Women Only please, Relationship with dad and boyfriend/husband?

Question

Do you feel that there is an overwellmingly translation that defines a womens relationship with her Dad projected on to her boyfriend/husband. My wife had a NULL at best or Negative relationship (divorce and abandament) with her dad and I wonder if some of her resentment is transposed on to me. Also do you think girls go after or marry men similar to their DADS. I would like to herar some good stories. Where are the optimists?

Answer 1

I think that would depend on what the daughter thought of her father. I adored my father because of his integrity, honesty, diligence, and intelligence. He was always a hard worker who truly put himself second for his family and still had enough to care for those around him who had trouble doing for themselves. My fiance has all of those qualities. When we met I had three small boys of my own and his son was half grown already. He knew in advance that I had three sons but still found interest in me and we have been together since. He not only cares for me and supports my endeavors but just like my father puts his family first and cares for my children as if they were his own. He's also one of the most honest men I have ever met and would help anyone in need.
So in my case, yep, I fell for someone who has the same qualities as my father.

Answer 2

While it is a fact that women or any person for that matter to grow up to be like their parents or the others that were a role in their childhood, I do believe that to each has there own choice to follow in that role or change it. Speaking from experience my father was a wonderful man and he loved my mother very much and would give her anything and everything she ever wanted, however my mother was a abused child and had issues with abandament and many times took that you on of us kids and my father. However as an adult today I dont tend to look for others that are like my parents I have worked very hard to be different from my parents although one day I would like to find a person that has the same straits that my father has I dont look to turn into my mother. Now as women get older and mature they do seem to pick up alot of their mothers or their fathers depending on which one they were closer to as a child. Its just a way of life and there's not alot anyone can do about it until the person can see that there is a problem and most wont see that cause they dont see anything out of the normal due to it history. History will repeat itself.

Answer 3

If she treats you poorly, you need to find somebody else. A father's actions toward his daughter certainly sets a standard for the type of person people look for, but as you mature, experience can be incorporated and then you aren't as likely to only go on your past. I, personally, try to avoid dudes like my Dad. While he's a good guy, he is a former Trekkie with little to no social skills and he tends to harbor resentment rather than talking about it. I think what you need to do is sit down with your significant other and have a chat with her regarding the way she treats you, and see if you two can do some self-analysis and see where the real problems are and what's causing them, so you can work on them together. Relationships require teamwork.

Answer 4

The trend does exist, but it's not the golden rule. I didn't have the best relationship growing up with my parents, especially my Dad. My dad was physically abusive towards my mom and I. I first ran away at 13, then I finally moved out two days after turning 16.
He cooled down over the years, but even then, it was hard for hium to be kind. I recall one day he stopped by to see me at work and complimented me on the dress I was wearing, then he loked down and said I sure had big feet. HAHA!!
Things are much better now, and I'll stop him if he begins to put anyone close to me down.
Anyhow, I am happily married to a wonderful, kind man who treats me as I deserve. I am thankful every day for that man! Like my dad, he is a hard worker, just not in the same industry. My dad hasn't taken to my hubby, but I know he respects my choice. Other than that, I guess they don't really share many other traits.
It took me awhile to get here and a couple of poor choices in men, but I did get away from the cycle that I went through at home growing up.
I hope you two can work things out together. It can happen. Here's to many happy tomorrows!!

Answer 5

I think that at the core, most women tend to see their fathers/brothers/uncles as the "average" male. Or at least they do if they were the primary male influences in the girl's life. If the men in question were decent, honest, swell guys, then the girl will probably grow up looking to marry or be involved with a person much like their dad/brothers/uncles. If their experience was less than stellar, they'll likely have to learn to accept that and look for other examples of what they want in a relationship.

Answer 6

Yes I do feel that some women take their resentments out on their spouse/ guy friends. It is not right but it is their way of venting.And yes some women do go after the father figure when looking for a relationship. If the Father/Dad was a good parent
they want the same in the guy they choose .It is their way of security .....

Answer 7

As a daughter of a father who left only to be replaced by another man who expected perfection I do feel the pressures now to live up to these feelings of abandonment and total perfection. My husband and I were raised completly different. His family was free to discuss issues and concerns often and loudly if nessesary and I grew up thinking that yelling was the worst thing possible and that you need to try very hard to stay out of disagreements even if it ment not expressing yourself.

When we started counselling for our marriage a lot of these insecurities and doubts came out. We were able to work through most and I have learned how to express myself more fully.

Unfortunately these new found freedoms had a price. My family was totally flabbergasted by my thoughts and feelings and I feel in someways that I have sacrificed my family for my good, my marriage and untimetly my childrens futures. I have yet to fully decide if this is a good or bad thing but for now I am no longer willing to live under the pressures to be a droid.

When we started our counselling the pastor related to my husband that he felt I had the communication skills of less that a 12 year old. I am proud to say I can express my thoughts a lot faster now and am I am willing to stick up for myself.

In a roundabout way I am saying that if you love someone you need to be willing to help them see past their past and focus on building a future. Use your love to strengthen each other and don't back down if you see something that needs to be brought out.

Good Luck

Answer 8

I do know that women have the feminine version of the Oedipus Complex... but they do not necessarily follow through with it by marrying a man like their dads. I had a relatively decent relationship with my dad, when I was growing up. He worked the graveyard shift at a hotel virtually my whole life, and he cheated on my mom many times, and they divorced when I was in 7th grade. But I had a decent relationship with him. I spent time with him at the hotel at night, playing board games & reading with mom while dad ran the front desk. He always brought me around his girlfriends, and even after my parents divorced, he still would come around to see me. So he was a jerk to mom, but he was decent to me. As for my relationships with guys, I've picked a bunch of royal jerks, abusive sexually & verbally. I'm currently with an amazing guy, but his parents need a little work. I don't think he's anything like my dad. Who knows, only time will tell.

Answer 9

Yes. But I would not say a father figure they have not known. It has been proven that women are attracted to men who look like their fathers when they have a positive relationship with them. But is completely not applicable if they feel they have a strained relationship (or none at all). One reason is that they feel most connected with the facial features, considering they have looked at them and loved them for so long. Another is that they take the positive feelings they have for their fathers and transfer it over to the boyfriend who resembles their father. It has also been proven that women who have good relationships with their fathers tend to pick guys who have similar personalities as their Dads! So, basically, if you had a good relationship with your uncle, chances are you are most attracted to guys who look and act like he did. You feel trust and safety with those men. (It holds true for me too. Most of my boyfriends have had similar personalities and somewhat similar looks to my Dad. And we had a great relationship).

Answer 10

It's a known fact in Psychology that girls at around the age of ten identify their fathers as role models and the father that they have at the time is who they look for as a mate in life.

A really good book to read is, " Getting The Love You Want", by Harville Hendrix. He elaborates on how both male and females seek their dominating parent in relationships and certain characteristics of both parents also.

Your wife sounds like she is transferring this fear of abandonment as well as other emotional damage she has suffered in childhood onto you. This can destroy a relationship, as you have probably figured out already.

It's really wonderful of you to try and understand her fears and do something about them in order to better your relationship.

The book is available on amazon.com or may be available at a local bookstore or library. It really explains much more than most books on the subject. It also has a companion workbook that you both can use to help even further to see the patterns of destructivenss.

Dr. Harville's website is www.imagotherapy.com if you are interested in finding out more about how he is saving many marriages and relationships . Good Luck to you !