After a bad fight about a week ago my live in fiance told me she needed space. I apologized profusely but it just seemed to make her angrier. So I temporarily moved out.
She called me on Wednesday to talk about something trivial then let me know how hurt and angry and upset she was about the fight. She told me not to call her unless I needed something. She also said the dogs missed me. And when I told her I was looking for roommate she told me not to do anything till I talked to her.
When I asked what our status together or apart she said she didnt know. She said she wasn't going to see anyone else, but she didn't care what I did. She said why should it matter what our status was, and to just do whatever my conscience tells me to do.
After hearing her out I sent her an email to her work that she wouldnt get till next day, just apologizing and letting her know things could still be good between us, but I would leave it up to her to contact me.
How will things work out?
2007-01-05 04:02:40 · 28 answers · asked by Tunasandwich 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First the warning...I'm going to be honest here and could be wrong but this is usually what is going on...I know from personal experience.
First situation: has she been picking fights with you a lot before this or been overly and strangely nice? If so then she has an interest in someone else, but it's not a sure thing and she may have not even talked to this other person about them...but her guilt about you is holding her back, thus the fighting and niceties. This isn't the end of things though, chances are she'll change her mind in a few days and come back to you and never think about the other person that was clouding her judgment again.
Second situation: There is no other person, she is genuinely fed up and does honestly need some time/space to sort things out. How can you tell if this is it? What is she doing right now...is she going out every night with friends or changing her normal routine in someway? If not then this is most likely the problem, but if so then it's more likely to be the first situation.
What to do? Nothing, give her the space and see what happens. Actually, the more space you give her the better. Go out with your friends, make sure she finds out about it. Don't do the crazy jealous guy stuff, just act like nothing happened even if it kills you. Usually, this starts spinning the wheels for another small fight and then back together, maybe even stronger than you were before, or...it's the end. Either way somethings gotta break, it can't stay like this forever.
2007-01-05 04:12:57 · answer #1 · answered by curiousmindsneed2know 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Not sure if this will help but - in reading between the lines of what your lady is saying...
1.) She needed space - you shouldn't have moved out completely - just should have stayed with a friend for a while.
2.) The trivial call - was just an excuse to find out what you were doing - she is second guessing asking you to leave, and only obviously wanted to talk about the issue - and remind you that you hurt her.
3.) Only call her unless you needed something? Call her and say this "I need something. I need you. I am hopeless without you".. You'll be back with her in no time.
4.) The dogs miss you? That is her way of saying "she" misses you. Go over and take the dogs for a walk - who knows, she might go with you = additional time for you both to talk - not argue - talk.
5.) When you told her you were looking for a roommate - she panicked - that means that your separation could be more 'permanent' in your mind than what it is in hers, and now she is starting to think that your roommate will get your attention - not her.. God forbid the room mate be female.. (now thats a thought)
6.) Your status - hmpf - either you're together and working it out - ie. don;t sleep elsewhere or your apart - free to date others.. and just because she's not - that doesn't mean you cant. Tell her you won't put your life on hold for much longer. Either she wants to be with you, or she doesnt. Its that simple. By the way - if she is throwing your conscience into it - she IS trying to make you feel guilty for even "thinking" about seeing someone else. No one needs a guilt trip.
I don't know how it is going to work out - however, I do know that no one should be made to feel guilty. Especially since it seems to me that you already apologized, and you seem to keep apologizing. Seems like you might spend the rest of your life apologizing to this girl... is that something YOU want.
What ever happens.. I hope you both end up happy...
2007-01-05 04:24:10 · answer #2 · answered by smartypants 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, I think that she needs to have you making a move.
You'll never know unless you plan a wonderful night out together, starting with some flowers ( or a single beautiful long red rose ) , a good dinner together and the firm idea to listen the real problem that she has and is still not able to tell you.
Get ready, there is not a human being completely predictable, you may precipitate a bad reaction: if your relation keeps on being good, then be patient but not distant. I would not be surprised that a woman - or a man- are sending the loved one away when they are very scared...giving time does not only mean to stay alone, mostly go slower, and respecting the rhythm from both sides till things are solving spontaneously.
Without having a magic ball, my common sense tells me that you will do better if you keep in touch with her unless she expressly tells you to stay away.
If the origin of the fight was a big mistake you made, don't expect quick true forgiving: it takes time and extra patience and attention.
Some people have not en ought with words but are just waiting to see reactions that are indicating that you really feel sorry for what happened. Figure out the most accurate way to express what you feel and go ahead softly.
2007-01-05 04:18:08 · answer #3 · answered by Expat Froggy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No matter what the fight was over, this woman is acting very juvenile, and that tells me there is something hardwired into her overall character. If you think anything will change once you are married (if you get back together) forget it. This is a classic behaviour of a woman who just flat out doesn't know her own mind, acts like a spoilt child, and after marriage it can only get more so. She's a spoilt brat type, and you are a little too much on the wimpy side for that kind of woman. You need to team up with a much more easy-going, calm, intelligent, self-controlled woman and one much more in tune with your own personality type.
I actually hope, for your sake, things don't "work out". I can see you becoming another divorce statistic, and I am no psychic.
2007-01-05 04:15:17 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
What I got out of it is>>> she was hurt so deep that no amount of apologies would ever be enough... she wants to be in control of your decision concerning a roommate, just in case she might want/need you back... she's still too mad to be deeply concerned about whether or not you're together right now (sounds like she feels like telling you to "go fly a kite">>> because she's not concerned about your feelings or your conscience, but is concerned about her own feelings right now.
Good choice about the email you sent her, because it sounds like she really does need some space right now.
Just stay backed off for awhile longer, till she gets things sorted out within her heart and mind... it really doesn't sound like she's through with you, so hang in there, hope for the best, but also prepare for the worst... and you'll get thru it better.
2007-01-05 04:21:22 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She is confused about what she wants, but I believe there is a ray of hope there for your relationship. She wants you to pursue her right now and make everything ok I think. I'd give her a few days and then call back just to see how she is doing. Tell her that you still love her, and invite her out on a date. Take it nice and slow, and follow her cues.
By the way, when she said the dogs miss you, that really means she misses you. :)
2007-01-05 04:08:13 · answer #6 · answered by brown_iyed_grrl 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Not trying to be nosy, but it really depends on what the "fight" was all about. So from the information I have, it sounds as if she does not want to break up or do anything on a permanent bases, but does need a little space to think, she also seems to want to know, without the apologies, if you feel the same way, are you willing to stand up like a man and "fight" for her.
2007-01-05 04:11:49 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
It all depends on how bad the fight was really & what it was about. If it was about your impending wedding, then you have a huge problem!!! She's VERY irritated about something & it's best to find out what it is. She really does not want you to date anyone else, trust me! She does still love you because she called you for probably no reason at all & she doesn't want you to look into getting a roommate.
2007-01-05 04:08:19 · answer #8 · answered by leecarh 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i does not pass searching for worry. If there continues to be thoughts, somebody's going to act on them ultimately. Then think of how the girl you are going to marry is going to experience. She's pleased with it now, yet even the girls who say they don't look to be are continuously jealous of the ex. in case you desire to money in on your modern relationship, cut back those strings and go away the previous interior the previous. not something stable will come of it. The ex lady pal is conscious that and she or he shouldn't experience too harm once you do tell her that being friends together with her is making you uncomfortable. It appears like she's protecting you around because of the fact she's nevertheless possesive or desires to maintain you on the decrease back burner till she is waiting for a ltr. be careful and stable luck
2016-12-19 09:22:17 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, there is a few ways it can work out. You know her best. What is your conscience telling you? She sounds alittle confused herself and if your love b/t each other is strong you should be able to work through alot. relationships are not perfect it's what you're willing to live with. What about ppl staying together 50 yrs. how hard are you willing to work on your relationship? How in love are you? No true way to know what will really happen. Radar's wife
2007-01-05 04:18:07 · answer #10 · answered by Radar 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋