answered by Fishgutts 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW ... Anything I've ever read, seen or heard about blended family, tells me with every fibre of my being to "RUN". It will take a tremendous, tremendous amount of parenting together to make this work. Be soooooooooo careful
2007-01-05 05:19:30 · answer #7 · answered by morahastits 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u r not the first person to face this type of problem.but don't feel sad.if u play with your son he'll feel happy.don't worry tell your son to be friend with her she 'll make her dad to be kind with him.
2007-01-05 05:09:02 · answer #8 · answered by sudhir c 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋