I'm 29 & with my first boyfriend of 8 months (I've had no gfs). I haven't had any relationships in the past, b/c I haven't wanted any, but also b/c I'm just simply not attracted to most men. Many women, however, I can usually find something beautiful about (inside or out). When I was little, I was attracted to both genders.
I was once madly in love with my boyfriend, but it seems he'd rather pine for his ex, so there you have it. Something confusing though, was after each of the first few dates we had, I would actually, physically "shudder" at the memory of (kissing, touching hands, arms, etc.). I didn't understand why I was so grossed out after the dates, when I was so happy during them.
After a while, I "got used to it" and grew to be quite comfortable, initiating everything between us, we live together, etc. Unfortunately, he's a monk who won't "deflower" me.
So I can't tell for sure. What does it mean to shudder like that & then become comfortable later? Am I a closet les?
2007-01-05 03:22:16 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
In no way would he ever get the idea that I am not physically attracted to him, as I like to touch him (more than he likes me to, apparently!). And he's that 1 in a million guy that I was actually attracted to.
2007-01-05 03:24:23 · update #1
Like I said, he had no idea that I felt that way early on, and now we live together, walking around nude & sharing everything and I'm very comfortable with it. But I'm tired of living with a monk & I was thinking of leaving to expand my horizons, so to speak.
2007-01-05 03:27:45 · update #2
I'm very comfortable with the idea of sex with him, like I said, I initiate everything. He's the one who stops me! To his credit, he is 48 with some "issues" w/ certain important parts of his male body. But if I had to be with a different man, I think I'd go through the initial shuddering business all over again.. until I "got used to it" again.
2007-01-05 03:35:52 · update #3
um... i'm not happy b/c he won't touch me??
2007-01-05 03:52:40 · update #4
That's not the usual reaction to being with someone you care about. The only thing I can suggest is, try dating some women. It's up to you whether you tell him or whether you continue seeing him. It doesn't mean anything that you "got used to it." You'd be surprised what people can get used to. The question is, what do you want for yourself?
PS. closeted homosexuals know about their feelings and hide them from the public. Since you are unsure, you are not one.
2007-01-05 03:28:23 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think your shuddering is just a sign of being nervous. getting physical with someone can be very intimidating, especially if you've never done it before. i've never been comfortable or emotionally ready to go all the way with anyone yet. i am a 33 yr old virgin, by the way.
that's great that you have learned to feel comfortable with this guy to the point where you live together and get naked together.
i don't know what a monk is, but if you'd happy and comfortable with not having sex, then i suppose that's fine. i certainly don't plan to be a virgin for every though.
but yah, i don't think you are necessarily a lesbian. sexual orientation has nothing to do with nerves and intimidation.
if you love this guy and are happy with him, then you are straight or perhaps bi, but definitely not lesbian..
bottom line, don't worry about labelling yourself one or the other. just go with the flow and enjoy life.
my only concern is that if he wants to be with his ex, then he's not emotionally ready to be with you. the age gap may also be something that could cause problems.. but hey, as long as you are happy. that's what matters. just don't sell yourself short. there are lots of other guys out here that would be willing to love you 100% and not worry about ex partners.
2007-01-05 03:44:48 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you ever been attracted to a woman physically since you became an adult or is it only men that you find attractive now?
Maybe you have not found the right man for you,
But then again you feel more comfortable in the prescence of women and maybe you should try to explore this avenue further
2007-01-05 03:36:51 · answer #3 · answered by rhonda 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps while you love him, you are not yet comfortable with the idea of sex. It could be that you have had some bad relationships in the past that make you wary of opening up and risking pain again. If you had a time when you felt betrayed or let down by someone you trusted it is much harder to let go and trust another person.
2007-01-05 03:32:39 · answer #4 · answered by Clare 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you are bi-sexual but if your starting to shudder him it could be a sign that you may be a lesbian. Only you know though.
2007-01-05 03:29:12 · answer #5 · answered by Noclue 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you be be curious or bi. but the only way to know is to give it a try. i did and i love it. its the best of both.
2007-01-05 03:33:49 · answer #6 · answered by marta_f4f 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋