We have been married 28 years. Both children adult. She is an attractive woman caring of others with a fine intellect and personality. I did not believe it was serious when she told me a year ago she was involved with someone in Second Life. I believed it was just an internet game. I did not believe she could betray our marriage. I woke up after finding her YM and Second Life chat logs. It was devastating. She lied and evaded but finally told me he makes her happy. We are American, he is from Norway with wife + 2 teen girls butdoes not love his wife. He 1st said single then he was leaving but never has. She says they love each other but can't know if they are in-love unless they meet but havent agreed to a time. She insists that she has not cheated or betrayed me as our marriage was in name only for along time. Our talks end up with me mad and yelling and her shutting me out. She still cares but wants to be happy. I do not want to lose her or marriage. I am an emotional wreck - HELP!
2007-01-05 03:19:17 · 24 answers · asked by Gary K 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Unfortunately your marriage is over; she has indicated that. Get some personal counselling and prepare for the divorce; it's coming.
2007-01-05 03:22:23 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Aggression is natural, especially in males. Try to tame down that aggression and think clearly, although it will be hard it is beneficial to you. Discuss how this affects you and how it hurts to be lied to, and also about the betrayal. There is cheating if she thinks she is in love with someone else and explicitly talking and emotional with another. Let her know that you are not ready to let the marriage fail, and ask her what is she looking for in life. I'm afraid there is not much after that except convincing her to realize the folly she is about to make. Mention to her that she is willing to ruin another families life in the process. Be calm and patient as much as you can, and realize if its over its over. It will be hard on you no doubt, but you know what you may find someone better and more loyal than your wife, if it came to a end. Most important let your children know, they might be able to help or at least be there for you if it ends bad. My father at 53 just recently went through this and now finds himself in Spain married and happy. So hopefully this helps you out and I can only say good luck to you what ever happens.
2007-01-05 03:30:37 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
In person, or on line, an affair is an affair. I will just about guarantee you that this other man is not in love with your wife and that your wife is not his only on line "love". Obviously he is cheating on his wife, and if he were so unhappy he would have left her. Have you suggested marriage counseling to your wife, or tried to talk to her about what it is she is unhappy about and what the two of you can do to improve your relationship? Your wife can insist all she wants that she is not betraying you, but in fact she is a married woman and has betrayed your trust. How would she have felt if the shoe was on the other foot? Good luck to you, and I am sorry you are hurt, but in the end, if she continues with this on line fantasy, she will surely get what is coming to her.
2007-01-05 03:27:23 · answer #3 · answered by kandekizzez 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't have a marriage if she shuts u out& cheats! U need to respect what she wants. If it is the other man then leave.Start your life over.Somewhere along the line you lost each other.She may not b leaving you for him,but lets face it you just don't make her happy anymore.If shes not willing to go to counseling then why keep trying if she wants this fling?
2007-01-05 03:34:19 · answer #4 · answered by lilly l 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
unfortunately she will never be happy unless she does meet him, and when she does she will do things that will betray the marriage, and when that happens it may be over. alot of people meet others on the Internet, and think they are in love, and destroy their marriages, only to find out that they don't love the object of their desires. maybe u and her need to separate, and u need to distance yourself from her for awhile and see what happens, as it isn't working for u doing what u are doing now. if she says your married in name only that pretty much tells where her heart is, and u couldn't feel good about yourself right now. he will never leave his wife, or ever meet her in reality. move out and don't allow her to treat u like she is treating u. your just upsetting yourself and trying to control something u can't. she feels empty inside and thinks this man will fix her pain, but we both know it isn't possible, as she will need to fix herself.
2007-01-05 03:35:41 · answer #5 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As painful as this is, you need to set your wife free. She has lied and carried on a (non-sexual) affair. I would bet that Mr. Norway isn't going to leave his wife and your wife will be left hanging. Chances are good that she'll come running back but be careful. She's obviously looking for more. If you can give it to her, good. If not, find your own happiness. You deserve it. Good luck.
2007-01-05 03:28:16 · answer #6 · answered by katydid 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
1) Internet love RARELY works out. Trust me on that one.
2) Why were you snooping around her YM? Stop that.
3) Your talks end with you mad and yelling? Stop that. That won't get you anywhere.
4) Do you love her and want her, or are you burned because she's horsing around with another? Decide and proceed.
2007-01-05 03:28:27 · answer #7 · answered by Ade 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she has cheated on you, she doesn't consider it as cheating because there has been no physical contact...but psychologically it's like if she already has had sex with him many times...I think that the only way to fix it is that you seek help with a marriage counselor because your wife is not trying to help out the situation...also, the Norway guy is an ******! stupid people like him ruining marriages everywhere....and that second life thing should be shut down!
2007-01-05 03:26:35 · answer #8 · answered by Ψ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gary she has basically told you she doesnt love you anymore. One thing you can try is going to counseling together and seeing if you can work somethin gout. But realistically, how can you want to keep getting her back if she is not willing to stop talking to Mr. Norway and in fact is telling you she wants to meet him. Find someone who respects you and makes you feel special not like a second choice. Sorry G.
2007-01-05 03:22:38 · answer #9 · answered by brazilian76 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
she's not happy in your marriage, that she's made clear... try talking to her calmly and find out whats missing for her in your marriage, ask if there is any way you two can work this out. If she's not willing... then sorry to say, she has moved on. It seems Mr. Norway is giving her something that is missing in your relationship. If she is willing, she has to agree to loose Mr. Norway... I hope everything works out for you... Good Luck
Remember: If she's willing, you need to be willing to really listen and decide if her requirements are reasonable for you as well.
2007-01-05 03:42:47 · answer #10 · answered by Mystery 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋